Would love to thank this subreddit

So ever since I've frequented this site, I've been "faking it till I make it" and I've just done the regular say hi to everyone to overcome anxiety with approaching people.

Basically:These two weeks have been a blast!

First approach was after an interview and I was feeling pumped, did what I felt like doing and went up to her, smiled and said hi. We joked alittle and I found that we have a lot in common and good chemistry so I jokingly asked

"so when are you gonna ask me for my number?"

I was surprised to see she responded positively. And then we exchanged numbers and we're going out next week or so.

Second Approach

Second approach was just out of the blue. She was by my standards an 8 or so and I thought why not? The conversation went something like this

Me:"What's your name?"

Gril:"Oh hey, it's name"

Me:"Well, do you wanna know mine?"

Gril:"wait why?" At this point she was smiling

Me:"so I can know if you're interested"

Gril:"what if I am?"

I was completely shocked at this point, I don't look good at all, in fact I would say I'm just about average and she's actually responding positively

Me:"well, I have your name, I think it's only fair if I gave you my number"

Then afterwards we exchanged numbers and I went on with my day.

Conclusion

I'm not trying to brag or anything, since I recognise that a lot of people here have gone through this. But I'd love to thank this subreddit since I've gone from being a very awkward guy with little to no confidence and whilst these are just baby steps, I feel like I've made a lot of progress.

Thank you once again for all the stickies, advice and al that. Good luck with your progress!

Edit: Thank you for the positive responses! Feel free to ask questions if you want though I might be not be that experienced but I'll try my best to help.

[–]BuyerOfCoins 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]fcukymleif1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]IFIFIFIFIFIFIFIFIF 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]gilly8885 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Overnight_Delivery 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AstralSurfer11 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]White_0wl 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]IAmSad-Man44 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]OriginalPhee 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]fcukymleif3 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Well, I have gotten some cold responses, and these two are actually just 2 successful out of the 4 approaches I made these two weeks.

One girl did indeed say she had a boyfriend, and I joked and said "well so do I, so we have a lot in common" Do take note I did not come up with that in the heat of the moment but rather since flirting was technically off at that moment, I chose to play it off as a joke. We ended up not exchanging numbers, but atleast she didn't completely cut me off with that response and this'll go a long way in saving your confidence if you're easily affected by cold responses.

Edit: may also help if you had more physical cues to show that you're interested. For example maintaining a comfortable level of eye contact. Gauge whether she's comfortable with you coming closer. Try to face her when you're talking. Don't fold your arms or you'll seem defensive. It's important that you don't fail shit tests. Generally, try not to let her walk over you, but also don't be too defensive.

[–]Idontknowmaname 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Aeon199 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]IAmSad-Man44 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]IAmSad-Man44 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Alright, here's a few examples:

1) High-school, I'm an asocial weirdo that forces myself to talk to people, and generally don't give a damn about what others think. One of the best-looking girls in our year takes interest and befriends me, and even though she was objectively hot, subjectively she didn't really make me go wild, which meant I was completely calm around her and mostly aloof. This gets her interest even more, so eventually after dropping a shitload of hints, I get a clue and bang her. I don't know how I did it, but she became even more attached to me after that, so when I took interest in another girl (who wasn't interested), she got pissed and eventually stopped talking to me.

2) Girl in my gym who I befriended over the course of several weeks, and eventually after dancing around the fact that we were mutually attracted to each other, we became fuckbuddies for about a year. We live in different cities now, but we still keep in touch.

3) My best friend, an attractive Eastern European girl who I met from archery classes, and befriended. Took me a while to clue into her attraction, but after I did I asked her out, and she became my girlfriend for a year and a half. She was a very physically affectionate girl in public too. Good times. We haven't spoken for about 2 years now, though, and she lives in another town with her new boyfriend.

And I'm not even a particularly good-looking guy. I'm relatively thin and have a big nose. Hell, even approaching sometimes works, OPs success simply mystified me because he got it so quick. As a general rule, unless the girl is already into you from the outset, you have to "seduce" her for a bit before pulling the trigger.

As you can see, the connecting factor is that even if I suck at approaching, a) I still tried and try to do it, and b) I went out of my way to get into social situations where I can meet women. There's no two ways around it. Either you do it those two ways - approach, or find social places with women around - or you stay a virgin forever.

grils

You're not a channer, are you?

[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]IAmSad-Man44 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]bugxter 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]fcukymleif 9 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Well yes, I think if you went to the TOP submitted posts of all time, you'll gain a lot of insight that will help you will faking it. First of all, it's all about mental conditioning. You can either keep telling yourself you're confident, and act confident until you actually are. The easier way to achieve this state of mind is actually by doing things that will give you confidence. For me, this was getting my life in check. I started using skincare products, getting haircuts that suited me, worked out more often and overall tried out new things and hobbie that actually boost my confidence since I know I'm doing something with my life. I think this is important since you'd want some substance to whatever you're feeling, and doing all these will definitely aid in "making it"

Secondly, it's viewing everyone's actions and words towards you as a reflection of their relationship with themselves, instead of their perception of you. Meaning if someone is responding negatively to you even though you're being nice, it might not necessarily mean you're doing something wrong/bad, it might mean they're just plain rude.

Thirdly, it is realising that nobody really cares abort what you do to a certain extent. Sure, to you it might be embarrassing to let's say ask for a girl's number and get rejected. But it won't be long before she forgets it. Think of it, how often do you reflect and criticise people's actions or think of a certain person throughout the day? Acknowledging that people will soon forget what you've done/ are actually forgiving of any "cringy" actions is a huge step.

And fourthly, always have confidence in whatever you do. Meaning even if you fuck up, let's say you slip in an conversation, you cover it up by playing it off instead of apologising.

So to summaries, have substance to back up your "faking up" so it's easier to "make it". Realise that people's actions towards you may not necessarily be because of who you are. Most importantly, practise makes perfect and it's easier to talk about theory than to actually apply it. GOODLUCK!

Edit: Didn't read your question properly. Well, I think it mostly still applies. Try to have some substance to back your "fake it" up. This, and not being overbearing or cocky, is important.

But mostly, it's about having the substance to back up your "fake it", so you can "make it". Because if you're just faking it, it'll help alittle yes, but the entire point of faking it is so you'll do things that give you actual confidence. In general, having good posture, positively reasserting your self confidence is right.

[–]bugxter 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah, well I'm sorry that I didn't go into applying that information. I obviously haven't helped you out a lot and that must be due to my lack of experience compared to the pros here. But if you're looking to apply this knowledge, I think I could help you out.

1:Start with places you already go to So maybe if you are in a university or school establishment you can try there for opportunities to getting girls' numbers. These places are usually opportune if you start early, meaning you go out and get to familiarise with everyone and start flirting/ showing interest early.

2:You go out to places such as bars and clubs to score. Now, girls who go to bars or clubs may be there to get down with dudes. This is true, but some of them may also just be out to have fun. So never assume, but don't feel bad if you get rejected by a girl because there's a possibility that she really just is there to have fun. Now, here you want to literally just go up to them. Don't bullshit, don't fake like you just wanna be friends, go straight to showing interest playfully and engagingly. If you can capture her attention, and humour her, I would say you stand a fairly high chance of scoring, or at least getting her number.

3:Besides bars and clubs, you could go to festivals/fun runs/raves and such. These events are usually very light hearted and as such you will find women out to have fun. This can also equate to them looking for other types of "fun". Here, you want to use the festival to start up a conversation, or maybe if she's wearing something interesting, you could point it out without making it too obvious. In these situations, showing that you're down to have fun and want to have fine with her will definitely show her your positive side and make her more interested.

4:This is pretty hard, but cold approaching women at random places like at the bus stop could also work out. If they seem relatively approachable, you want to make sure you seem interested but not too interested. I usually go about starting approaches by going straight to my purpose for talking to her in a playful manner.

Now that we've gone through where you can approach women, we can get into where to start.

So, if you haven't already done this, you could start by literally striking up a conversation with anyone you see who's relatively approachable. You do this without the intention of scoring or showing interest unless you mean to. So you could talk to a co-worker you've never talked to. Cashiers, waiters and the such are opportune people for you to talk to. Let's just call this phase 1. Now, the purpose of this is to get you comfortable to talking to people of various backgrounds, and getting you out of the bubble that may be your anxiety. After awhile, talking to strangers will become second nature and you'll be able to communicate with physical cues, and this will definitely equate to more ease with talking to women.

So let's now move on to phase 2 I suppose. Now, here is where you want to start talking to women. Like I've said, once you're comfortable enough talking to complete strangers and can hold a good conversation, you move on to approaching women you're interested in. You could start from places you already frequent, then to fun events, then at bars and clubs and if you're confident cold approaches at random places can also be possible.

Phase 3 should just be improving your game, and getting to the point where you can easily deal with shit tests and different types of barriers women put up. Obviously this does not mean pushing on the conversation if she's obviously not keen, but rather going through the various "tests" women give men when flirting.

Take note that you shouldn't let this all consume your life, and it shouldn't be the focus of your life. Take this as an opportunity to improve your confidence and as an extension, yourself. Being able to communicate efficiently and act quickly to tests will help you through life, through interviews or even through casual conversations in asserting who you are and what your interests are in the best way possible.

Whilst all this is happening, you should really get into improving aspects of your life women may be interested in. Women like guys who have stuff going on for them, meaning you have a life of your own. Get a hobby you're interested in, take up classes and learn new things, improve your career and education, get into improving your physique and upping your style game.

Last but not least, GO OUT THERE AND APPLY ALL THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE. There is absolutely no point in amassing all this knowledge and knowing everything if you aren't applying it. If you're genuinely scared, you could go to events with friends to make you less up tight. Start small, but be consistent and the most important thing to do is to just get out there on the field and keep trying.

I hope I've been as helpful as possible and I wish you all the best!

[–][deleted] 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Aeon199 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]fcukymleif 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I've felt that way before, though it's hard to overcome and though you might be experiencing harder things than I am, I'm sure you'll get to overcoming them.

I've mentioned this in my other response. Whilst raw confidence is good, and will get you to a certain extent, it's very important to have substance to back that confidence up.

I know it's hard to get started, so many aspects of my life were lacking behind, and I found it hard to start. But I chose one aspect which was working on my physique and then slowly but surely I worked my way up to improving my education, career and consequently my character and personality.

Start somewhere man, and always know that consistency is important in changing yourself for the better. Changing would be the wrong term here now that I think of it, since that would imply making play-do into butter or an analogy similar to that.

I think the word here is transformation my friend. What's important is keeping all your upsides and minimising your flaws. It will take time, and it will definitely take effort but it will surely be worth it!

My last advice would be to prioritise having discipline over motivation. Motivation is wavering and you may find yourself lacking it on some days. But discipline is unwavering, and with a cut throat conviction that's set in stone you'll surely succeed. GOODLUCK!

[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]fcukymleif2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Title	Would love to thank this subreddit
Author	fcukymleif
Upvotes	33
Comments	29
Date	September 2, 2016 5:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/50rq34/would_love_to_thank_this_subreddit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/would-love-to-thank-this-subreddit.1411809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1411809

Basically:These two weeks have been a blast!

Second Approach

Conclusion

Comments