I walked into a friend's masquerade party a few months ago, and I even though I only knew a couple people, I noticed I didn't have any of the usual anxiety I exhibit at normal parties. I went up to people I didn't know, and broke into groups, all while feeling really comfortable. I normally would be a nervous wreck. The mask I was wearing someone gave me instant confidence.

Thinking deeply about this I realized that we all routinely wear masks, so to say, as we carry on different activities. I work in retail, and even though I wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying hi to every person I see, it comes naturally while I'm wearing my Forever 21 lanyard, since it's my job and it's expected. It's my mask.

So I thought about how I could possibly bring this out into the normal world, away from the workplace, and away from costume parties. I can't wear a masquerade mask to the bars, because that would just be creepy. Wearing my work lanyard wouldn't make sense. So what's the next best thing? I decided to make a sort of alter-ego. Bruce Wayne by day, Batman by night, if you will.

I went shopping at Zara, a very fashion forward clothing store, and I went up to the most stylish looking guy there, Greg. I told him I wanted to look dressy, and that I wanted him to pick my whole outfit out. He brought me to a snake-skin-print sports jacket and told me it would look good on me. I would NEVER even THINK to wear something like that in public, and I was COMPLETELY opposed to it. But I can't have my alter-ego looking like I usually do, so I said "PERFECT!". I made sure to try on different sizes of shirts and pants and I asked Greg which fit me better. I usually wear Large shirts but Greg insisted Medium looked better on me, so Medium it was.

I couldn't have ANY of my clothing remind me of my usual self, so I got new shoes, new socks, etc. I went over to Diesel and picked out a new watch, it's huge and it glows even in bright daylight. While at Diesel I noticed they had some cool looking bracelets and necklaces. Normally I don't wear any, so it was perfect mask decor. I asked the girl who works there to make sure to give me an honest opinion, tried on every necklace and bracelet they offered, and bought the ones she said looked the best on me.

When I put on my new outfit and looked in the mirror I felt like I was someone completely different, someone cooler, more confident. There was an interesting version of me looking back through the mirror, and he felt powerful. When I went out alone to the bar that night I was completely free. Free from my usual shyness, free from my anxiety, and free from anything else that usually held me back from having a good time. I had new-found role to play. I talked to everyone who looked interesting. I got many compliments on my watch, my necklace, and my sports jacket. I opened a two set of Japanese girls and some buddies I'd just met at the bar were giving me thumbs up, smiling, and looking over completely jealous. I had never felt so cool in my life.

I'll keep buying clothes that aren't me, my confident clothes with bright colors and cool patterns. I'll keep wearing my normal clothes when I feel like having a normal day. But when I feel like going out, when I want to be free, that's when I'll pull out my accessories and my outfits. Some day maybe I won't need them any more, but today I really need a mask.

TL;DR: I bought an outfit that isn't me, and it gave me all the confidence I needed. Peacocking? No. Just dressing unlike how I usually do.