Help getting over oneitis

seduction-ModTeam · 2024-06-02T05:03:36+00:00

This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:

A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it is out of bounds except in a Basic Questions Thread.

No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.

For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person belong in a Basic Questions Thread. (Currently these are on hiatus, but if we can get them back up, they'll happen weekly.)

Boosteddreamer · 2024-06-01T16:19:24+00:00

If shes actually lying about family dying and using it as an excuse just realize you’re lucky to end things this quickly before you’re too involved. You don’t want to be around anyone that’s willing to lie like that to get out of things.

Rahvenar · 2024-06-01T17:01:36+00:00

The only solution to oneitis is spinning plates. Oneitis comes from a scarcity mentality.

Ask Leo DiCaprio when was the last time he obsessed over some pussy?

AdUsed1666 · 2024-06-01T16:10:46+00:00

Time, and maybe try to re-think all the stuff you two thought would do together, is it realistic?

What about the parts that don't work together?

We often tend to focus on the upsides of people who don't like us, and on the downside of people who do.

Other than that, I'm sorry you're going through the same shit I am. Life can be like that, take some time and hopefully you'll move on.

Available_Bass9725 · 2024-06-01T16:15:23+00:00

the sexual ritual.

hotter girl.

same name.

no condom.

some_kind_of_friend · 2024-06-02T04:49:53+00:00

I have an intimate understanding of what you're going through.

Here's the deal. You've tasted the proverbial forbidden fruit. You're never going to get over her. Nobody and nothing will compare. All conversations with new women will seem dull. The connections you make will never shine as bright. Smiles will never be as pretty. Their asses will never be as cute etc etc.... until they are.

It seems like we only ever really want what we can't have. We want to go the places we're not supposed to. Do the things we know we shouldn't. Act in ways we know we shouldn't. This interminable goings on of always wanting what we can't have and so on is just a part of the human condition.

I understand your pain and sorrow over it. There's this giant void in you that seems like it will never get filled. Like, nobody could ever fill those shoes or take that place in your heart. It hurts. But that's a good thing. It means we're not automatons. It means we get to rebuild and rebuild better. We get to move forward with a new idea of what "ideal" for us is. You should not want to blot this person out of your memory. That would be a disservice to yourself and to her tbh. Clearly she affected you, and in positive ways. Yes, you could have done without the BS but could you do without all the good bits of it too? You have a right to mourn what you've lost and I think trying to get away from the feeling as quick as possible is the wrong thing to do. That is not to say dwell on it, of course but it's perfectly fine to be sad about it.

Take the opportunity to explore your feelings about it all. More than just "shes the perfect girl and only girl." I mean, I hate to say she was lying about the death of family members but, well, in a previous life when I shot head shots for models you have no idea how many uncles died suddenly and unexpectedly lol. I'm a bit numb to that excuse tbh. So, IMO, she's kind of a jerk for not just being up front about what's going on. You can extract from this all new ideas about what you want from relationships going forward. How you connect with them. At this point, she's just a point of comparison. The scar she left behind is now something you get to reflect on. It's always going to be there but you never allow yourself to be cut the same way twice. That's why our skin scars. To get us to remember the lesson. I have a million scars all over my heads and arms. I can tell you what every good one is, how I got it and how I actively prevent it from happening again.

Reading this back to myself I feel like I'm rambling. I hope I've made some semblance of sense. I trust in time you'll feel better about your loss. Sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you're feeling right now.

BackgroundParsnip966 · 2024-06-01T18:05:56+00:00

ah, the death excuse. i hate to say excuse if it is true. it could be. give her some space. but i will say, i have heard the 'friends death' excuse, twice. maybe it was true both times. but the fact i got ghosted both times after, makes me think women do this. i kid you not. this happened to me last week! op, we ain't interested in the same person are we? lol

going back to your oneitis....i believe its due to low self esteem, to be honest with you. if you truly respected yourself, you wouldn't want someone that is not healthy for you. a woman that does not respond, is not healthy for you. wanting someone that does not want you, especially when you have other options, means subconsciously, you want to remain single. why? because you are scared of commitment or are scared of being emotionally abandoned. consider some self-reflection.

when i was 19, i fell in love with this girl, she started being a bit distant. i came on too strong. i told her too much personal stuff too quick. i overwhelmed her. this became a trend with me and women. i would say too much too soon. other times, when i had women that were interested in me, i would bail out of the situation for the dumbest reasons. i realized i have anxious-avoidant attachment, most likely due to my mother who was unpredictably emotionally warm, and cold.

now i realize, its because i was emotionally abused growing up. i was looking for a woman to emotionally console me. instead of learning to console myself.

going back to this girl i met when i was 19, i met her at a library. next thing i know my hs friend who was also going to this library, was also dating her.

she was dating both of us, but i dont think either of us knew? i got tired of her starting to be distant, barely responding to messages, i said fuck that and went cold with her.

when i went cold, this girl started chasing me, i couldnt belive it. the ruder i was, the more she chased me. what does that tell you about her attachment style?

one day i finally met up with her on my terms, and said i thought theres something romantic but you just want to be friends, i dont get it. and shes like, there is something there. meaning she has feelings for me. i said what? okay.

we keep talking in the conversation, and she drops that she has a bf. i said WHAT?!?! you have a bf? why are we even talking then? i was so confused and flabbergasted, i dropped her ass to the bus stop and never spoke to her again. she was upset, but i didn't care.

so the end story, is that, i probably dodged a bullet. but it still stings man. she ended up marrying that guy, so i guess what is meant to be is meant to be.

im now 37, but occasionally i think it still bothers me, i have a hard time letting it go. i probably need to forgive her, and forgive myself more than anything in case i 'screwed it up' anywhere. im still getting over my past. its not easy.

if i could succinct my advice to a few things it would be: get therapy for relationships, or if you can't afford it, get a book. secondly, give women that ARE chasing you, a chance. start asking yourself why you are rinterested in the ones that are, and dig deeply into why. you may uncover some strange or limiting beliefs.

ive been rejected multiple times, people say the more you get rejected the easier it is, but honestly for me its was soul destroying because i focused on the rejections. i had acceptances as well, but then i'd reject them!

learn a concept of healthy relationships.

WhatsTheAnswerDude · 2024-06-01T19:22:57+00:00

So....you're perfect girl lies to you?

Reread what you wrote.

Imagine one of your friends writing this and asking for your feedback.

.....come on dude.

Id likely not date and focus on your own growth, fitness, maybe mma or dancing classes, etc.

Dragon42708 · 2024-06-01T19:52:12+00:00

yeah u dont wanna get involved w someone who claims that not one but two family members died just to get out of dates with you. What precedent does that set?

Title	Help getting over oneitis
Author	Darl26061209
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	June 1, 2024 3:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1d5q2mg/help_getting_over_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-getting-over-oneitis.1520255 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520255

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