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[–]notgeorgeclooney 8 points9 points10 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Question is, what can I do tonight to make me feel like another night of my life wasn't wasted in the morning?
Right there is your problem. Don't be so result oriented. Just go out to have fun and nothing else and it'll be easier. Thats your aim tonight. Go out, make friends and HAVE FUN. If you have fun, its not a waste of a night regardless, and if your having fun girls will want to be around you.
[–]EncasedMeats 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go out, make friends and HAVE FUN.
Ramen to that. Start out by talking to people with whom you do not want to have sex. This will give you a) practice, b) a positive vibe, and c) many opportunities to slingshot into the attentions of lovely, eligible females.
[–]TofuTofu 7 points8 points9 points 15 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
GREAT pickup line for you.
"Hi. How's it going?"
or better yet
"Hey, I'm nervous about approaching people and talking to them. Any advice for me? Oh, you sometimes have approach anxiety too? Tell me about that [man/woman] you wanted to approach but didn't have the guts? Why didn't you do it? Did you regret it?"
Do either of those sincerely and I guarantee it will lead into great conversations - and you might even learn some stuff!
Try that in a local watering hole (get there early and stay all day) and report back to us how it went!
[–]StopThinkAct 5 points6 points7 points 15 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
People dont find that pathetic or weird?
[–]TofuTofu 7 points8 points9 points 15 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Maybe. Go find out for us!
That's the point of going out a bazillion times. Try new stuff out. See what works!
Can't think of an "opener" to talk about that will start a genuine conversation? I just gave you one that almost every person in the world can relate to!
EDIT: There really is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tyler Durden puts it as "The strongest reality wins."
If your reality is that people will find it pathetic and weird, people will find it pathetic and weird. If you go in with an open-mind, no outcome dependence and speak sincerely, with a smile on your face, it WILL open sets. I guarantee I can go out right now and use that opener to get into great conversations. You just need more experience and you can do the same! It's in you, I promise you!
[–]Clumpy 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love that response: "Wouldn't that be weird?" "Try it and see!" :D
[–]acllee 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this falls in line with a lot of the confidence posts that are on seddit. you can say a lot of borderline stuff as long as you stay confident and say it with a smile.
[–]BowlingisnotNam 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you are a shy person, don't pretend you aren't.
Confidence will come from your success using what you have, not from faking what you don't. I promise!
[–]squigs 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's good advice. Shyness doesn't seem to be big a turn-off to girls. The worst anyone will say about it is it's "cute". And if other shy guys are like me, once conversation actually starts flowing the shyness goes away.
[–]BowlingisnotNam 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks! I am definitely an introvert at heart, but I do have confidence to spare, and it works for me.
[–]SselemanLuos 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you go early on, you can get to talk to the bartenders and waitresses, make stupid jokes and be a fun customer, and by the time the crowd arrives they'll know you and make you seem cool (plus you wont have to wait for drinks).
If you make yourself the creep who has to go sit at end of the bar alone, it's both pathetic and weird. If you're the guy who is so self content that he can go to a bar at two in the afternoon, sit in the center of the bar and just order a great beer and not give a damn, people will strike up a conversation with you.
Plus at a lot of places the bartenders are cute girls who feel swamped and when its slow during the day would love to sit at talk to you.
[–]msundi83 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I respect where TofuTofu is coming from with his advice about being open and saying you are new to talking to people. Personally, I would have the same reservations you are feeling about saying something like that to someone new. I think people you just met don't all necessarily want to talk about approach anxiety with a stranger. They want to keep it fun at least for starters. If you are having a conversation and vibing with someone you just met the conversation may turn to talking about metting new people and how hard it is, but I would work into that. The most solid advice I've heard on opening is to just say hi like Tofu said. Its genuine and doesn't come across as a line. Most girls don't need to be impressed with what's coming out of your mouth the instant they meet you. Just work on your body language and try to look comfortable and it goes a long way despite what you say.
[–]AegisSC 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've done this a handful of times. Girls are always willing and wanting to tell you what their version of the perfect guy should do/not do when approaching women.
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same problems I have. But I am out there flying solo anyway. Think to yourself: what's a bigger waste of time?
Going out to meet girls and not meeting any, but there was that chance, and maybe there will be another chance next time. And each time you go out, you get better at attracting women.
Sitting at home playing World of Warcraft. Each time you sit down, you get fatter and more sedentary, and get better at attracting the admiration of the people in your online guild that you'll never meet.
[–]superfuntime 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the tips everyone. Very solid advice.
I got up and left the house as soon as notgeorgeclooney posted because I knew he was right.
11:30PM, just got back. Not a bad night. Talked with people, no expectations, had fun. I think I can repeat this any night of the week!
[–]throwaway42 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Woop woop!
[–]Mouthpiece 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Boom.
The best way to find out that simply starting conversations with people isn't all that scary is to start conversations with people.
The worsy-case outcome is that they're not interested or even downright scornful. But so what? You'll never see them again. Risk it. The upside is SO worth it.
I'll talk to damn near anyone if I'm out and about. The worst I've ever gotten is disinterest, never a drink thrown at me.
[–]superfuntime 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No drink in the face? You're not trying hard enough! ;)
[–]Mouthpiece 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not taking enough risks, true. But for the most part, I haven't needed to. I get plenty of openings with my moderate approach.
[–]sethc 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've came to the conclusion that I'm way better off when I go it alone. Of course, I'm really outgoing so that probably has something to do with it.
But, think about it. When you're with all your boys, not only do you concern yourself with rejection from the chick, but you're worrying about throwing up some weak game in front of your friends. You don't want to be the subject of getting heckled a million times for that time you stumbled when you walked over to a girl. Much better that something like that happens alone.
Also, you don't have to worry about being rushed or persuaded to do something or go somewhere when/wherever your friends want. When you're flying solo, you have much more time to strategize, plan your approach, and rationalize the pros/cons.
Lastly, so many people forget that the simplest icebreaker in the world is "Hello, my name is X." as long as it's said in a genuine, sane tone.
[–]illuminatiexists 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Then what do you say typically? After they have introduced yourselves?
[–]sethc 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That usually depends on the setting. I mostly follow it up by bitching or complaining about something obvious that she will agree with.
Like if I'm in line to buy a drink I'll start bitching about the slow service etc. I also try to add in something really humorous. Like "jesus fucking christ, if jabba the hutt would pour more than 1 drink an hour we might get somewhere" and as I say it I act like I'm paying more attention to what I'm bitching about than her.
Obviously this isn't gonna work if you're both looking at bananas at the grocery store so it sort of has to be tailored o the envionment.
[–]ClevelandSeddit 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Talk. To. Everyone!
I'm from Ohio, I've traveled to many places alone and had the most exhilarating experiences one can legally have. Talking my way into clubs, skipping lines, making friends, and getting into VIP areas. You really just need to let go and have fun. It's amazing how responsive people become if your carefree and just want everyone around you to feel as good as you do.
Dont Worry about you middle game, approach game, end game etc.. You will have a lot of time to reflect on it after you have the best night of your life! Honestly, your focusing on the wrong things here, go out and make mistakes, failure is the quickest way to learn and actually isn't that bad when you get used to it.
[–]ChemicalRain 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's easy if you don't try hard.
Dont...try... hard
[–]sneakatdatavibe1 point 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I don't really enjoy bars/clubs
Learn how to make friends out of strangers.
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[–]notgeorgeclooney 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EncasedMeats 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TofuTofu 7 points8 points9 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]StopThinkAct 5 points6 points7 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]TofuTofu 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Clumpy 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]acllee 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BowlingisnotNam 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]squigs 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BowlingisnotNam 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SselemanLuos 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]msundi83 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AegisSC 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]superfuntime 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway42 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mouthpiece 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]superfuntime 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mouthpiece 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sethc 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]illuminatiexists 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sethc 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ClevelandSeddit 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChemicalRain 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sneakatdatavibe1 point [recovered] | Copy Link