I don't normally write [FR]s, I tend to feel that the women in question might be uncomfortable being talked about behind their backs.

But today I did something that so clearly illustrates how to make an approach, that I think I have to pass it along.

I met an old friend (and ex sexual partner) at a restaurant where a bunch of us were gathered to celebrate her graduation from college. Was introduced to a bunch of friends and family, including one attractive young woman, a cousin or friend of the family or something.

What I did was simple. The moment I saw her, the moment she looked up at me, I met her eyes with mine, and gave her a small smile. Not a big grin. Just a smile. A moment's eye contact. A greeting.

That's all. That's it. That's the big secret. It's nothing.

But from that moment, she looked at me like a dog at a steak. We'd shared a moment, you see. We had a tiny shared secret that connected us across this roomful of people.

From moment forward, she was tongued-tied as any AA-ridden guy, stumbling all over herself trying to agree with everything I said, trying to point out things we had in common, afraid to say anything that might displease me. I eventually had to extract myself by revealing that I was an atheist (She was inappropriately young, you see. I don't think she realized I was much older than I looked.), but until then, she hung on my every word.

That's all it takes to make an approach natural. Make eye contact. Little smile. Hold for a second or two, but no more.

That's it. Now you can talk to her. Because you've already talked to her. You've already been introduced. You've already said hi.

Meet her eyes. Little smile. Hold for a moment. You've noticed her. She has your attention. But you're not afraid of her. You're in charge.

Meet her eyes. Little smile. Hold for a moment. Then she'll break the ice if you don't. See if I'm not right.

Meet her eyes. Smile.

Go out there and just do that. If you can do that, the conversations will start, and AA won't be a firebreathing monster devouring villages.

Meet her eyes. Smile.

(Just make sure you can extract yourself without hurting her feelings if it turns our she's waaay younger than you thought.)