A lot of you guys are in the PUA scene for the same reason. You are insecure and have feelings of inadequacy. And those feelings are exacerbated when you get rejected by girls. A large part of a man’s self-esteem comes from the women that are attracted to him, so when a girl rejects you, you feel like less of a man (or a lower-ranked man). You feel a moment of happiness when a really hot/awesome girl likes you but then you feel crushed even worse when she moves on and you get “oneitis.” You feel jealous and resentful of guys that are taller than you, richer than you, better dressed than you, better looking than you, etc…

Here is the solution to all that: keep fighting. That’s it. Just keep fighting. And really, that’s all you CAN do.

By “keep fighting” I mean, continue to work hard to improve yourself every day. No matter what defeats you suffer, be sad for a while, and then pick yourself back up and get back at it. You have to have faith that your fighting will pay off and one day you will see the end of the rainbow, even if its not in sight now. The fact is that most people aren’t improving themselves so even if you do something small every day to improve yourself after weeks, months and years you will be light years ahead of all those guys that you are jealous of. And at the end of the day, that’s all you really can do, so you might as well accept that as your reality.

A lot of your fighting will be in vain. You will focus on the wrong thing and grind on that wrong thing for a long time, wasting your time and going nowhere, not realizing that the thing you SHOULD be doing is right under your nose. That’s fine. That’s part of the fight. Every mistake you make is an opportunity to learn and all the time you waste is a lesson that will make sure you won’t waste it again. Success isn’t a mountain that you have to climb. Sometimes its right in front of you and all you have to do is take 3 steps. And a lot of people are afraid to take that afirst step, much less 3. Getting girls isn’t magic; it’s a thing that people have figured out. You just have to take those steps.

I do stand-up comedy for fun and it’s interesting to see the type of people that eventually become successful and get on TV. Stand up is one of those things that people think is mostly in-born talent: you are either funny or you’re not. But in reality the people that “make it” in stand up are the hardest workers. You see a lot of people who are “naturally” funny try stand up and do ok but then quit or give up after a while. On the other hand, you also see a lot of people who are not funny at all work their asses off and make it. I have a friend who is fast becoming a household name and getting huge in comedy. A few years ago I can honestly tell you that he wasn’t funny at all. Like, at all. Even when we were hanging out as friends he wasn’t funny: his jokes all sucked. 99% of my friends were funnier than him. But the difference is that that guy kept working at it; he got on stage 15-20 times a week when the “funny” guys were going up 3-4 times a week. He worked his fucking ass off and now when you see him do a stand up set you laugh your ass off and you would have no idea that he isn’t a naturally funny guy.

One of the lies in our society that people believe is that success comes from “talent.” Some people are born with it, some people aren’t. It’s just not true. For 99% of things, hard work takes you much further than talent. When you see people like Jay-Z and Eminem, you realize that they aren’t necessarily the people anybody would think would make it. In fact, they are the opposite: Jay-Z is an ugly, goofy guy who was overshadowed by so many other rappers in New York. And Eminem is white. But those guys worked harder than anybody else and became the best. In fact, it’s because they had to face so much adversity that they succeeded: because they got used to fighting. They just kept fighting.

Of course, some things are in-born. If you play basketball, you have a huge advantage if you are tall. Period. You can’t change that. And in getting girls, some guys are just born with advantages you will never have: better genes, more money, etc… And the worst part is, there are some girls that absolutely will not fuck with you because you don’t have one of those advantages: you are too short, too ugly, too poor, etc… But here is the thing: those girls weren’t going to fuck you anyway so there is no use in worrying about it. All you can do is keep fighting and work on the things you CAN get better at, and you will eventually surpass those guys that are born with those advantages. I know lots of guys that are born hot, rich, tall, etc… and they eventually fuck it up because they are douchebags and have no game. I would even go so far as to say that being that hot is often a handicap to them because they never had to develop any skills. None of the super-hot guys I know can keep a super-hot girl because they never developed all the weaponry they need because mediocre girls would just flock to them with no effort.

I have a guy friend who is literally a 9/10. He looks like a model, he is rich, he owns a nightclub, drives a Mercedes, etc… On paper, he is the shit, but I use him for a bait. I’m not bad looking but whenever we go out the girls are instantly attracted to him first and if it’s a group of girls I usually start out with the #2 or #3 in the girl cuz the #1 gravitates to him. But … he has kind of a flat personality and can act douchey, so as the night draws on I become the center of attention and the girls gravitate towards me. Oftentimes the #1 flips from him to me. Why? I’ve been fighting for this and he hasn’t. I’m in the field every day and he’s not. I have experience and he doesn’t.

Nowadays, when I get rejected by a girl I take it like a man. I don’t get angry, or call her a bitch, or pout, or go to a strip club, or make some bullshit excuse as to why she couldn’t understand I was awesome. It may not be true, but I just assume that when a girl rejects me it’s either because 1) I wasn’t good enough for her or because 2) I didn’t act right. But instead of letting rejections drag me down, I know that no matter what happens, I will keep fighting. I will get back in the gym, I will keep trying to eat healthier, I will advance in my career, I will read more, I will try to become a better person, so that in 6 months I am no longer the guy she rejected. I am a totally different person. I see a lot of advice in the PUA world as to how to overcome oneitis, but I’ve learned that the only foolproof method is to improve yourself so much that you are no longer the person that got rejected. Oneitis isn’t about you loving the girl, but rather about your ego being sore at getting rejected. Your ego can’t take no for an answer, so you have to change yourself so that your ego can say to itself “well she rejected the old me; the new me is better.”

EDIT/ADDITION: And here is the amazing thing: girls are more attracted to the guy who is fighting rather than the guy who is already successful. If you're already successful, the girl knows what you have: a nice car, a nice house, etc... But if you are fighting and on the come up she has no idea what you may achieve. You might become the fucking President or a billionaire. That is way more exciting for her. And on top of that, she would get to be part of the ride, rather than to just arrive at the party late.

Watch the last scene of 8 Mile where Eminem wins the final battle rap. Instead of talking about how awesome he is, he talks about all the ways he was humiliated. But you root for him and realize he is a bad motherfucker because despite all that shit he went through he is still fighting and that's the most impressive thing of all. You KNOW he will become successful. That is also what vulnerability is: vulnerability isn't being a sad sack of shit and whining and crying all day. Vulnerability is being able to admit your weaknesses because you know you will overcome them because you are always fighting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SApMrvgGd2M (the last battle starts at like 6:50)