[deleted by user]

ISw3arItWasntM3 · 2011-12-09T06:22:52+00:00

Funny story. I was at work the other day and was trying to practice my kino to get more comfortable with it on a somewhat attractive co-worker. Not trying to escalate anything, just forcing myself to get more comfortable touching people. Long story short, I accidentally hit her hard in the nose and I assume gave her a concussion since she told me she spent the night puking -_-.

TheAccidentOf85 · 2011-12-09T14:57:38+00:00

Touch everybody...touch a girl you're talking to that you're not into, touch your female friends on the arm or shoulder...touch your guy friends on the arm or shoulder....hell do it with family members. The simple touch is just body language that allows you to connect with someone a little further, creates comfort. Touch everybody and soon it will just be natural.

I do still have fear of escalating further....I have no problem touching the arm, holding hands, putting my arm around a girl.... its when I actually like a girl that I get nervous to put my hand on her inner thigh, to touch her stomach...to get more aggressive.... I'm working on getting over that.

Don't worry man, you're getting dates... you'll get each step in the process down eventually. Just keep going for it.

queenw_hipstur · 2011-12-09T13:39:26+00:00

I have a question that is going to be a precursor to my answers for you. Do watch a lot of porn?

puaCurveBall · 2011-12-09T17:50:10+00:00

Like nike says: Just do it.

There is no secret answer or hidden truth here. It is hard, and you have to force yourself to do it. You will feel uncomfortable, you will feel awkward. You will make the rational decision that all of that is worth it for the results. Then you force yourself to do it.

Just. Fucking. Do. It.

magicroot75 · 2011-12-10T08:05:28+00:00

Recognize that discomfort does not equal danger. Accept the discomfort and adopt a "let's see what happens" attitude with touching. Next time you are with female, and hear the negative self-talk, just say "OK, this is really uncomfortable, but I'm going to be OK with that because it is in my (and her) best interest.

osufan765 · 2011-12-09T05:53:43+00:00

You force yourself to stop being a little bitch. You're never going to succeed if you don't force yourself to succeed. Just deal with rejection, it's a whole lot easier than dealing with letting yourself down.

Xstream2 · 2011-12-09T10:40:01+00:00

I'm getting a lot better at escalating (even if I'm unsuccessful, I still try at least)... Its exactly the same as approach anxiety... you just fear rejection, practice and constantly pushing yourself is the only way to get over it

Woetren · 2011-12-09T15:35:38+00:00

Don't talk about boring stuff, make everything a joke, either about you or her. Boring stuff like college or work make touching inappropriate. Oh, I work from 9 to 5, so now I touch your arm = awkward. Oh you just made a joke about me, so now I give you a little poke is more natural.

djmykeski · 2011-12-09T18:06:05+00:00

I totally understand how you feel because even though I've had a lot of LTR's in my life, I had a fear of escalating those first steps too. It was just a bunch of irrational reasons I made up in my mind. You need to remember that these fears are irrational and that she wants to touch you JUST as much as you want to touch her (if not MORE).

So here are the practical things you need to do:

First, I totally agree with TheAccidentof85's comment. Touch EVERYONE you know. Get used to being physical with close friends and people that you are comfortable around and trust you. Just try to be touchy feely and get used to the idea of Kino.

Now the next time you're with a date, use the "Evolution Phase Shift Kino Routine" by Neil Strauss. While I sometimes HATE canned routines and I know that Style sometimes gets a lot of flack from the community, I personally have never found anything better than this method to get a girl to make out with you. After I discovered this, I never needed any other help escalating and didn't even bother learning all those other kino routines. While this routine is not foolproof (will take a bit of practice), many times you will get the girl so ready to make out that she will be ready to throw herself at you. The reason why is that it is literally the natural progression many people go through for "flirting." And it doesn't have to be all in order, you can just randomly do the steps throughout the night and I guarantee you will get yourself at least a nice make-out sesh. Escalating further to a F-close will be a whole different topic, but at least this will be the first step.

Go find that girl from the other night you never escalated, get another date with her, do this routine throughout the night, enjoy the sweet taste of her lips by the end of the night...

SupALupRT · 2011-12-09T22:00:06+00:00

There is no magic answer. You either man up or you dont. This is something you want to do, if shes hanging out with you, the odds are she is wanting you to just as badly. Fortune favors the bold my friend.

pjhollow · 2011-12-09T23:01:07+00:00

In your head you probably have a hesitation before you initiate contact ( I know I do). Just a simple hand hold becomes a big deal and you put things on their own pedestal. Well you've just got to force yourself to do it. It's the only way. That little feeling of hesitation when you think "is this a good idea?" is there and you have to do something with it. I try and embrace that feeling of nervousness, it's fun. At first it might come off awkward, but I assure you the more the you do it, the more natural it feels. And eventually you'll be a baus.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	24
Date	December 9, 2011 5:32 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/n5wyo/i_have_fears_of_escalating_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1309110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1309110

Comments

Just. Fucking. Do. It.