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appmanga · 2021-12-14T03:13:26+00:00

Young guys need "game". Old guys (like you; yeah, in dating years, you're old) need to be themselves. If you see someone you're interested in, just go up, excuse yourself, and introduce yourself. No corny lines. If you're not good at clever retorts, don't try. Just tell the lady your name and you wanted to meet her. The younger ones will like your confidence, the mature ones will appreciate your candor.

Good luck.

Accomplished-Lab5914 · 2021-12-14T03:22:57+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

It's normal to be rusty when you've been married for so long. Seduction works for any purpose. Be it sex, relationship or even marriage. Us guys are happy to help in any scenarios.

You've a lot of advantages. Being good looking, hitting the gym, and having the desire to commit. Things women absolutely love.

1- Have confidence. Practice asking out a lot. Play what you say in your mind, before you say it. Be very nice, and respectful.

Ask yourself, what attracted me to this lady? The answer is what you're going to tell her. Be sincere.

2- Everyday go out and ask women who fit your description. Choose nice places. Frequented by ladies rather than girls.

Can't stress the importance of the previous two.

3- Don't go for early 20s. Way far from wanting to settle. Go for late 20s or 30s and plus. You'll get many objections from the 20s because of age. They'll only want sex. You need serious.

Extras:

4- Lose any extra weight. Stay fit, and take care of your looks.

5- Forget the cowboy fashion. Dress cool and classic. Go with the things that never go wrong. Solid colors, no noise.

It's elegant and screams I'm stable. Imagine Lacoste, Tommy, etc. No need to buy brands if you don't want to. Just buy the style.

Wrap up:

How to win friends and influence people is the book I recommend. For both your life and winning women.

Report back. Tell us how it went. Ask questions, and feel free to chat me for more. Good luck 🤞

Chicagoj1563 · 2021-12-14T14:59:01+00:00

I'm a few years older than you are, but in the same basic boat. I'm one of those guys who dabbled in cold approach here and there and spent alot of time learning from gurus and products, but haven't go out enough. Thats my sticking point. But, I have gained quite a lot of insight from coaches. So, here is my 2 cents.

First, there is no doubt in my mind game works well for older guys. I've seen enough evidence from older guys that there aren't any big obstacles due to your age. This isn't from thinking maybe it works. I've seen enough guys who were active in the community and older that were getting results and talked about it. It works. Not saying age isn't a factor, but not a big deal. There are also positives for being older. It all balances out.

There are a few things you probably need to decide or figure out first though.

First, do you want to learn a skillset from cold approach, or just play the numbers game? There is a difference. Getting good from game takes some time, but its different for everyone. Some guys get good results in a month. Other guys it may take longer, like a year before they get decent results. But, if you don't care and just want to play the numbers game, you can do that too. With the numbers game you will probably practice alot less, go out when you want to, and pickup some basic skills. However, if you are trying to learn social dynamics and get good, then you will want to put alot more practice into the skillset.

Next, if you truly want to do daygame, that is fine but be sure you know what to expect. Go out to your location places where you plan to approach, spend an hour or more there, and see how many girls you see that are approachable. Some locations won't have much, others will be abundant. But, you need to be realistic about where you live and what the opportunities to cold approach are. Again, if you play the numbers game maybe you just see a girl once in a while and approach. You won't develop much skill since you won't practice much, but thats the numbers game. If you want to learn the skill and need more practice, then you will have to find somewhere you can go to open more sets.

For myself I'm doing both daygame and night game. The main reason is I know daygame opportunities are a little scarce in my local town. I can still do it, but the main practice is going to be in bars. I'll find out more as I get more active in the next few months, but that's the way I see it. So, be sure you can actually do daygame in your town. If not, find another location or consider night game.

As for what to recommend, this depends on you. Someone mentioned James Marshall. He's good if you want to approach in a very natural way. Basically, if you want to play the numbers game he's a good example of that. Not much attraction in my view, but he's chill and alot of guys like him because of that. I don't think its great game because there is no push/pull, no playful teasing, the girl is in a logical state mostly (not emotional),etc.. There's really not much attraction in his sets. But, if you want to be yourself and approach, he's a good example.

If you want to buy a program, Todd V would be a good choice. He was an RSD instructor and has been a coach for longer than almost anyone at this point. His advice is solid, although he comes accross as very technical. Some of his previous programs and talks are on youtube. This is his opening series, I highly recommend it. Its a 6 part series on how to open sets, but well worth watching:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3ztmjP92SU&t=665s

One note on game theory and coaches, remember when you first get started all you need is the basics for going out an opening. Thats it. You don't need books of knowledge, taking notes, etc... It works like self help in that you feel like your learning things, but you really need to learn from interacting with women. So, just educate yourself on the basics on attraction and game. Many people hate Mystery these days, but his book is a good primer on how attraction works. Just note many people replaced all his routines and structure with natural game. But, its still a good read and starting point.

Just remember, keep it simple. You just need to go out an open and get through the first 30 seconds to 3 mins of a conversation when you start. Be willing to push your comfort zone and try out new things so you can improve. And if you can find wings that will also help alot.

With all that said, your biggest sticking point will be how do you get from where you are now, reading and watching videos about game, to going out an opening conversations. It needs to turn into action. Keep it simple, and try something out. Just open a few conversations and see how it goes. Post your field reports here so you can get feedback.

Swagster777 · 2021-12-14T03:41:42+00:00

Watch the movie Crazy Stupid Love. It’ll teach u a lot. Steve Carrels character went through the same thing

Younique35 · 2021-12-14T04:39:31+00:00

I can absolutely relate, although I am female and 37(ish) 😏. And have been single for aprox. 4 years. My X I lost due to Suicide. I agree as stated above mainly Mainly it’s getting yourself out there and being yourself and finding the one that fits exactly what you were looking for and not settling. The dating game is absolutely different these days good luck

ChoppedBelAir · 2021-12-14T06:07:37+00:00

There's nothing wrong with oneitis. All of the education here is to achieve what YOU are after.

Hit the gym, eat healthy, and practice a bit of flirty or just joking convo wherever you are. Like Robert Redford says in the Old Man and the Gun, "talk to every woman like you're trying to sleep with her." Basically don't put any one woman on a pedestal so you never get nervous and don't over give but mostly always be practicing charismatic conversation skills.

I like to ask girls produce questions at the grocery store. Or if I go a bar then I make friends with as much of the staff as I can so if I go there they greet me bigger and I get social proof and a big bump to confidence, which helps chatting up any and every rando next to me

It doesn't hurt to be in your 40s. According to surveys done by GQ and such, women find men in their 40s as attractive as men in their early 20s. I'm halfway through 37 and I've been dating low twenties, a few models, and even a Ms universe. Being a little older actually can work in your favor because women expect you to have your shit together as an adult and look for men with sexual experience. Just be an honest, interesting and positive guy and you'll attract women

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-12-14T06:08:20+00:00

Sorry to hear for your loss!

As a 40 year old man who is married I can tell you that there are plenty of 20 somethings who find guys our age attractive. You have to understand that you have a ton of advantages over a guy their age. You have a more established career, you are less tolerant of bullshit, you have more life experience and can teach her stuff, you have been in relationships which means you know women better and are likely much better in bed than some young buck who pumps and dumps. Take pride in these things!

From a more inner game perspective, women will always want to attach themselves to a male who knows where he is going, can confidently make decisions and content/complete as he is. If any of these is missing, you will struggle. The last one is especially challenging because so many guys go out there subconsciously needing women to be happy and complete, which is actually a total turn off.

shaggy2gay · 2021-12-14T07:24:07+00:00

You are 100% on the right track in your conviction that getting good at daygame is the way to go. I would cling to that intuition like the precious, lifegiving ember that it is. Protect it from all the breezes that are already blowing your way, telling you to ditch this "game" stuff and "just be yourself."

I strongly encourage you to look up a guy on YouTube named James Marshall. In my hard-won judgment he's one of two people on the internet who are really qualified to give you a coherent vision of how to go about learning seduction in general and cold approach specifically. Which is where the vast majority of your efforts should be focused. All the "lifestyle building" stuff to do with fitness, nutrition and hobbies are important but not as directly relevant to romantic success as many insist.

Potz666 · 2021-12-14T12:33:32+00:00

Heya my dude, in a very similar boat to you, 36, introverted, lost my wife in September 2020 we were going to start a family too but life had other plans. I'm just starting to get back out there these last 3 months. Spent the months since it happened hitting the gym 3-5 times a day because it was the best thing to help deal with the grief. Turns out it was the right call for dating too. I'm down from 96kg at 34% body fat to 79kgs @ 22% body fat, still a ways to go.

The dating world has changed a hell of a lot since the last time I was single (7 years ago), especially with Online Dating and COVID changing the landscape but the way I see it, it's adapt or die, don't think it's going back to what it was.

I have found online dating is brutal, if your pics, fashion, body and face aren't on point you get no matches with people you would want to go out with. Doesn't matter that I'm financially secure and lead a good life, OD is very superficial that way, at least I have found that for Tinder and Bumble. I feel like I could be successful with online dating once I get down to 15-11% body fat and get some quality pics so I'm working towards that.

I'm also trying to meet women in real life since I come off much better in person, started hiking and going to give dirt biking a try, worst case it gives me a more edgy appeal. Also thinking about giving some art & cooking classes a go but man it's hard meeting new people regardless of gender.

Not the largest amount of actionable advice here but just wanted to send some support to you since I know it has been rough. Sorry for your loss bro.

toni415 · 2021-12-14T15:24:40+00:00

You're 45 and like women in their 20s? What's wrong with you?

eyesopen1111 · 2021-12-14T18:01:30+00:00

If you are looking for 20-somethings, then you are talking about gaming Gen Z, not GenX. Gen Z women use Seeking Arrangements (now just called "Seeking") as a dating app to connect them to older, successful type men in their 30's and 40's who can afford to take them out, who give useful advice, and who throw them extra cash when they’re in a jam or wanting a new doodad.

Plenty of the girls are hot, fit, DTF, and appreciate what you bring to the table, assuming that you and she hit it off as you get to know each other. Buy the premium tier ($99/month) and you will be absolutely bombarded with chicks of all ages hitting on you and you’ll have your dates with 23 year olds scheduled for the entire next week in a few days' time. If you need more attention, or just want to flex, you can get Diamond Tier for $250/month, which shows the girls that you have lots of money $$$$$. They say you get 20X the response with Diamond, but I’m flooded with response at Premium, especially if you are still physically attractive. The man is definitely the prize and the girls are highly competitive for your attention. This is the modern way to skip the line, using your resources to access women age 23 plus or minus 5 years. Minimal Game required.

Yes, there are some working girls on the site, but just stick to verified college girls if you want. Follow the security advice to avoid scammers. Most the girls (and women) are awesome and just want a guy who has his shit together. If you want an LTR or wife, you will at first probably not be believed, but when they find out you’re serious, you will be ultra prized because many women there want the same.

Oddly, there is a pussy drought for many non-Chad guys who are in their 20's because they lack both Game and resources. Just read this subreddit.

The other idea I recommend for genuine guys like you looking to settle down with a young wife is faith-based dating. If the church and the young woman know that you seriously want a family with her, the 45 year old, 25 year old pairing is a classic win for all involved. Women in Gen Z see how many "leftover" female Millenials fucked themselves by not trying to marry until their 30's, so Gen Z is looking for high status men ages 35-55 to marry while she's early to mid 20's and at her competitive prime. This is the smart play, and guys like OP will benefit.

IronShibby · 2021-12-18T13:12:09+00:00

There has been solid advice in the comments, i'll add my 2 bits but i'm no guru ... 43yo and partner count about 60 and still learning.

You don't really have to go to clubs if you don't like the scene and are looking for long term, there are plently of opportunities in the following: sports in a club, i'm doing tennis so it's a mixed sport with fit women. Salsa - can't really go wrong, harem territory when you are good. Hiking - it's in most girls' dating profile for a reason, again it's another low cost daytime mixed activity, which brings me to meetup.com which is where you will be able to pursue your own interests if the ones i mentioned don't grab you. Also consider running your own group if you can.

1 out of 3: You can't afford to be bald, fat, and short and at your age, your financial stability will be primary. A woman will generally forgive one of those things in a high quality relationship; i'm bald and I know for some women it's an instant 'no' but that's ok i just date the remaining women, I stay fit and active.

To set up a life where you don't really have to try that hard you actually have a list of advantages, emotional stability and financial stability being the primary two. I believe that women assess our finances in the same time that we take to assess a woman's physical attractiveness, which is about 1 second or so.

DO read a dating blueprint book; have something planned that involves a couple of experiences, 3 or so locations (or one bar with different vibes in each area) and the logistics (where to fuck) is usually your responsibility.

First night sex: I have learned to treat the first night as the only night, get fully and completely into it and if she likes your approach it will be instantly obvious that you are compatible. I have done this - break all the boundaries on the first night - and it turned into a relationship (or not). there is no point thinking "one day we'll do anal" and that day never comes because there was only the one date. It is more likely to be "we've never done that thing I like but if I raise it now she might be offended" and from her perspective "I want anal but i can't ask because i'll be judged and anyway he should know without me telling him when I keep presenting my butt."

(Anal is just an example, you do you.)

She has 5 senses so try to get all of them involved on a date: tepanyaki dinner, an ice cream place for desert, a walk barefoot on grass or beach, a walk around the city for music and randomness, a dark bar for drinks and makeout and touching :-)

Which brings me to: HAVE FUN. Your Friday night should absolutely be for you too, i've described a night out that I enjoy, if my date goes nowhere I still had a good time with food and other stuff that I like. If you aren't having fun she will soon pick up on that.

Dinner dates aren't boring; boring people with nothing to talk about are boring. Teppanyaki is boring? She gets to eat vennison for the first time and that's boring? You make her a cowboy style dinner around a fire that she's never had before and it's boring? If you are interested in the world just talk about that and ask her what she's passionate about etc.

"I dress like a cowboy" if that is authentic for you, keep doing it and lead with it in your dating profile. There's nothing wrong with a fit cowboy, the honesty - being honest about your cowboy lifestyle, views and ways - is more important than you probably realize and there will be a niche of women looking for that flavor in a man. You might as well filter out the incompatible women up front.

The woman you are looking for just dumped her accountant boyfriend so now she's looking for someone different but you hid your cowboy boots and wore a suit and slicked your hair; now you miss out because she thinks you're a banker.

Then you date a woman who was looking for a banker husband but you turned out to be a cowboy, it's a waste of time for everyone involved.

ok enough from me;

Good luck!

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	21
Date	December 14, 2021 2:40 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rfx2zv/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1270821 https://theredarchive.com/post/1270821

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