How do I get confidence in the first place?

monkeymalek · 2019-08-23T20:49:15+00:00

Your problem is that naturally, you don't want a partner as much as you want to be comfortable and avoid failure in the dating world. I can't tell you why that is, but the fact that you are willing to grind, to fail, and to ultimately succeed in those other areas that you listed suggests that you simply have developed a will to succeed in those areas, and the will is so great that you don't mind the pain/sacrifices you have to put yourself through to get the reward.

If you truly did have the will to get yourself a partner, you would simply do it because the perceived value of a partner would outweigh the perceived loss of value (sacrifice, failure, temporary depression/lack of confidence) that would be required to get it.

Part of the problem is that perhaps you've never had an intimate partner, and so you have no familiar emotional reward to strive for. In the case of working out, or getting good grades, or doing well on a project, you know that when you are finished with your work, you will see and feel the reward, whether it's the gains, the validation from others, or the feeling of success relative to others. All those things are probably very familiar to you and make you feel good, and that motivates you to get that feeling despite the discomfort you will have to put yourself through.

I can't really give any great advice because I am in a very similar situation myself, but I've thought about why I don't have the confidence in the dating world as well, and I believe it is absolutely for the reasons I have listed above.

What can you do about it? Wait for the right time or go out and just get put yourself out there against your own will, I guess. You can't really control what motivates you, but worst case, you can go against your will if you are confident that the reward will be worth it (even if your brain might not think so).

ArmitageShanks69 · 2019-08-23T13:37:49+00:00

The things you mentioned that you are confident about are because of positive experience. You haven't had positive experience with girls.

subduedReality · 2019-08-23T13:54:40+00:00

Fail a lot. Then you will learn your strengths and weaknesses and know. Confidence is knowledge manifest.

deathsowhat · 2019-08-23T14:08:05+00:00

Remove yourself from the outcome, don't expect anything when you approach someone, just focus on being yourself and act like you have nothing to lose.

7jtum · 2019-08-23T18:18:06+00:00

You stick 24/7 to a friend who is insanly good and talking, observe and understand what works what doesnt. Recreate his purpose and attitude if you cant come up with one of your own. Afterwards try out some of the stuffs you've learnt, on the same convo next to that friend is ok as well.

Note that this will be a long process and there are a lot of small things you have to know. It appears to me that you are yet to get the dynamic of a normal conversation, it includes when to talk and the limit of what you can talk about in specific situations.

think about seduction later. Do this first

Meteora_Sage · 2019-08-23T18:45:18+00:00

Confidence stems from both internal and external foundations, both feeding into one another. You need to believe in yourself while also having solid real world experiences which validate your confidence and this cyclical pattern continues.

Fake it til you make it at first, since you lack the real world experiences from what I'm gathering. Once you do it enough you'll rack up some successes and have more real memories for your confidence to fall back on.

Note: Even the best of us feel down and lack confidence at times, no matter how successful or how successful one has been in the past, so keep that in mind. Confidence isn't static.

You're referring to situational confidence. The skills you are confident in already, versus a skill you are not confident in. What you want to build along with situational confidence in seduction is a core underlying confidence and self-esteem towards life in general.

Ruze_ · 2019-08-23T20:07:01+00:00

Yeah with women it's one of the few things you just have to go by faith until it clicks.

I'm talking like you're gonna fuck up and succeed by accident, screw it up, and then once you piece things together again you just realize that it's more about simply being and believing you are a prize and letting things just happen.

As much as it sucks it'll get easier when you stop looking. Just put yourself out there and try to make the most of every situation.

Title	How do I get confidence in the first place?
Author	noprideinsomniac95
Upvotes	5
Comments	14
Date	August 23, 2019 1:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cudyg8/how_do_i_get_confidence_in_the_first_place/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-confidence-in-the-first-place.1476759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1476759

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