First Date Tips - Constantly ghosted after 1st dates

Altokation · 2025-07-19T13:15:23+00:00

Because the other guys have touched on the outer game that you need to do more kino, I'll touch a bit on the inner game.

For a girl to see a spark in you, you also need to have a bit of a spark that in yourself. You might be being a bit too in your head on the date, you should be able to feel a bit of flutters in your heart, and translate that in your eyes, words and actions.

Put simply, for her to feel attraction, you need to feel it first. This is a common noobie mistake where guys are a bit too cold on the first date, and there's no spark.

That being said you don't want to spasm all over the girl. You want to build tension.

In terms of what it looks like in outer game it's strong eye contact, and kino; but nothing over the top. But tbh you don't even need insane amounts of Kino, I've had dates with 0 kino where I get a second date.

It's about transferring that emotion into her.

Experiment and keep track of your first date to second date ratio and keep doing what works.

designbau5 · 2025-07-19T12:58:03+00:00

More kino, less overt showing of interest. Either be enigmatic/mysterious or silly - whichever best fits your vibe.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-07-19T22:22:03+00:00

attempt at shitty flirting

That's the problem. You are not creating sexual tension, because you still haven't figure out the difference between acting like a potential lover and acting like just a friend. You treat girls in such a way that it's too platonic, too safe, too comfortable. You don't create any sexual tension, you don't actaully act like you want to fuck them, you don't act in a sexual way.

Maybe you refuse to take that risk because you fear being creepy or perverted or whatever, but that's exactly the problem. When you don't treat women like you want to fuck them, you begin to act in such a way that it's too friendly, too nice, too safe, too comfortable.

You need to express sexual desire in a woman, and yes that means yo ucan risk coming on too strong which can get them defensive, but coming on too weak is also bad. So you need to take the risk to get close enough to the line of coming on too strong without crossing it completely, that's what sexual tension is.

That means start acting and expressing like you find them sexy, that you are into them, that you find the way they do things sexy/attractive/hot, telling them that they look like a snack, start talking with a tone that's more sensual, insinuate that you'd like to do things to them, but not revealing exactly what, just hinting it without giving them the full answer... Not just telling them compliments because compliments isn't really flirting, but to actually express desire which isn't the same thing.

You should read this reddit post that expands more on this.

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-07-19T12:48:17+00:00

Do u do any kino?

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-07-19T15:30:16+00:00

There's no real universal rule set or anything. I rarely kiss on a first date and don't go into a date with any expectations of results other than a chance to get to know and spend a bit of time out of the house. I'm a pretty inquisitive guy by nature and the kind to take things apart, see how they work, etc. I naturally focus a lot on the woman and try to get her talking.

You can and should be "interviewing," just try to work on the flow of keeping it conversational. You want as much informational ammo as you can get to make the decision of whether or not you'd like to go on more dates. It's important to gauge for compatibility so you don't just waste each other's time. Forget about looks and see her as a real person.

By the end of the night we've done a lot of talking and I get a pretty good idea of her vibe and where she's at in life right now. Sometimes I request a second date and sometimes I don't. Women decline more dates on average than men because they have more options; I try to be critical as well if vibes are off. Whether people like to admit it or not, a first date is an audition for future dates. Just be your natural self and don't ham it up with a fake persona. Don't lie, manipulate or deceive; be honest with yourself and to her.

Also, maybe consider being introduced to women by your friends. If you have female friends, they can be of great help as well. I was introduced to my current girlfriend through a friend and it made the transition from date to trusted person and girlfriend really smooth. After the date, she likely just talked to her friends about it as I already know multiple people she knows and vice versa. Inner circle game is pretty underrated, I'd say and eliminates a lot of the unknowns like stranger, congruence and so forth. Someone she knows and trusts vouching for you is a million times more important than a wingman that only you know.

Several-Two738 · 2025-07-19T15:32:53+00:00

Maybe you arent getting physical and she is putting you in the friendzone?

Seiiiiiii · 2025-07-19T16:04:20+00:00

Keep being hopeful. There is a limited amount of mistakes you can do. The hard part is identifying them.

Most of the reasons why men fail their first date is because they make the girl feel either bored or uncomfortable. Either because you are playing it too safe or the opposite. And most of the reasons why this happens, is because they have an agenda on the first date.

First dates should be to have fun. Not aiming for sex or anything like that. Sure, if she seems super down then yeah go for it. But it should never be your primary objective.

Next time you’re on a date, start thinking: « How can I make myself entertained right now? »

If you’re entertained, you look genuine. You seem healthy. That’s where the spark can happen.

StopElectingWealthy · 2025-07-19T23:07:41+00:00

You might be coming off as too thirsty/ excited / desperate
You might not have anything interesting going on in your life
Your dates are boring, you’re too respectful i.e. not playful/flirty/teasy/fun. Basically not building the energy

Independent-Cod-5938 · 2025-07-20T09:30:07+00:00

Keep us updated if any of the strategies from the comment work!

Objective_Shallot879 · 2025-07-22T14:52:39+00:00

Not sure if you're into this, but I’m building a tool, still super early tho, that lets you record your date or cold approach (like a voice memo on your phone) and then gives you feedback on flirting, Moments of High Interest, missed moments to escalate or tease. Although in the game for a while now, it’s something I want to use to reflect and continue improving.

If you want, hit me up and I’ll share it with you so you can give it a try if you'd find this helpful.

Title	First Date Tips - Constantly ghosted after 1st dates
Author	Tribestar95
Upvotes	12
Comments	37
Date	July 19, 2025 12:42 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m3vbgn/first_date_tips_constantly_ghosted_after_1st_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-date-tips-constantly-ghosted-after-1st-dates.1557549 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557549

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