For guys that want multiple girlfriends: 9 things trial and error has taught me you MUST do for it not to blow up in your face

itsmevichet · 2013-04-03T17:44:52+00:00

Dude, I've been waiting for someone to post plate-spinning and open relationship methodology on here for a while. Great post.

I generally post this kind of advice under my throwaway because there's too much identifying info on my current account, but it's totally true that there are great women out there willing to accept alternative arrangements.

Thing is, it's a super advanced concept. If a guy can't handle himself with one girl, multiple is going to cause huge headaches.

Also, you may want to go more into the logistics of this kind of thing for the future, because time management is absolutely an issue when you're seeing multiple girls.

ArcherTA · 2013-04-03T19:40:11+00:00

Fantastic read. I loved this part:

Jealousy is just selfishness and low self-image. It is the concern that she will do something or find someone that she likes more than you. Shitty dudes deal with this by limiting their girl’s freedom. You see it all the time in exclusive relationships. Guy won’t let her go out, or if he does, won’t let her speak to anyone and freaks out if she does. If she can’t do anything new, the dude’s position at the center of her universe won’t be threatened.

There was a time when I was that guy. Now, I know dudes like that and it's sad to watch girls accept it. I know doing that to a girl was WAY worse than anything I'm doing now, and I feel bad for acting that way. Freedom is so much better.

ctranger · 2013-04-03T19:15:23+00:00

I agree with everything in that article 100%.

Knowing what you want and having the confidence to break those classic notions and assumptions about relationships is key. You must also have the strength to be fully honest with them, and it takes guts.

To elaborate more on the final point ("you can't win them all"), sometimes, you'll have to let a girl go. Despite open communication and expectation management, her wishes/desires and level of attachment may change 3,6 or even 8 months down the road. Many will want a more serious arrangement after a while.

If your goal of dating multiple women is to find that special someone and you're ready, then by all means, go for an exclusive commitment. Otherwise, know when to end it instead of leading her on. Keeping a girl in your 'circle' despite her best interests for the sake of variety is selfish and goes against the very notion of abundance mentality.

I was recently in this position. She couldn't understand why "she wasn't enough" despite her agreeing to the open relationship several months back. Like OP states, whether it was the jealousy or the challenge, she had become 'emotionally exhausted' from always wondering what I was up to and who I was with. Sometimes, it's a question of maturity. I chose to end it and she's much happier now, we still keep in touch.

AvidStudier · 2013-04-03T16:58:30+00:00

If you find a group you seriously need to win over the "obstacles" if you will. There is normally like a 95% chance you won't get anywhere if you don't win them over just because of sheer exclusion and self esteem issues.

notlurkinganymoar · 2013-04-03T23:55:15+00:00

Great stuff man. Thanks for posting.

realmanhands · 2013-04-04T03:35:47+00:00

I'm currently in 3 relationships. Two of them know about each other and have become friends - after we had a threesome together. Honesty is key here. The third girl knows i see other women but I have used some of the techniques talked about by OP to keep her jealous free. Time management is also key.

Great article. I've certainly had to figure my way through things a few times but this article will be very helpful for the future.

SubbedToSelfImprove2 · 2013-04-04T01:44:01+00:00

I had a very, very similar conversation with my new girlfriend. She accepts and encourages my decision, and understands that I want to be intimate and social with as many people as I can. Before the conversation, I had stopped approaching for a little while because I didn't want to "cheat" on her. It drove me crazy when I went out because I wanted to approach but I couldn't without wanting to practise escalation.

Her: If you love me then why am I not enough?

Me: Love does not mean being my entire world. I love my best friend, but if he told me to drop all my other friends and go exclusive with him, it would be over. There are too many wonderful, beautiful people for me to shut any doors. And I am so happy that I maintained those open doors, because if I had been exclusive with some other girl, I wouldn’t have you in my life.

Her: Did you hook up with someone else?

Me: Before we ask this question of each other, we need to set some ground rules. I am happy to talk about this and I want you to feelcomfortable telling me about people you’ve been with if you want. Personally, I won’t be asking, but you should feel free to tell me if it is important to you. If you want to know who I have been with I will tell you things that don’t violate their privacy. But regardless, you should know the answer has NO bearing on my feelings towards you.

throwaway18594 · 2013-04-04T02:01:13+00:00

I'd never get into an open relationship, however I applaud your emphasis on ethics and open communication.

My only reservation is that yeah, girls are going to get hurt. No matter what.

It certainly comes with my own trial and error, but if a guy I really really liked told me as eloquently as you put it, "I like you but I don't want to make any sort of commitment to you whatsoever and I never, ever will." That would be the end of that.

Manny_Rize · 2013-04-04T08:40:02+00:00

Thank you for this! nobody ever explains the details behind building open relationships other than vague statements such as "you just have to be honest"

Its about time someone gave us this much needed info. Once again your fucking awesome!

what_am_idoing · 2013-04-03T23:32:21+00:00

What's wrong with one girlfriend?

Title	For guys that want multiple girlfriends: 9 things trial and error has taught me you MUST do for it not to blow up in your face
Author	KickassAcademy
Upvotes	122
Comments	25
Date	April 3, 2013 4:11 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1blf5z/for_guys_that_want_multiple_girlfriends_9_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/for-guys-that-want-multiple-girlfriends-9-things.1349965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1349965

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