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[–]JStrach 223 points224 points225 points 14 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
There is no one word answer my friend, no magical sentence that I can string together to alleviate all of your problems. There are no words that I can type that you will read that will suddenly make something click in your head and magically allow you to move on. This is something you will ultimately have to deal with on your own.
That being said, I will do my best to try and find that magic sentence and hopefully this ends up having some impact.
First and foremost, she's no different than any other girl out there. Remember this. "But she's smart, cute, funny, knows movies and reads the same books as I do." So do literally millions of other women. All those special qualities that you find in her are shared by so many other women it is seriously hard to comprehend.
Also, no matter how much of yourself you've invested into believing that she's the holy grail of women, the alpha and the omega, the love of your life, she's not with you now so obviously you are wrong. This may sound depressing as fuck but to me it was a total release to realize. If you're a hopeless romantic and you truly believe that there is a soul mate out there for you, then keep looking cause apparently it's not her.
Finally, fuck that bitch. Chances are you've invested so much of yourself in her you forgot about yourself. Start working out, learn an instrument, start rock climbing, go hang gliding, think about what you want to do and go do it. I'm sure you tried hard to make her happy, and now put that effort into making yourself happy. And for FUCK'S sake, DO NOT do this with the intention of getting her back. "I'll learn guitar and write her the most beautiful love song ever." "If I get all built, she'll be dying to come back to me." No, she won't, and it doesn't matter. Do it for yourself man. Right now you're probably wondering what you're going to do without her, well if you start doing awesome shit you'll realize truly how little you need her and how awesome life can be with or without a woman in it.
My girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up in February. I've started working out, put on 20 pounds (of good weight, not mcdonalds wieght), added over 100 pounds to my deadlift, and have never looked, felt, or been this strong in my life. I recently started taking piano lessons too. I'm 21 and by far (BY FAR) the oldest person taking lessons, but I don't care because piano is awesome and it's something I've always wanted to learn. I've also had a variety of hook ups with women lately and I know someone is probably going to say to you "sleep with 10 women and see how you feel about her then." I don't personally agree with this because the sex I had with my ex was way better because we knew each other so well, and the girls I've hooked up with I feel are partially retarded. But with that being said I got my dick sucked by two girls at once in march, so take that ya bitch.
You can argue that she helped you become who you are, and that she made you realize things about yourself you feel like you could have never figured out on your own, and I agree that's totally possible and maybe even true. But who cares? If she can do that to you imagine what the next girl's going to teach you. Life's a forward progression my friend, and only better things await you.
Cheers.
[–]NCC-170152 points 14 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Experienced a mind-blowing breakup only hours ago. Came to r/seduction to look for something on getting over a bitch and found it right here in your comment. Thank you.
[–]tubbynerd 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cheers, guy!
[–]NarcoticNarcosis 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here, but I've been having issues for a few weeks.
also, I'm trying to work in a clever redshirt joke here, but it just isn't coming to me.
[–]Chaselikethebank 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the words. I needed to hear that.
[–]maxd 10 points11 points12 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Those are good words man. The one thing is though, try not to classify your ex as a bitch. Perhaps she is, in which case that's fine, but frequently relationships just don't work. It's no ones fault, even if it seems like it is, and having animosity towards your ex makes it harder to move on.
It wasn't meant to be. Wish her well and carry on.
That said, if she fucked your best friend and broke up with you while on vacation in Hawaii then sure, fuck that bitch.
[–]SupALupRT 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I regret I only have one upvote to give to my country. I mean this post. Seriously man good post, I love this community. Its like we are all truly brothers in arms haha.
[–]logipond 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also, no matter how much of yourself you've invested into believing that she's the holy grail of women, the alpha and the omega, the love of your life, she's not with you now so obviously you are wrong.
Damn, that was the magical sentence for me right there.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
FYI, Your post is now hanging on my bathroom mirror, to be read every time I get ready to go. Thank you.
[–]BIGGIB 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For a 21 year old man, you are ahead of your time son. You totally hit the nail!
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
So you gained 20 lbs of muscle since February? teach me your ways master
[–]edubation 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Starting Strength
He never said "of muscle".
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Protein + Creatine = Pounds
So eat lean meats, drink protein shakes, and take whatever workout supplements to get creatine (or take creatine itself). 20 pounds in 3 months isn't unheard of, but it's obviously mixed with some fat (probably a decent amount of fat too - it's just not that noticeable because of the increase in definition/muscle and the decrease in overall poundage).
I'm fairly close to having a 6-pack right now (despite never being close to having one before) because I cut down on carbs and calories, focused on protein, and I work out like a fuckin fiend (usually for about 2 hours each time, twice a day -- I don't have a job). So right now my ab muscles are fuckin huge, but I got that layer of fat that won't go away. I'm just sticking to my routine, and I'm getting skinnier and skinnier. I've taken a few pictures, but mostly it just helps that I've got other people who give me honest feedback about how I'm doing.
He said he put on 20 pounds of "good weight," which most likely means he's gained a ton of muscle and burned some fat. It's not 20 pounds of pure muscle (there's definitely some fat mixed in), but it's much better than whatever he had before.
[–]Botulism 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I want to work out constantly like you are but r/fitness says you have to wait at least a day so you can repair. How are you able to go twice a day??-
[–]HolyPhallus 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You should have a days rest between working the same muscle... or hard lifting.
In the beginning you can run a fullbody workout program 3 times a week, after a couple months you start splitting up your body into different days.
You can still do cardio 6 days a week together with lifting 3 days a week. Most people I know that do extreme workout (MMA fighters etc) say have ONE relaxation day and you can power the 6 other days of the week.... As I said just dont go biceps both mon and tuesday... Or if youve worked out for a while and are doing isolation exercises then don't do it more than once (twice?) a week. I'm no expert.
[–]Botulism 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great reply thank you.
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mix shit up. Lots of aerobics. In between the aerobics, I basically max out on certain bodyparts. So I'll do a bunch of crunches (and other ab workouts), then max out on bench. Then run on the treadmill or ride a stationary bike for 30-60 minutes usually. Then max out on squats. Then sometimes run/ride again.
I'll do that earlier in the day. Then later (like some time before going to bed), I'll go back and run/ride for another 30-60 minutes, do more aerobic shit, and max out on something else (or sometimes the same shit).
Then the next day, sometimes those muscles are too sore, so I'll work on other muscles. Other times they're fine though (thanks in large part to the creatine and the supplement I'm taking), so I can do those again. You definitely don't want to push too hard on your sore muscles though, so if they're sore, either do lighter weights or pick a different muscle to work on.
So far (so like 3 weeks in), it looks like I've lost about 5 pounds of water weight and made some decent gains in my abs, chest, and biceps. I can't really tell for some of my other muscles, but that's probably just because it's harder to notice them changing.
I'm mainly focusing on aerobics though. My chest and arms have always been decent since I started working out like 4 years ago. Even though I took a break from it for like 2 years, those muscles don't just disappear. One of the big things with creatine though is that once you start taking it, you basically want to keep taking it. It helps pump extra water into your muscles (making them look bigger) - once you stop taking it, that stops happening, so your muscles will literally shrink a bit. I didn't give a shit so that wasn't a big deal for me, but other guys constantly warn you about it.
Also just to note about working out twice a day - it's easy to max out on bench (or basically anything) twice in a day. Your muscles haven't had enough time to start feeling sore yet, and you've taken a break so it's not like they're still tired from before (though sometimes they are -- just depends).
When I work out on my own, I always prefer to max out on shit, basically every day. When I took a powerlifting class, we followed a more "standard" workout, and I could tell it didn't work as well. I've also never had any problems with strained muscles or anything like that (though I blew out my back once). You just gotta feel it out. You'll know when shit's too sore and when it's not.
I used to take a post-workout supplement that also helped with the soreness (often, I literally wouldn't be sore the next day, at all). It tasted like shit and I can't remember the name of it, but it was pretty awesome, so you might want to find something like that. Right now I just take a pre-workout supplement (MusclePharm Assault) that seems to work well enough. Find a good product -- do some research, find out what's in it, make sure it's all "good" shit. If you really want to be maximizing the amount/intensity of your workouts and stuff, protein alone isn't gonna do too much for you (not saying it's "bad" -- it just doesn't compare to creatine and some of the workout supplements you could be taking).
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Do you mean "creatinine?"
[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
As far as I know, "creatinine" isn't absorbed by the body in terms of eating/drinking/etc.
Whereas "creatine" is a pretty common substance (the guys at GNC will tell you all about it) found outside the body. A while ago I checked the stats, and I saw that there were about 3-6 grams of creatine in a hamburger (though that really depends on the size of the hamburger and shit like that). But hamburgers also contain other shit that you don't want to be consuming all the time.
So cow meat contains a decent amount of creatine, no matter what form you eat it in. I have no idea how it pertains to "creatinine", but that doesn't really matter. If you want to gain mass, you want protein and creatine. Creatine helps by adding water to your muscles (making them bigger), and it helps in many other ways (similar to protein, except better in many ways). It doesn't just add extra water to your muscles - it also helps build those muscles in general, and doesn't allow the muscles to degrade too much. So you can lift more, and not feel as tired afterward. The extra water (and whatever other shit it adds) allows your muscles to lift more than they usually would, and helps them heal faster.
It's a totally natural substance - you already have it in your body, and you consume it regularly in the form of steaks, burgers, etc. But if you start taking a legitimate supplement, you can add even more of it to your diet.
Just as a little example, in high school I started taking it, and my bench max went up to 245 from about 165 within a few months, literally. It was awesome. You just gotta be careful because if you take a lot of it and then stop, that 'water weight" will still be there but you'll lose the strength and some of the muscle, and the fat will start to show.
"Creatinine" is kinda irrelevant because you can't take a supplement for it. And I don't even know what it is, really. It's a byproduct of some other shit.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cool - awesome answer thank you.
Looked it up and creatinine is the end product of creatine phosphate, which I think is the same creatine you're talking about.
[–]skittles0917 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm going through almost the exact situation. Over these last couple of days I've decided that I was wasting my time on her trying to get back together. As of today I have 3 dates planned for this up coming weekend (with help from seddit). It feels great to know even though she may not want me, plenty of other girls do. P.s. this subreddit has taught me to only go after the best so I'm only going for girls that I really didn't think I had a chance with before seddit. This and (I know it's immature but my ex is feeling miserable that she broke up with me and sees all the other girls going after me) brings me my satisfaction. :)
[–]project2501a 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"This, too, shall pass"
Truly epic response. I think that the magic sentence might just be in here somewhere.
[–]circuseagle 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This comment right here has helped me in ways unimagninable! This is the closest thing to the magical sentence, so much so i made this quote into my Wallpaper to get past these hard times
Here it is if you guys are interested in it.
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You know how fun those first few weeks were with your ex getting to know each other and everything? I bet you were ecstatic. Now imagine that happening again, with tons of other girls. If you're too busy moping around you may miss something or someone awesome right in front of you. And besides you're awesome, why not share how awesome you are with as many girls are you can?
[–]BSchoolBro 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YOLO knows what's up.
[–]Wigglezwow 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is really good advice. Swag.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]evoxone 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
and delete facebook!
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And hit your lawyer!
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]dj_bizarro 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
No. Who cares if its awkward? Delete her from everything that you could possibly see her or read about her life at all. Nothing good comes from having exs on Facebook so by all means delete them.
[–]SupALupRT 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This. You will find yourself drawn to looking at their profile and it feeds a cycle of negative thinking. Delete that shit and never look back. Its on her to realize her mistake.
Not to mention the best way to get her back if that is what you really want is to give 0 fucks and focus on having fun. If you ever do interact again, she'll pick up on the positive attitude and maybe rethink her stance.
[–]jayteeayy 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Not that we should care if she picks up or not; 'fuck the bitch' as OP stated.
[–]itsme921 points 14 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Deleting someone from Facebook is passive aggressive as fuck. Just hide their status updates and block them from chat.
[–]dj_bizarro 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not the same as killing the person, its just facebook. Too many people take Facebook too seriously. Maybe I am the only person in the world who doesn't give two shits about my facebook contacts but I honestly think if you don't want to see them or hear about their life, then delete them. Both parties can move on and shouldn't even question it.
[–]Guelphs 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT6QxRkjCAQ
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]frumpi 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
i feel like i have seen similar things on seddit. am i asking the wrong question?
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When did you break up? I think he's saying that everyone deals with this at times and with time you will heal.
[–]dantaeos -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No it's still a form of oneitis because you're pining over one girl. It sounds rough, but you have to realize that no one girl is worth it. Honestly, if she broke up than it means the shit is done and theirs point trying it. I know you may not be able to believe me right now, but thats cause your in a bad state of mine.
I guarantee you this video will help. Its about how to get over a girl by a fucking pimp. So don't worry dude, you will get over her. Go out every night, beast the fuck out of the club. Bang a bunch of girls and you will suddenly think "why did i waste my time on some girl)
[–]SupALupRT 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oneitis is applicable here. He is having trouble moving on to other attractive girls that he could pick up because of her. Due to his feelings she is "the one" and can never be replaced. It will take time, but the process can be speeded up by:
A) getting out and dating: When you are pulling dates without trouble regularly you feel better about yourself. Its impossible not to.
B) Improving yourself
C) Making new friends/reconnect with old ones (don't neglect this aspect of it, I worked on this hard after my break up and its really paid off huge dividends.
[–]Trerne 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel you man. Any insight on this would be great.
[–]frumpi 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i know that feel bro.
[–]Gives_Wrong_Answer 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Time man. Had oneitis for this Asian girl for almost 2-3 years. I never found a girl who I felt the same about since, but I'm over her. I can honestly say I could sit in the same room as her and just not give a shit. Sad part is, I've never met another girl who impressed me so well. Fuck, maybe I'm not over her?
[–]psyyduck 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's emotional self-regulation. There are many strategies, & meditation is what works for me, but I've been at it for 3 years & it's only just helping with these huge emotions.
[–]Stnavres 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Threesome. That is all.
You can grow to hate her. Find things you dislike and make sure you don't like her anymore. 60 years of challenge also puts this in perspective... You are most likely not caught on anything sexuals but something emotional, spending time with each other and shit.
[–]nodistraction 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is cliché, but it worked for me and it will work for you:
[–]elegantloon 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What should i do? Everytime i see a cute girl i can't help but to compare my ex and become uninterested.
How can you compare these girls to your ex without even talking to them? take the first step towards happiness.
[–]atypicaltool 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was in the same vote with my first love. Very similar. And this might sound aweful but was the last resort and worked wonders. We tried to stay friends but we ended up getting in a huge fight, big enough that we didn't say a word to one another for a long time. After that fight I fell out of interest much faster. It was hard and still has ruined our friendship, but I still think it was the best, and I still love her. Just an idea
[–]thbt101 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
About comparing other girls to your ex... sometimes you just have to fake it for a while. Make yourself hang out with other girls anyway even if half your brain is still thinking about your ex. After you do that enough you'll eventually find you're thinking less about your ex and more about other girls for real.
You have an addiction. Treat is as such.
You avoid situations where the addiction can grow, and you need to preoccupy your mind whenever it wanders to the addiction. Working out is a great way to do this.
I'm betting you think about her sexually, still, and even maybe jacking off to fanaties about her? Sorry if I am rash here, but the sexual connection is the one you need to break first, before you handle the rest. Again, working out is THE replacment to fantasizing about her.
Besides that. Write down each and every thing she ever did to you that hurt you. As detailed as possible. Read that shit whenever you have the urge to think about the good stuff she gave you. Go through the bad moments in your head as often as you can.
Lastly: Tell her you need to ween off her (in a nice way). Tell your friends the same. Actually talk to everyone you can about it. And then cut contact totally. It's the fastest way to freedom.
I've been through something similar, btw. (Except that my ex was desperate to get back together... So I had to convince her, as well as myself that it wasn't a good idea.)
Good luck!
Your question might be better answered in something like r/relationshipadvice or something like that. It isn't that the people here aren't giving good advice, but my understanding is that seddit focus more on pick up game and whole dynamic of seducing someone new. I think you are better of dealing with yourself first before trying to use seddit traditional advice.
I will admit almost all of the advice here is still very solid, but not common to seddit conversations IMHO.
[–]GeoffreyDaGiraffe 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
First stop texting her and trying to see her. You are holding on to any shred of her that you can because you think it will make you feel better. Its natural, you want what made you happy back but you have to realize you're not getting it back. Seeing her and talking to her will make your recovery process that much more difficult. I just went through this a few months ago and did the same thing. I kept telling myself we were just going to be friends and everything would be ok. But every time I saw her I just wanted to be back together with her which wasn't going to happen. So I stopped talking to her completely for about 6 weeks which allowed me to move on. At the end of that 6 weeks I was able to look at her as just a friend and now we are on our way to a healthy platonic friendship. It also helped that in those 6 weeks I started talking to another girl which was very helpful in moving on because my romantic interests were now with this new girl.
Whenever you feel like you just want to be alone, stay in for the night, or not socialize; FUCK THAT. You have to force yourself to be with people and socialize. It will take your mind off her and the feelings of hurt you have for her will dissipate. Going out and being social will also increase you chances of meeting someone else, but don't worry about that as much, just hangout with friends and such. Sitting at home alone is when you're left with just yourself and your mind will always wonder back to thinking of her.
The single most effective thing I did to help me get back on track emotionally was to hit something. Do this responsibly, I found a punching bag and went at it. After my little punching session I almost completely forgot about what was bothering me and I was able to function like normal again. This could go along with a workout session which is beneficial in so many ways.
[–]quartzduck 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Watch this music video, listen to the lyrics as well!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmfcYli6vV4
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maxd 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She may be the most amazing girl you've ever known but how many girls are out there waiting for you to know them? Don't hang around for her, go out there and find Miss Right. Don't fuck dozens of girls if you don't want to, but talk to them, flirt with them, take them on dates and you will feel awesome.
[–]AegisSC -4 points-3 points-2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
By growing a sac? Really, I don't understand how this question is so upvoted.
[–]hoyablue -3 points-2 points-1 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can we stop the babying on this subreddit? Jesus Christ am I the only one who is tired of all the beginner how do I make friends/how do I get over this girl shit?
[–]frumpi 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i was trying to convey that i wasn't a loser that got lucky with an amazing girl.
[–]brago97 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
how have you been since this post ?
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