How pickup is like improv: An improvisers perspective on seduction.

HummusKing · 2014-08-12T14:53:06+00:00

hmm, are you him? Exact same TEDx as your post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUO-pWJ0riQ

TurningItIntoASnake · 2014-08-13T00:00:38+00:00

I just started taking improv classes. I loved it so much, I'm taking the next level of courses. I was surprised to see how much of it overlaps with social skills, communication, mindfulness etc. and I made a ton of friends and had a blast in the process.

I really recommend it to everyone here. I went into it expecting a lot of people who wanted to be actors and feeling awkward because that wasn't me. I came out of it finding it more like therapy. Everyone was there for similar or otherwise unique reasons and I started building a social circle, something my life has lacked for a long time.

Yocuso · 2014-08-12T19:41:33+00:00

I think you should give Dave Morris some credit. The first 7 steps are identical to his in his Ted Talk. It looks an awful lot like copying to me.

kwbach · 2014-08-13T14:29:11+00:00

I've also found much overlap between the two disciplines. However, doing a lot of improv won't make the behaviours from improv automatically transition to seduction. There is still work required to bridge the gap.

The reason for this is simple. In the improv class, everyone is in on the game. You are given permission, sometimes explicitly, to act in a way you otherwise wouldn't with other adults. There is a safety that is present that is otherwise lacking outside of the class. For example, one of the exercises we do in class is eye contact for five minutes without saying a word. Depending on where you're at, this can be quite awkward, even though everyone in the class is in on the game. But once you relax into it, the quality of the connection with the other person is incredible.

You can attempt to do this outside of class with a woman you're attracted to but generally you feel you're expected to talk and they expect the same thing too. And then to delve into the more zany exercises, like mirroring with weird sounds, is difficult unless you're both open to it, reached a certain comfort level with each other and you have the conviction to go through with it. Doing these exercises/games and variations of it will probably not work on a woman who wants to look good in front of other people.

Anyway, an example. It was the last class of the cycle and my impro facilitator really wanted to go to a club. A bunch of us from the class joined him and we ended up in a stupidly loud New Orleans bar. Towards the end of the night, a fellow student who I'd only met once before was sitting with me. I didn't think much of her before until this moment. We each had a bottle of Budweiser in our hands. I looked her in the eye.

"Bud."

There was a twinkle in her eye.

"Wise."

The game was on.

"Er."

We played this game for a long time. We went through all different variations of saying the same three syllables. It was fun. I thought she was attracted to me. But I was too much of a pussy to act on it.

Even though I got her number another day, nothing came of it. She was attracted to me then and there, and that dissipated the next time we met.

Summary: I do recommend impro. But realise there's still work to be done to transfer the behaviours and skills from impro to seduction. Even if it doesn't improve your pickup, there's a lot of value in interacting with adults differently from other parts of your life. A fellow student said impro was like getting to know people backwards. You start off with eye contact, silence and play, then you add the words later. There's a similar dynamic involved in sport, videogames, dance, etc.

kwbach · 2014-08-13T14:50:50+00:00

I want to add a few more ideas on listening I've learnt from impro.

My impro facilitator posted some months ago that the art of true conversation was lost. People don't know how to listen anymore. They listen thinking two or three steps ahead so they can look cool, attractive and feel safe. Because if you know what to say then everything's hunky dory because there won't be awkward silences and the conversation will flow smoothly. But when you do this, when you're constantly thinking of what to say, what to do, searching for social cues, you are not listening. You are not present. You are not actually here. You already view reality through a filter and by adding all this stuff you obscure your vision even further. When you do this in impro, you can kill a scene because you aren't present and aware and flexible enough to adapt to a situation that is untenable and always in flux.

Listening properly with nothing on your mind isn't easy to do. I find it scary. Especially because I have social anxiety. There is comfort to be found if you can buy-in and trust the process. Jamie Smart likes to say the connection between two people is already there. You just have to let go of all the bullshit and be there. "Wherever you go, there you are."

perez89 · 2014-08-12T12:59:55+00:00

It is a very good topic. I need to improve all the steps, but my big problem is handling with rejection and the best way to approach a girl. I suffer of anxiety :( Thank you

omarm1984 · 2014-08-12T14:55:00+00:00

The first 3 steps and the last one are the ones that i most agree are important in pickup.

Have fun. When you are not having fun it feels like work. When you work for free you dont last long. Most guys who cant treat this as just a game end up giving up and being resentful towards pickup.
If you cant accept rejection as part of the game you will have a hard time. The chance of getting rejected will ALWAYS be there. If you cant accept that you will always have approach/ escalation anxiety.
Listening is key. Most beginers fall into the "I dont know what to say" trap. In reality the should be focusing less on what to say and more on what they are hearing. Women love to talk about themselves more than about you. Your month long trip around the world culminating in a hike up the Everest will not make them like you more than if you show them genuine curiosity to know more about them.
Learn to relax around people. Be funny, be sloppy, be nervous if you feel like it. People and specially women can tell when you are trying to be perfect. Trying to be perfect is a big giveaway that you want something from them and are not just shooting the shit. Also dont let her take 100% of your attention. Relaxed means not putting any effort and just letting it be.

mhyquel · 2014-08-12T16:19:45+00:00

Make the dangerous choice.

That comes from my years of improv experience. The audience is far more interested in the high risk option. This probably holds true for seduction as well.

SFofallplaces · 2014-08-12T19:55:46+00:00

First rule of improv is saying “Yes, and…” (to never negate a premise), which is the basis for “agree and amplify”. So there’s that.

hichew · 2014-08-13T07:08:20+00:00

Curious, how'd the girl react to the two of you dancing outside the car (great move, by the way)? Did you end up seeing her again?

canthisbechanged · 2014-08-13T13:36:01+00:00

And this could be applied to gender reversed scenarios? Girls to guys?

Koebs · 2014-08-12T17:45:24+00:00

No way a guy that does improv is awkward, who would've guessed! All conversations I like this, quit thinking so much and act naturally..

Title	How pickup is like improv: An improvisers perspective on seduction.
Author	biggyb92
Upvotes	148
Comments	33
Date	August 12, 2014 12:25 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2dbv1d/how_pickup_is_like_improv_an_improvisers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-pickup-is-like-improv-an-improvisers.1374974 https://theredarchive.com/post/1374974

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