How do I date casually without coming across like a douchebag?

HomelessMilkman · 2026-06-12T07:53:44+00:00

how to present all of this

Women aren't like *disclaimer* "this is fake, out of integrity I'll post a picture of me without makeup so you can see what I really look like".

You're selling yourself and to do so you load the 'value' up front. If you're asking someone to buy in, you don't mention 'negative' things unless you're presenting it as a 'positive'. You're making ONE step to connect with someone, you aren't writing out the full contract in advance with the small print.

You don't proactively unload baggage and trauma to entice someone - you worry about 'honesty', 'clarity', 'integrity', 'values', after the fact - it's not the tenets of a compelling product. You can discuss commitment after you actually like and have experienced each other, you can be 'serious' after they've shown interest and become invested. Your whole profile should be curated on making you seem appealing to hang out with - it's purely to make her excited about meeting up with you, nothing else.

Lacunaethra · 2026-06-12T06:57:34+00:00

How should I curate my profile for this?

like that:

I'm not primarily looking for a serious relationship, but if something naturally developed and felt right, I wouldn't be opposed to it.

Is this something women are generally open to, assuming I'm upfront and respectful?

generally? I wouldn't say so, but there are more than enough women open for casual with the right guy.

Will I come across as a douchebag for wanting intimacy without immediate commitment?

only if you lie about your intentions

Am I just overthinking the whole thing?

a bit lol. just be respectful and see how it goes.

Special_Rice9539 · 2026-06-12T11:16:09+00:00

While you’re working on your dating profile, I invite you to deeply analyze your internalized beliefs around sex and dating and what makes a “douchebag.”

It’s kind of hard because Reddit kind of re-enforces the frame that men are evil pieces of shit and wanting sex is disgusting and you should commit to a woman and show how you love her. I’m all for monogamy, but I don’t see why it’s morally superior or someone should try to force themselves into it.

I say this, but I don’t even know where you can go to learn healthy mindsets anymore. Back in the day we had “RSD” videos on YouTube that would break down a lot of socially conditioned frames and explain why they’re horse-shit, but then they got cancelled really hard and their stuff was scrubbed from the internet. Since then, the void’s been filled with crazy black-pill stuff smh.

you’ve clearly experienced the brutal way women will treat a provider male.

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-06-12T16:05:52+00:00

on Hinge I would recommend not putting anything for the "dating intentions". it's just a big mess where girls are putting "long-term" to not look like whores, and then guys are putting "long-term" but not fully meaning it and girls then get mad when things don't work out.

not putting anything gives both parties plausible deniability.

I've also gotten into a new phase of life where I am not really looking for something long-term right now and was concerned about how to present it and I'll just say, this is not really an issue you need to worry about.

you don't really end up having the "what are we talk" until like 5+ dates in. It's typically brought up by her. you might never have the talk. if you don't set expectations up front then there's nothing for her to get mad atl.

Acrobatic-Show3732 · 2026-06-13T04:11:30+00:00

The way I did It:

1st date: "what are you looking for" ?

Answer: "something serious, but not with whoever appears first. Im in no hurry to be serious with the first woman that IS interested. In that sense, let me tell you in advance that for me I take around 4-8 dates (you can adjust the number to your standards**) to decide if I feel we are compatible enough for an exclusive relationship. If this its important for you i dont mind not having sex until then".

Some point between 4-8date, if she is not It: "I dont think we are It. I really liked the sex**2/interation/personality etcetc but I dont think we are compatible. We can still have a no strings attached iteraction if you feel like It, while we both look for our right match".

If she liked you she wont mind having her needs satisfied while she looks for mr perfect, if she feels that would be a waste of time you save her the issue.

Basically, you are honest and imparcial and dont trick Girls to have sex with you without establishing clearly where you ae going and therefore getting true consent.

When you tell them in dates 1 whats Up, if they have sex after it they are not being strung along Or Anything, because you were honest. You give them the option to wait if exclusivity while sex is important. in my experience, majority dont mind having sex anyways on first dates because part of checking chemistry IS seeing compatibiliry there too, for them sex is as important as It is for us and no one wants to get into a relationship with someone that doesnt know how to fuck (+ fucking a Hot , std free stranger, aka you,IS always fun). But at least you give them the option.

In date4-8, the moment you make your mind: you get to finally tell her definitely where this is (because truth be told, most guys already know by then if they are honest with themselves) and allow her to opt out.

If she stays then you are officially ethically hooking Up .

MedicineEastern7500 · 2026-06-12T07:43:51+00:00

Be kind, be yourself. 🫂 your real self.

ZealousidealRun2842 · 2026-06-12T12:31:22+00:00

Honesty, tempered by sensitivity

Pipnotiq · 2026-06-12T14:41:58+00:00

Im more concerned with this, albeit very small, track record of being cheated on/left.

Mind sharing what happened with the second one for context?

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-06-12T22:27:55+00:00

Be upfront about what you are looking for and don’t lie.

Douches lie about that stuff, it’s pretty simple

Title	How do I date casually without coming across like a douchebag?
Author	Chocolat_Melon
Upvotes	50
Comments	21
Date	June 12, 2026 6:44 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1u3nokn/how_do_i_date_casually_without_coming_across_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-date-casually-without-coming-across-like.1582622 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582622

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