Hey guys--throwaway here because I have business here on Reddit. I wanted to share my first field report as I finally have something to contribute and wanted to say thanks for everyone else's contributions that I've soaked up over the years.

I haven't been lurking as much as I've come to the conclusion that as an anxious over thinker of pretty much everything, I need to take action and just stop worrying. I feel that coming here daily reinforced to myself subconsciously that I have not acquired the tools and knowledge to succeed with women, when rather I've read more than my fair share over the years and was just letting my anxiety and insecurities get to me. I regularly talk myself out of potentially great things and can't take anything good that's said to me/about be at face value.

I know there are people here that feel the same way. I've never had much success with women, let alone a same-day F-close, but I'm primarily posting this for those who feel that such an experience is out of reach for them. It's not--the brain is a powerful, powerful thing and it will hold you back way more than anything else if you don't manage your insecurities.

Field Report

This happened just yesterday. It was Sunday and I only needed to get a workout in, and then I could relax all day. I kept pushing the workout off and was bored out of my mind, trying to set some plans up with friends. I'm 26yo and friends are all in grad/professional school, so we're all busy and making plans can be a challenge. I find out a good friend (M26) is going to the mall to hit up the Apple Store, so I dive at the opportunity.

I showered and dressed well, and we were off. I had no intentions whatsoever outside of getting myself out of the house (I work from home), hitting up the mall to buy something I was interested in and visit the Apple Store, and grabbing something to eat.

Fast forward to dinner, and we go to a fairly busy, darklit restaurant connected to the mall. Wait time is 45 minutes so we sit at the bar instead. I'm to the left and my friend (we'll call him Joe) is to the right. There is a purse sitting on a chair to his right and then HB7 (brunette, tan, looked very early 30's) sitting to the right of that chair.

I'm leaning toward my friend during the discussion and have a clear view of Sarah. I had no idea if she was waiting on anyone. TBH, I was primarily excited to eat and didn't really care. We're ten minutes in, Sarah is eating her main course, and I conclude she is there alone.

She finishes and I think orders dessert, then fiddles with her phone a bit. I'm not sure if she was trying to get us to talk to her (I asked her later and she claims she wasn't and she didn't expect us to talk to her), but I've made the mistake of not engaging a girl alone at the bar who appeared to be with nobody TOO MANY TIMES when I was younger and there's no way I was doing it this time. It rarely happens, though. They're never alone! (Where I'm from anyway).

She looks friendly and I'm in a good mood, am dressed nice, had 2 beers in me, and had the luxury of a friend next to me. I mean this as in, it made initiating so much easier. Given the same context, just without Joe there, I would have approached but it definitely wouldn't have been as easy and would have taken more courage.

I lean into Joe and tell him that I'm gonna initiate convo with her. I do this because he would be sitting in-between us and wanted to make sure he was game. He has a girlfriend he is loyal to, so if this looked like it had any potential then I knew he would gladly wing for me.

I catch eye contact with her, smile, and ask her why she's sitting by herself (in a friendly, joking way). She says something about her friend that had to go. I hand motion to her to come sit next to Joe (purse seat) and join us.

We talked over the rest of the meal, about 15 minutes. I didn't find this a problem as both I and Joe are pretty busy and actually have reasonably interesting things to talk about. I'm definitely leading the conversation and see this having some potential. Im having fun and ask some important questions that helped me make a move soon after (do you live nearby, what are your plans for tonight, etc.) I did make a stupid mistake of asking her if she was married. She teased me about not looking for a ring on her finger. Please forgive me older dudes...I guess now that I'm nearing my 30's, I'll need to make a habit of checking for rings. Anyway, she wasn't married...

She spots my Marlboro's, and wants to go out for a cig. She heads to the restroom first. Joe does the same shortly after.

I don't advocate picking up cigarettes to meet women, but if you already do then it sure does help--a lot. I only smoke during the summer and on vacations. Made new friends a couple weeks ago while on vacation that I would not have met if I wasn't posted up, having a cig. It was a rock show at a dive bar so smoking is, to say the least, more acceptable than other places. There isn't really much other reason to naturally be outside of the bar, just posting up (on vacation, where you don't know anybody) than to be smoking. You can't take your beer outside.

Moving on--Sarah comes out of the restroom first. She smiles, and I immediately give her my phone so she could enter her digits. Judging by the conversation and how everything went down the way it did, I had no doubt that she would give me her number. She gladly does. I've never been on an instadate or had anything beyond a same-day K-close, so I thought I'd secure the number and play my usual phone game in a few days as I wouldn't imagine I'd be able to progress any further that day. I knew it was totally possible, as she wanted to have the cig with us and seemed interested in me, but I've never been in a same-day situation during the day and had no idea how to go about making it happen.

Joe returns, we pay our tabs, and the three of us head out for a cig. Lucky me, I had exactly three left. Mid-cig, she asks us where we're headed to, and that's where I got ideas. I was having a genuinely good time, and didn't care if I got rejected. I had no expectations leaving my house, after all.

Joe and I had planned to head over to a friends house nearby (we'll call him Tim). Sarah lived about 15 minutes away. Joe had a girlfriend, and if I managed to isolate Sarah, he would be all for it because he's my dude and he's still going to Tim's house either way. So, me being the seasonal smoker that I am--always finishing last--take a last drag, toss my cig, and take a shot.

It's clear that this is the fork in the road. I tell Sarah something along the lines of "hey, well if you don't have plans tonight then let's hangout or grab coffee or something." She immediately agrees. I turn to Joe and say something like "you coming, or you going to Tim's?" He knows what's up, and says he's going to Tim's. (What a great dude).

Joe drove, so he headed off and Sarah and I went to her car. She was smiling and asked where we should go. At this point it's in the bag so I say let's check her place out, since it's nearby. She asked, jokingly, why I left my friend and I told her he's a great dude and he's encouraging of it all (which he was), and had a gf anyway. I told her she was cute and I knew she thought I was cute, too, so I thought I'd keep the interaction going--I didn't see why not.

We get to her place. It definitely takes some work here. We settle in and 5 minutes in we're kissing. More time passes and there's some minor progression, but she says she won't put out as she just met me. I've read enough God damn FR's here to know that those words don't mean much at all!!! So, I kept doing the mantra--escalate, escalate, escalate. She would tell me to stop doing a particular thing, I would cool it, briefly, and then do it again. I figured that with time, she would get hot enough and give in, and she did. It just took her getting more comfortable with me, and me making sure her hormones were going until that happened. Later on, she took me over to Tim's where I met up with elite wingman, Joe, and I continued the day as I originally planned it.

Takeaways:

This was the first time I went out in a while without having expectations. So it looks like not having expectations is as important as advertised.

Have fun

Smile and be friendly. Not approaching her at the bar after noticing she was alone in this particular setting would not be a friendly thing to do. I would have felt like a jerk to have noticed and not did anything.

Be confident. For me, It was easy to be confident with no expectations, a friend at my side, and being dressed well. My clothes and how well they fit was something she pointed out several times over the course of the day. It doesn't hurt that I'm in fairly good physical shape either (which is a huge struggle to maintain, given my schedule). It also doesn't hurt to spend the couple dollars to get your nice shirts taken care of at the cleaner. The steam press is worth the $2.50 alone.

Escalate, escalate, escalate! Women are shy. They want things to happen just as much as you do, but the ball is in your hands. They want something great to be done with the ball--they just don't know how. Build comfort, and take control.

Honorable mention takeaway: Cigs.

TLDR: Read it! Takeaways directly above for the super lazy.

Thanks for reading!