How To Create Tension

One of the most important aspects of game is the ability to create the right amount of tension.

Too much tension creates stress.

Too little tension creates boredom.

Your conversations with women should create a sense of challenge, that is what will make her excited and engaged. But at the same time, you should not be so challenging that women become uncomfortable.

The majority of men don’t create enough tension – they have friendly conversations with no emotional weight that feel more like a business interaction than a sexual interaction.

Some men – especially those who’ve learned about game – create too much tension, they do everything in their power to ‘spike a girl’s emotions’, but this creates animosity rather than attraction.

Make a point to be aware of how much tension you’re creating in your interactions with women.

Are you unengaging and overly safe?

Are you creating so much tension that women feel uncomfortable around you?

We have an instinctual ability to read body language encoded into our DNA, but we tend to focus so much on ourselves that we lose touch with that skill.

You can tap into your ability to read people simply by asking yourself something like, “What is she feeling right now? Is she bored? Is she uncomfortable?”

When you do this, you’ll get a sense of what the other person is feeling.

And if you make a habit of paying attention to the nonverbal cues other people give you, you will be able to effortlessly adapt:

• When someone is bored, you’ll be able to re-engage them by changing the topic or saying something emotionally relevant to the other person.

• Similarly, when someone is uncomfortable, you’ll be able to calibrate by showing empathy, “I know it’s random to approach a stranger like this, I just thought you looked interesting and I had to meet you.”

Creating tension is a skill that comes with practice, but the first step is to start paying attention to the amount of tension you are currently creating.

As you start to notice the patterns that are playing you, you’ll be able to start making adjustments.

If you generally create too much tension, the best strategy is to focus on letting other people invest more.

If you don’t create enough tension, it will help to focus on holding stronger eye contact, being dominant and challenging (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzMx5TBiY6E), and to speak with more passion and emotion.

Beyond that, you can also make sure that you avoid interview-mode conversation.

Interview mode is a safe, boring type of conversation that lacks any tension. We fall into this mode because tension can be uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking: we know that if we create tension a girl might reject us.

So, we protect ourselves by having a conversation with no emotional charge. And although this does prevent us from getting a harsh rejection, it also makes it exceedingly unlikely that a girl experience desire.

There are two dimensions to a conversation that make it fall into interview mode: the topic, and the intensity.

 

Topics Of Conversation

 

Topics like spirituality, personal passions, the struggles you’re facing in life tend to be more emotionally engaging than the standard set of basic informational questions two strangers usually ask.

Now, this isn’t to say you shouldn’t ask a girl questions like, “What your major?” Or, “What do you do for fun?”

Basic questions can be useful as a launchpad – a conversation that starts with a girl talking about why she chose to be a business major could lead to a fascinating talk about how the most successful businesses cater to our worst desires and addictive natures (McDonald’s, Instagram).

Similarly, a conversation about a girl’s decision to be a psychology major could lead to her talking about her weird personality quirks and self-destructive tendencies.

It’s good to have a few basic questions in the back of your mind that you can ask anyone, but it is important that you learn how to delve deeper into something emotionally intriguing rather than getting stuck on the surface.

Here are a few examples of questions that are useful to have in your back pocket:

• “What do you do for a living?”
• “What do you do for fun?”
• “Are you from here?”
• “What are you passionate about?”

That said, some topics are better than others. The less emotionally invested a girl is in a topic, the less excited she will be to talk about it.

For instance, talking about a woman’s choice in career can be exciting if done well, but talking about video games will only be intriguing to a small percentage of women. Your overarching goal in a conversation is to gradually make it more emotionally charged, to talk about things that elicit strong emotions in her.

One way to do this is to look for shared interests.

If you tell a girl you like Game of Thrones, and she says she hasn’t seen it, you can ask her what her favorites shows are, and then from that list, there’s a show you also like, you can talk about that specific show.

Let’s say, you and a girl both happen to like Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch.

At first, you might talk about how clever it is, but then you could add some tension by asking her if she thinks Benedict Cumberbatch is hot. I

f she says she is, you could say, “So you’re a sapiophile?”

She’ll probably ask, “What’s a sapiophile?”

You could respond, “A person who finds intelligence sexually attractive. Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t particularly good looking, but he’s a genius in a show. Do you think that’s why you find him attractive?’

She may say yes, she may say no, either way, you can take this conversational thread into a lot of interesting directions.

You might talk about how you think men are secretly really attracted to intelligence, and that although they seem very shallow on the surface, secretly they just want someone they can have a good conversation with, someone who can make them think.

Alternatively, you could do the opposite and tell the girl, “You actually seem really smart. If I were a sapiophile, I’d probably be really into you. Anyway…”

Expect your conversations to start with basic enough topics, things that are not inherently interesting, but have the potential to turn into something with a lot of positive tension.

Now, this may take some time. If you ask a girl what she does for a living and it turns out to be something you know nothing about, you may struggle to take that topic anywhere interesting.

That’s okay, ask another question, change the topic, until you find something that is interesting to both the girl and to you – something you can both talk about without getting stuck on the surface level.

With any topic, you want to bring it in a direction that is both personal and emotional. To make something personal, you either give an example of your experience with something, or you can show interest in her experience with it.

To make the conversation emotional, you move towards topics that are slightly taboo, things like:

• Dating (I.E. talking about what it means to be sapiosexual).
• Spirituality (you could bring up yoga, meditation, astrology, etc.), - Her frustrations (I.E. “So if you’re a sapiosexual, it must suck how dumb most guys are.” Or, “So, you’re a writing major, do you think you’ll make a living as a published author?”)
• Her positive experiences (I.E. “What do you like about this city?”).

 

INTENSITY

 

The second aspect that gives a conversation tension is the intensity.

By intensity I mean the strength of the opinions you’re expressing – being willing to say things that may be offensive.

If a girl says she’s from California, a low-intensity response would be to say, “Oh that’s cool, I’ve heard the weather’s great there.”

In contrast, a high-intensity response would be to say, “Oh, are you one of those pot-smoking liberal hippies I hear so much about?” (In a sarcastic tone).

Basically, the stronger the opinions expressed, the more intensity your conversation will have. Here are a few examples of low intensity versus high-intensity conversation:

Low Intensity:

“You’re a psychology major? That’s interesting.”

High intensity:

“You’re a psychology major? I heard everyone who studies psychology is secretly crazy.”

Low Intensity:

“You like to watch Netflix? What’s your favorite show?”

High intensity:

“You like to watch Netflix? Let me guess, The Vampire Diaries is your favorite show?”

“I’ve honestly wasted so much time on Netflix that I deleted my account. I feel like it takes away more from my life than it gives.”

Low intensity:

“Oh, you’re into poetry? I haven’t read much to be honest, who’s your favorite poet?”

High intensity:

“You’re into poetry? Well, if you end up writing a poem about me, just make sure it doesn’t suck.”

“You’re into poetry? That’s… interesting.”

 

You can create intensity by framing what a girl says as implying something controversial about her (if she likes to read, she must be a fan of “50 Shades of Grey”.)

This is powerful because it’s a playful type of teasing, if everything you say is agreeable and positive, there is no doubt that you like her, but if there is a mixture of positive statements and seemingly negative statements there is some mystery.

You can’t always expect to come up with some kind of clever remark off the top of your head. Intensity doesn’t have to be creative, you can simply disagree with a girl.

For instance, if a woman says, “I’m from Texas.” You could simply say, “I hate Texas.” The emotion, hate, is strong and will create an impact. Now, the delivery is key here. If it sounds like you really hate Texas, she may be put off.

But if you say it in a tonality that sounds halfway serious, but it’s hard to tell for sure, then she will most likely laugh or at least become reactive and get curious, (I.E. “What? Why do you hate Texas?”

The only way to learn how to deliver challenging lines like the above is through practice. You’ll know how well you’re doing based on the reactions you get.

Fortunately, even if you say, “I hate Texas.” With a bad tonality, it’s unlikely the girl will get particularly upset. And if she does, you can say you were just kidding.

Even if you can’t think of witty lines, you can simply say you hate whatever a girl says. This can be applied to practically anything she says.

Of course, you shouldn’t constantly tease a girl or say you hate everything she says. This is the icing, not the cake.

Being playfully disagreeable is counterintuitively charming. Women want there to be a challenge. In terms of sex, their world is completely different from yours.

As a guy, sex isn’t guaranteed, it isn’t something you can easily get whenever you want.

But a girl knows she can get pretty much any guy she wants to sleep with her. She could literally just walk up to a guy and say, “Hey, would you like to have sex?” And about half of guys would say yes.

Talking with a high level of intensity creates a challenge. Now, her ego is involved – she’s being vulnerable, she’s experiencing strong emotions, and she’s not sure whether or not you like her.

This makes the possibility of being seduced exciting, the fact that it isn’t guaranteed gives her a reason to put in effort and to start chasing you.

To be clear, this isn’t something you have to master to get dates with beautiful women. Being a great conversationalist is an asset, but oftentimes a relatively boring, surface-level conversation can still be engaging and sexually charged so long as your nonverbal communication is strong.

 

Positive Tension Versus Negative Tension

 

Tension is a powerful emotion, it’s what makes a social interaction exciting.

Now, you probably don’t want every conversation you have with someone to have a lot of tension (talking with your boss for example), but it will be useful to become aware of this dynamic and to learn to play with it.

Tension is the degree of an emotional effect you’re having on someone. It isn’t necessarily a positive effect (although it can be), it is simply about how strong the emotions you’re creating are.

In many cases, some negative tension is better than no tension whatsoever (a girl who is frustrated with you is more likely to fuck you than a girl who is bored), however, as a general rule, you should strive to create positive tension.

Positive tension is created when you offer value, negative tension is created when you represent a threat.

Both positive and negative tension can make a girl nervous around you, and some of the signs are the same: she’ll touch her hair or her face, she might not be able to hold eye contact, she’ll look a bit tense.

The difference between the two is the reason behind the behaviors, negative tension makes her look away because she doesn’t want to be around you, positive tension makes her look away because she feels insecure. T

he best way to tell the difference is to proactively release the tension you’ve created.

You can do this simply by letting silence hang in the conversation, by teasing the girl, or by withdrawing attention (looking away, taking a step away from her).

If the tension is negative, the girl will either make an excuse to leave or at least she won’t make an effort to engage you much.

If the tension is positive, the girl will want to keep the conversation going, usually by asking you questions.

Basically, she’ll start chasing you if the tension was positive, she’ll pull away if it was negative.

If you find that you’re mostly creating negative tension, it’s a sign that you are projecting negative emotions, or that you are trying too hard to get a reaction from her.

Teasing a girl can definitely get a positive reaction, but if you’re saying the tease to make her react to you, it will feel forced and this will make her uncomfortable.

Anything you do will be far more attractive if you do it spontaneously.

Learning pickup techniques can be helpful, but don’t try to force them into your interactions, trust that you subconsciously think of a good tease when it’s appropriate.

Let the tease happen, don’t force it to happen.

While you’re interacting with a girl, you shouldn’t think about how you can get her to react to you, the only time you should analyze what you should be doing differently is at home while writing a field report or before you go out you can think about what you want to focus on.

If you put in conscious effort into teasing a girl or creating tension during an interaction, it will come across as mechanical.

Tension is an important dynamic in all social interactions. Yet, most people are completely unaware of it

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