First Attempt. How did I do?

bl1y · 2013-12-12T22:56:52+00:00

You went for it, so you've already passed.

Here's some pointers though:

Sooo you mean like a date? (Minor shit test?)

Not a shit test at all. She's straight up asking if you meant this to be a date or just as friends.

Well, whatever she'd like to call it is fine by me

BZZZZ! WRONG! At this point you should have specified that Yes. You do see this as a date. Is there the chance she might now reject you? Yeup, and that's the point. The worst possible situation isn't getting rejected, it's going thinking that it's a date while she thinks it's not a date.

I'm not looking for anything like dates right now, but coffee sounds great though.

And now we know it's going to go downhill very quick. She says she doesn't want it to be a date, but you're still going, probably because she does actually like you as a friend. But she also knows you want it to be a date, and what's more, she'll suspect you're going to try to turn it into a date despite her saying she doesn't want it to be.

If you actually like this girl as a friend, and won't spend your time pining after her, hoping she changes her mind, then go and treat her like you would any other friend. Never hurts to have more friends.

Hods · 2013-12-12T21:30:21+00:00

Sounds like you did a good job!

Although my tip for improvement would have been this; when she said "Sooo you mean like a date", I would've gone for "Not like a date. A date" if you catch my drift.

Pinkar · 2013-12-13T02:35:52+00:00

If i can offer some input would be about the number closing, after it you shouldn't let (in my opinion) "She gives me her number, and conversation ends." Keep the conversation going, at least to show her that the number thing isn't a big deal.

Synzael · 2013-12-13T19:42:11+00:00

My advice, try putting vaporub on girls nipples. They love that shit. Peace :)

LiberalPenguin · 2013-12-12T21:40:00+00:00

I'm not trying to burst your bubble here, but I thnk she's gonna flake on this one...

I commend you on your balls for going for it. DO THIS! Continue doing it. Because it's what works.

Problem here is that you haven't built up any "tension". You are playing the nice guy, sort of.

Unless you have done this before this encounter, she is either going to flake, or go grab a coffee with you and friend zone you quickly. So move quickly. Be confident.

Have a plan for what happens AFTER coffee. MAybe you know a band is playing? Something with alchocol is always great (for your and her nerves).

Reddit_SLC · 2013-12-13T01:08:18+00:00

I would probably change your "Well, whatever you'd like to call it is fine by me" (too beta) to something like (laughing) "Yeah, duh! And who doesn't like coffee!?". This is a way to lightly make fun of her while making it clear that this is a date.

Generally, you played it fine, especially for your first attempt.

Also, unless you've already worked towards putting yourself in the friendzone or something, I wouldn't worry too much about her comment "Well I'd love to get coffee with you! Assuming you were even talking about me. Laughs I'm not looking for anything like dates right now, but coffee sounds great though." While this certainly isn't ideal, I don't think it is a deal breaker either. Try to make it a little clearer that this is a date and see where your date goes. Definitely focus on kino and escalating. Make it clear how you see her and that she isn't just a friend. You should have a good idea after your coffee date if she sees you the same way.

TheTrillFam · 2013-12-13T01:39:50+00:00

I'd start off by saying that sounds like it went a lot better than my first approach. It seems like people already have said what I wanted to say. I still want to hammer down the not a date part. I won't use the specific one you did since everyone else has already talked about it but I have something to add. 1 of the 2 main reasons I came here was because I was in a LTR and she broke up with me. After that there was a girl that I like that I got DEEP friend zoned by for this same kind of thing. Now, I make damn sure they know it's a date before we go out. I probably do get rejected more for having that trait but I know I will never go back to that hell hole know as the friend zone.

ThroughDarkness · 2013-12-13T01:42:06+00:00

Lol I found this way too funny: "end this semester with a BANG" haha

johnnynoname12 · 2013-12-13T12:07:08+00:00

don't worry about "how you did"

you "did" ---that is all that matters

joshsway · 2013-12-13T14:14:06+00:00

The key is that you did it. In terms of a improving, a couple suggestions:

(1) Cut the hollywood crap (I was thinking of grabbing coffee with a cool girl I just met.) It shows lack of confidence versus just suggesting meeting up.

(2) Skip the coffee dates, they are a waste of time, and you risk getting answers like you did, which is her already framing your meeting "platonically". You can read more about this in point 2,3, and 4 of this article I wrote: http://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/6-reasons-why-day-dates-are-a-bad-idea

exhibitionistcouplez · 2013-12-13T15:18:57+00:00

Ehh, rather than "alpha" I just think you're too aloof, but I approach very differently than most guys do, especially on Seddit.

Forget the past. She's up for coffee. I suggest you have plans which can take it past coffee. Movie, Dinner, putt putt, I don't know. Whatever you like that's available where you are. Make them plans you plan to do with or without her (have a life, basically) and invite her to join you. If she remarks anything about going alone I'd flat out hit her with "Yeah well I didn't want to have a big friend outing with the cute girl I just had coffee with so I figured I'd fly solo if you weren't up for it and go with you if you are" or something.

Hint to her ahead of time that after coffee more things can develop. Don't ask her "can you do this" after just have plans for after coffee and invite her along with you.

Don't know her, but "I'm not up for dates right now" sounds like her remaining aloof just in case. Show a little more direct interest. Compliment her. Show her that you're attracted. I only ask girls out who I think are pretty hot in my own opinion so I generally lead with "Damn..." and then "You look great" when they ask "What?" when I meet for a first date, which coffee will be from the sound of what you posted.

Just be yourself and flirt. Make your intentions and attraction clear while at the same time asking her about yourself and telling her about yourself. Express interest and gauge her interest. See how things go.

It's just coffee, but if it goes well see if you can turn it into more than that on the first try. If you do, you're in.

XionGuard · 2013-12-14T18:06:18+00:00

You should remember that getting the number is important, but don't weigh that over the girl. I know situations where I've gotten the number and just dipped, as if getting her number was actually more important than talking to the girl. Your interaction with her is extremely important, and it's what keeps her interested. Just because you have gotten the # doesn't mean you need to dip out. Still try and engage in the conversation afterwards and then leave. If she is busy and has somewhere to be ASAP then the situation would differ.

Title	First Attempt. How did I do?
Author	Sir_Ant
Upvotes	21
Comments	33
Date	December 12, 2013 8:41 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sqqym/first_attempt_how_did_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-attempt-how-did-i-do.1362955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362955

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