Hey all, Max here.

Back on my post on how to attract women naturally without approaching or trying-hard a little white ago, I got a lot of comments and guys reaching out to me asking me more about how to overcome negative thoughts around women that they're attracted to.

So I created a guide with some more details on my perspective about this particular topic.

Who Is This Guide For?

One of the most common relationship problems that I hear from men is that when they’re around a women they are really attracted, their mind gets flooded with negative thoughts.

Around a woman you’re attracted to, have you ever
 * Lost your calm and confidence that you had before you saw her? * Wanted to feel important and attractive to her? * Wanted to feel more powerful, more real, and more present around her? * Felt like you can’t get any words out when you’re wanting to tell her how you feel about her? * Beat yourself up for “screwing up” and feel like you blew it with the women you’re most attracted to?

And...have you tried to learn different techniques to shift your mindset and improve your confidence so you could push through it, but once you got the smallest signal of disinterest (like her looking away), the negative thoughts would come storming back?

If so, then this guide is for you.

In this guide, I’m going to share with you some quick tips on how to overcome negative thoughts around attractive women and help you feel more powerful, more real, and more present around them.

But first...I want to share a bit about my past when it came to women.

Failing At "Success" - Flipping the Script from External Success to Internal Fulfillment

Growing up, I always felt a little...different. Not in a bad way, but in a black sheep kind of way.

I knew that I had big things to do in the world. I knew I was smart, and I knew things that other people didn’t know.

I had big things out for me, but there was one thing that I struggled with the most:

Women.

I was running a business, I was working out, I was studying personal development. On the surface it looked like I had my shit together


But on the inside I still had a lot of negative self-judgment, worries, and anxieties that were crippling to my day-to-day life.

I can recall a lot of embarrassing and awkward times...but I’ll share with you one story that shifted the whole way I looked at things

I remember going to a library with the intent of picking up a woman and practicing my approaching skills. I entered the library, and sat down at a table. Across the library there was one of the most attractive girls I had ever seen in my life.

And so I sat in my seat with the intention of going up to her...my palms were sweaty, and then all of the negative thoughts started to pop up.

What is she going to think? Am I going to be creepy? What am I going to say?

I literally went up to a bookshelf and pretended to read while my nerves calmed down...at least to the point where I could actually think.

I’d usually come up with a ton of reasons why I shouldn’t talk to her but this time I talked myself INTO it.

I took a deep breath and walked up to her table...

“Are you using this chair?”

She said, “no go ahead and take it.”

I said cool, thanks, and sat down in the chair at the table she was sitting at.

I said “I don’t care about the chair I just wanted to come over and say I think you’re really attractive and I wanted to get to know you.”

This was the first time I ever tried some kind of “pickup line” or some guide on how to approach women.

I remember fumbling over my words, I was SO nervous. I literally couldn’t even get a word out.

I knew that she could feel that from me.

Regardless I kept going, and asked her for her phone number. I got it, we chatted for a bit, and then I left.

Even though it was technically a “success” because I gave it a shot when I normally wouldn’t, I felt awkward as fuck. I was anxious, nervous, sweating, my heart was racing.

I texted her later that day, and she never texted me back.

I was left feeling like a failure. I didn’t feel like a failure for not picking her up per se.

But I felt like a failure because it didn’t feel like ME that was speaking to her. I was anxious, not my usual confident self, not my genuine self, and it bothered me.

It felt contrived, and try-hard, and it wasn’t really me.

I already had so much going for me...

All I really wanted now was 1) deep connection with women and 2) feeling comfortable in my own skin. The approaching women thing sounded cool. The thought of being able to “attract any girl I could see” appealed to my ego, but in the end those techniques and ways of thinking only left me more disconnected from myself and perpetuated negative thoughts, even when I had some type of external success.

One day it dawned on me that I was never going to feel comfortable in my own skin or around women if I was always focusing on what was happening “out there.”

I flipped the script and started to focus on my own internal landscape, rather than focusing on the woman in particular. Then I started to understand my emotions, my judgments, and my fears in a way that I could actually start to influence them.

I could be around women without feeling paralyzed by anxiety, fear, and self-judgment. I could just be.

And that’s what allowed me to go on dates, meet my girlfriends, and develop relationships where I felt deeply connected, appreciated, and loving.

And so in this quick guide, I’m going to share with you a step-by-step process that you can use to help overcome negative thinking and become more present, real, and connected with the women in your life.

Let’s get started.

Where Negative Thoughts Come From

The first thing in this process of overcoming negative thoughts around women is to understand where negative thoughts come from.

In a gist, negative thoughts come from fears that are real, but not true.

Meaning that they come from fears that exist, however these fears are not a “complete story”.

Fears are incomplete stories that we adopt from a multitude of different sources: the media, our parents, our friend circle, societal scripts, and past generations within our bloodline.

What I mean by incomplete stories is that the fear literally comes from a story, in our mind, that hasn’t been finished. Therefore the story isn’t completely true.

For example


A common fear among men is the fear of being creepy.

If the man is exhibiting any behavior that could be considered creepy, he’ll get anxiety and self-judgment around it. This behavior could even be something like saying “hi” to a woman he doesn’t even know, or even looking at her from afar.

This fear of being creepy will prevent a man from feeling at ease, as every single behavior that would come close to looking creepy would be avoided. In the case of looking at a woman, a man would feel creepy just to even look around the room that he’s standing in!

But let’s look more closely at the fear of being creepy, and let’s see what incomplete story it’s telling us and finish it.

  1. If I look at a woman across the room, then I’m creepy
  2. If I’m creepy then that woman will think I’m weird and won’t like me
  3. If that woman thinks I’m weird and won’t like me, then I won’t attract that woman
  4. If I won’t attract that woman, then I’ll never attract a woman and I won’t be okay.

That’s the main fear story that men tell themselves around this.

Now if we look at the end of the story, you’ll see some things that aren’t true.

“If I won’t attract that woman, then I’ll never attract a woman.”

That’s simply not true. There’s plenty of women, and to say that you won’t attract a woman for the rest of your life is myopic and unrealistic...unless you’re living in a remote cave by yourself for your lifetime.

And most importantly


“I won’t be okay.”

This is the end of the fear story that keeps negative thoughts and judgments locked in the mind.

If X doesn’t happen, then I won’t be okay.

This is untrue.

Have you ever gotten anxious, nervous, acted weird, and embarrassed yourself in front of a woman or someone else?

If you have, and if you’re ready this guide and have a place to sleep and have food to eat..then are you NOT okay?

It’s the common misbelief that we won’t be okay if something painful happens - if we get rejected, laughed at, judged by other people, etc.

Now I’d like to note: it is impossible to AVOID rejection, to AVOID getting laughed at, to AVOID being judged by other people as these are events not in your control.

It’s the trying to control people’s behavior and emotions, including your own, that gives negative thoughts their energy.

And so if you re-write the ending of that story, then it’d probably be something like this


  1. If I look at a woman across the room, there’s a chance she’ll think I’m creepy.
  2. If she thinks I’m creepy then she’ll run away from me, but if there’s energy there it’ll create a spark

  3. If she runs away then she just did me a favor and didn’t waste my time, but if she comes closer then there’s an opportunity for deeper connection

  4. If we connect on a deeper level great, if not, great.

Now I’m sure you’ve all heard the advice “be positive” or “there’s so many fish in the sea” or whatever-the-fuck super-positive mantra. On a conceptual level it makes sense, but the question isn’t how do you understand, it’s how to you EMBODY? How does your BODY understand on an experiential level?

That’s when things start to shift.

But for now in this section, all I wanted to get across was that by completing the story in a true way, you then give SPACE for the anxious thoughts and self-judgment to leave your body. It doesn’t mean it’s not going to still be there at this point, but essentially you just created a door for that fear to leave your mind.

This space is key, and what’s next is learning to EMBODY this and get the fear to leave your mind.

A Step-By-Step On How To Overcome Negative Thoughts

So now that you understand that completing the story will give space for the fear/self-judgment/negative thoughts to leave, now you have to kick that fucker out.

You can understand conceptually that you’ll be okay if you look creepy or fumble over your words, but until your body knows that you’ll be okay afterwards, it’s still going to take up some of your mental attention and bandwidth.

If you pinpoint a story for a perpetual negative thought, that’s great news because you became aware of it. Fear, in the light of awareness and understanding, dissolves.

Now the real test comes from letting your body eliminate any emotional “charges” that were caused by the fear-based story. What I mean by this is that a fear-based story, one that causes judgment, anxiety, nervousness, etc, holds those emotions in the body and stores it as a “charge’.

When you re-write the story and see the truth and possibility in a new ending, you give space for that charge to “blow up”, in a sense, and leave your body.

For example...think of a mine field.

If you had to play a game of soccer in a field full of landmines...how could you play?

You’d be freaking out the whole time, wondering if you were gonna trip over a mine and die...so the only way to ”play” would be to tip-toe around in a state of nervousness, anxiety, and negative thoughts about dying.

But think of another option


What if, before you played on the field, you could just blow up all the landmines...and then play a game of soccer afterwards, without worrying about if there’s a landmine there or not?

That’s what you’re doing by “blowing up” the emotional charges that was held from a fear-based story.

You’re saying “fuck this, I’m not willing to try to play on a soccer field full of mines anymore. Let’s get this shit over with, blow up these mines, and then that’ll give me more space to play and do what I want to do.” Sounds like a better option, right?

So how do you blow up those landmines that causing negative thoughts in your mind?

You re-write the story in your mind, and then you trust that possibility while you let your body eliminate the old one.

For example, if you have a negative thought about being creepy around women for looking at them, and then you judge yourself afterwards for feeling creepy, here’s what you do:

  1. Re-write the story (see the example above)

  2. Next time you’re with a woman and you’re feeling creepy, remember the new ending that you re-wrote.

  3. Let yourself be creepy as fuck (because who cares?)** Let yourself do/feel/whatever until your body feels “clear” and stable

  4. Now that you know you could handle “being creepy” and your body felt that you were okay afterwards, now you can let go of the unfinished fear-based story (which causes that emotion) and replace it with the new story you just created.

**NOTE: Don’t take this the wrong way by thinking it gives you license to hurt or sexually assault women.

What To Do From Here

After applying the methodology above, it may take some time for the negative thoughts to subside.

Think of the mind like a crashing wave - it still crashes and leaves sediment on the beach.

If you still hear negative thoughts, just let them pass and pay attention to any place within yourself that’s wanting to modify your own behavior to avoid a “landmine”.

Now I think this important to mention - negative thoughts, especially around women, can be quite intricate and confusing creatures. What I presented here was a primer to understanding where they’re coming from, and this isn’t a “one-trick-pony” to overcome all negative thoughts, forever.

Some negative thoughts may still be persistent and difficult to overcome simply by reading a guide on the Internet. Regardless, my hope is that this guide can offer some possibility and spark some self-inquiry that can help you down your own path of personal freedom.

Best regards,

Max

TLDR; Re-write the ending to your fear's story. Bleed out the emotional charge by letting go of behavioral modification in yourself and others. Re-frame your beliefs to get your neural pathway to adapt the new story.