I’ve lost 30 lbs or so, and I’m just teetering on the line of overweight/healthy, with a plan to lose 20 more lbs. I feel great about my body though, and I’m liking the way I look and the fun new clothes I get to wear.
The problem is, I’m not the only one who now likes what I look like. I live in a city, and for the past month or so, almost every time I leave my house, a man comments on my body (this can be him yelling from a distance or speaking to me from a foot or two away) or openly checks me out. Just today I had two comments from men sitting on their front stoops, and one man STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK and stared at me as I walked by him. I was scared to look back in case he was following me. I miss the cold politeness from strangers when I was fat, and how I could walk around without attracting attention. It’s very uncomfortable and makes me feel unsafe, but I don’t feel like I can do anything but put my head down and hurry past as fast as I can.
I know I probably sound ungrateful for the attention, but can anyone else relate? It’s almost discouraging me from getting to my goal weight, because I don’t want it to get worse.
Edited to add: I’m not a supermodel, I’m average looking. This isn’t a humble brag, this is me trying to figure out how I’m supposed to come to terms with living with street harassment when I’m not used to it and it scares the shit out of me.
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Alex_O7 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't buy yuor answer to the problem. You could be the biggest guy on earth, but if someone want to hurt you he could with ease, using a knife or worst a gun.
Then you can say "so i could buy gun and knife, and a bollet proof jacket" but the problem remain anyway.
[–]ImJustSo 7 points8 points9 points (6 children) | Copy Link
Why is that interesting? As a deterrent for men who already have issues with approaching women?
Why should we care that there's a ton of failures out there that don't know how to properly speak to women?
Let the failures speak for themselves.
[–]EnvironmentalTwister 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
in that case, it was only creepy since the guy didn't try to talk to her, and when she isn't interested (as the post seems like) take the social cue and leave
[–]duckfeatherduvet 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
Because women exist on this subreddit and it's a relevant topic for us in this context???
[–]One_Insanity 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh ok, you need to be told that shouting "Nice ass, baby" from across the street is not going to get you anywhere?
There you go.
You're set. Go get 'em champ.
[–]ImJustSo 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Explain how what you said answers any question I raised? You're making this a gender issue, but it's not.
I was 330lbs, I'm a man, I lost offer one hundred pounds. I can tell you that women treat me way differently now and many don't know how to speak to me or act towards me. Just like men don't know how to approach that woman in the OP.
So again, why is it interesting in regards to seduction? Are we all in need of knowing what not to do? Because most people here looking for answers already know what not to do. They're all trying to learn what to do.
[–]recyclablebanthas2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
I am going to go out on a limb and wager that you losing weight hasn't led to you being harassed on the street or wondering if you're in danger of having penetrative sex forced upon you.
I'm going to wager that you're not dealing with a huge amount of discomfort and that it mostly is an ego boost.
Did you not even read the quote from the woman above?
Are you kidding me? This isn't anything like what you're dealing with, unless you are leaving a LOT out of your account.
She's in such a way about it that she's actually being discouraged about continuing on with her weight loss. Take a moment and imagine, what would it take for you to feel like maybe you were making a mistake to lose weight.
If you find yourself dismissing her emotions out of hand because you can't relate, then you're only proving the point that your situation as a man losing weight is different from hers.
[–]recyclablebanthas0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
Because understanding what they're going through is something any man should know if they are trying to level up their skills here.
Knowing doesn't mean you freak out or get more anxious. It means you have more information and information is power.
This notion that having empathy for women should lead to not trying, is bullshit. The real problem for men who already "have issues approaching women" is that they get wrapped up in their own anxiety and fail to connect, NOT that they have too much empathy. They're actually too self-absorbed, and telling themselves the fiction that they're nice guys and so empathetic and don't want to bother women so they don't try.
Really, they're the flipside of the coin from the asshole who plows through a bunch of interactions with no consideration for the girls he interacts with or the mess he leaves behind for the next men who try to chat up those girls.
The problem is that these failures don't just speak for themselves. They sour the environment around them.
I see this all the time, especially at night.
Things are fine, and then a bunch of awkward dudes come in and soon everyone is closed off to interacting with strangers.
The truth is, once someone has dealt with a guy who's really awkward and/or harassing them because he's pushing too hard thoughtlessly, they're not going to magically know whether the next stranger is any better or worse. This is partly where the whole "bitch shield" business comes from.
[–]kyzen142 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I know what OP is trying to say everyone else is too afraid to approach a woman. Cat calling a woman is really weak I mean approaching a woman in broad day light telling her u like how she looks takes balls and notice how non of the women complained about being approached because non did but about being cat called.
[–]dromance 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
move to another neighborhood lol. you probably live in the 'hood.
[–]TinkerbellVomit2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
Nope, happens everywhere. Rich kids/men often feel entitled to your attention and your body.
[–]NoRiceForP 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean it's only natural that you get more unwanted attention as you become more physically attractive. That's not really avoidable. I just hope that you'll find the benefits of leading a healthier life much greater than the negatives.
[–]nellythumper 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
😎😎
[–]One_Insanity -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
This speaks more volumes of how men have failed women by not being absolute fuckin studs than it does of how "advantageous" is being fat or whatever the fuck is the point of that post.
Seems more like a night time bitching session with a tub of ice cream in hand and a bloody twat.
[–]duckfeatherduvet -4 points-3 points-2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
For the 1 situation where being pretty is useful there's at least 20 where it's a massive fucking problem.
[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
What are the 20?
[–]WIA20XX -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
The overlap between guys on this sub and guys that cat call are miniscule?