[FR] Failed very LAST minute resistance, she used 'crazy' logic, I didn't know what to do.

reph · 2010-12-19T20:35:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

philosarapter · 2010-12-19T21:21:36+00:00

"Okay, so you conned me all the way to bed just so you could drop this on me? Well have a good night!"

You don't ever want to express anger, frustration or any other negative emotion to a woman. Your frame should always be that you are giving her the privilege of sleeping with you and not the other way around. The above sentence reeks of bitterness, which is a huge turn off.

I would have approached this scenario as follows. I would have agreed with her that what she was doing was wrong but steadily continue to escalate. Sometimes women just need validation. Just because she says that she doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean that she doesn't want to have sex. When women have one night stands it is viewed by society as slutty behaviour. This doesn't apply so much to guys. Sometimes she is just indirectly expressing that she is a good girl and understands the societal expectations. She is probably just looking for some validation, not necessarily saying she doesn't want to have sex. Validate what she is saying while slowly escalating. If she continues to object to sex then stop. You don't want to cross the line here and you should definitely, definitely not force sex.

If this doesn't work, your best course of action is to freeze her out. Play it cool - like you couldn't care less if you got laid or not. You don't want to come across as needy. Do not accuse her of conning you or the like. Your attitude should be "Meh, no biggie". Occupy your time with something else. Check out her movie collection, surf the web, whatever. Now that she is no longer the centre of attention, she may try and reinstate herself by reinitiating sex.

TofuTofu · 2010-12-19T21:42:34+00:00

Freeze out.

chumpta · 2010-12-20T03:39:57+00:00

Her: "I don't just have sex with friends, only with boyfriends." Me: "Why

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE BRO you already made your mistake. you could say "yea you're right" or "oh ok" with the most indifferent inflection you can muster. physically you can just keep going or freezeout. if the former does not work then fall back on the latter. try once, get rejection, try again, get rejection, freezeout, or just freezeout after the first one.

Her: "Okay, okay, I slept with a guy last week, but that's the only exception." Me: "And he wasn't your boyfriend?"

lol he probably didn't try to explain or argue.

"Okay, so you conned me all the way to bed just so you could drop this on me? Well have a good night!"

you mad? think about freezeouts like this - if a girl could possibly put on a troll face and ask "you mad?" when you do it, youre putting way too much negative emotion into it.

her logic is emotional, not crazy. or perhaps better put, a logical assessment of emotion. you get all bent outta shape over this? what else will you be very easily affected by? and of course subconsciously you killed the shit out of the attraction.

live and learn get ammo for next time.

executex · 2010-12-19T20:08:29+00:00

I think the biggest mistake was not waiting for an answer.

You said "Well have a good night", and she could definitely be upset and take that as pure rejection. Sometimes people won't realize it's a bluff. You should have probably waited for an answer.

Also, maybe you framed it that you really wanted sex. Which prompted her ASD. Once the shields are up, it's hard to get it down. Perhaps you might have done well to ignore her when she does this stuff and focus on checking your emails or whatever (or something like, take condom off "Hmm, I'm relieved anyway, I didn't want this relationship to devolve to just being about sex.") It's framing her that you are not really interested in sex only.

With women it's funny, sometimes they are going for the psychology and on the rare occasion they apply logic at the worst time.

2010-12-19T21:51:44+00:00

Since when do women respond to logic? You shouldn't have argued with her, just said "ok" and froze her out. However, your freeze out was too extreme, and simply came across as pouting/being mad. You should have been like, "ok let's do something else" and just talked to her or watched TV with her.

then if she still doesn't put out you just don't have to call her again. in this scenario, you surrendered your frame to her.

philosarapter · 2010-12-20T15:48:39+00:00

One: Don't let her have an emotional impact on you. It sounds like you turned over and just pouted about not being able to have sex. Don't ever get mad over this type of thing, it just makes you look stupid.

Secondly: You could have diffused the situation about a few times there.

Her: "I don't just have sex with friends, only with boyfriends."

Me: "Is that so? ... [keep kissing her]"

Her: "There is more to a relationship than just sex, and my boyfriends in the past were all really bad in bed."

Me: "Then its about time you have someone who's great in bed... [keep kissing her]"

The point is, you were trying to logic her. This isn't going to get you anywhere. In fact, I'd say after this interaction, now she just feels like a slut. Don't ask her about personal things, about 'trying the milk before buying the cow' or who she had sex with recently. Thats just weird.

But basically she was saying "i don't want to be seen as a slut" and you were like "well don't you fuck people?" .... "didn't you just fuck some guy last week?" ... "oh so now your not gonna fuck me? you can leave."

botcloud · 2010-12-19T21:30:59+00:00

Her: "I don't just have sex with friends, only with boyfriends."

Me: "Why would you want to be 'in a relationship' with someone you've never slept with? Maybe you and I could be more than friends, but it's going to some time to figure that out."

Lol! Getting all logical when you're so close to fucking her. Man that was dumb. Sorry :S

insite · 2010-12-19T19:52:23+00:00

[At this point I just said, "Okay, so you conned me all the way to bed just so you could drop this on me? Well have a good night!"]

The above is about the only snag I saw. You were absolutely correct to question her motives. If you avoided sharing your the frustration but still held firm in your stance that you feel differently it would have allowed you to continue to keep the high-ground (if you cared to).

Either way it seems best to avoid her in the future. If anything starts with girl B girl A will make things more difficult. Even if you just want to get some she has made it clear she will interject her needs above yours.

That said, was she in the wrong? Well, she reacted on her need to feel needed when she couldn't have you. She is showing more of a need at this time to lock you down than to actually be with you. It could develop into more, but she sounds like she is in drama-ready mode.

Overall, it was probably for the best that you slammed the door shut.

reph · 2010-12-19T20:59:35+00:00

First off.. congrats on getting a girl into your bed..

She may have needed more comfort. Not supplication, don't tell her you want to be her BF if you don't, just comfort her. Use the "3 rules" story or whatever.
Your response seemed too reactive. You overplayed the freeze out and tried to hurt her. With LMR: If you get mad, you lose. If you beg for sex, you lose. If you ignore her emotions and keep escalating, you lose.. So say something very simple like "OK, I understand" and then go surf the web (not seddit :P).
Given what happened, don't talk to her for a couple weeks. Like they say.. GFTOW.. although it can be a bitch sometimes.

alexryane · 2010-12-20T13:23:48+00:00

Its really simple: Whenever you are wondering what to say or do, always ask yourself "will what I am about to say or do help or hinder me getting laid".

If its the latter, don't do it.

scottsutherland · 2010-12-21T02:27:01+00:00

"Okay, so you conned me all the way to bed just so you could drop this on me? Well have a good night!"

You had the right approach but this response was way too overboard. Right here you're officially letting her know that you came all this way just to sleep with her. Instead, you should have given her one last push of making out etc, then said "don't worry about it" and pulled away/turned the lights on, etc.

vonged · 2010-12-20T10:02:59+00:00

LOL HOLY SHIT U FUCKED UP

Title	[FR] Failed very LAST minute resistance, she used 'crazy' logic, I didn't know what to do.
Author	botcloud
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	December 19, 2010 7:21 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eoem7/fr_failed_very_last_minute_resistance_she_used/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-failed-very-last-minute-resistance-she-used.1313788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313788

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