I can't have conversations

deefunkt420 · 2014-04-01T08:09:30+00:00

Hey bro. I smoked heavily for about a year and a half and I found my social skills go down the drain too, along with uni grades. The best advice I can give you is hit the gym 3 days a week minimum, do strength training with 10 mins cardio but YMMV, get the weed outta your system (takes about 3 weeks) and in those 3 weeks DO NOT SMOKE. After a month of gym your cravings will cease but if not, then smoking once or twice a month is not a problem, just dont make a habit of it, like smoking on sundays or some shit.

If you are hanging with people who smoke a lot too, stop. Think about your life and what you want from it. Weed is cool and all, but for seasoned stoners like us the initial 'mind expansion' stage is over, and its just another activity which sucks up time. Is there anything productive that happens when youre high? I doubt it. Now, do you want to improve as a person or continue the way you are now? You know what's down that road, why not see how life is the way it's meant to be lived - clean.

I cannot express to you the person you will become once you keep your body healthy by hitting the gym, and your mind healthy by good nutrition and lack of drugs.

In response to your question about how to hold a conversation, you cant until you have something worthwhile to talk about other than getting stoned. I dont know you, but get some hobbies - rock climbing, martial arts, electronics or whatever. Become the man you want to be and your conversations to ladies and gentlemen will benefit from it.

lord_of_vader · 2014-04-01T15:08:56+00:00

I'd say you have a few things to work on before you're out having conversations with the intent of sweeping a young lady off her feet.

Conversations (for me) are as easy as this:

Have you ever laid down treats or candy for a child to find, and then lying down another that's in front of them, and then another? And pretty soon the child is right where you want them to be? How did you do that? "All I did was lay the candy down on the ground and they followed it." Nailed it.

What you do in a conversation is reply to your quarry with leading questions as they move closer and closer. In my experience, the best thing to do initially is to keep the conversation what I call "offline" until she asks you a personal questions. I'll give you an example. (Note: RooshV calls this "old person game" but it works perfectly.)

Enter a coffee shop. Stage left is a cute brunette with glasses reading a book about "Learning German"

Me: Is that book good? Like does it work?

Her: Oh yeah, it's great!

Me: Really. I've been thinking about learning German again, or at least getting better at it. How long have you been learning German?

Her: Oh about a year now.

Me: Have you been to Germany? It's gorgeous over there.

Pause You'll notice I'm also giving her hints to pick up, for example when I say that Germany is gorgeous (it is), it implies that I must have visited in the past to be able to make that confirmation (I have).

Her: No, I'd like to go someday though.

Me: Well maybe you could go with like, a church or school group?

Pause here, I've engineered this question extremely carefully to make her answer in an affirmative to one of those. Maybe she won't, but if she grabs on to one, I can discover if she's religious, or maybe in college, or maybe both. If not, perhaps she's neither of these things, but either way she can keep talking.

Her: Yeah, I think my college has an abroad program I could look into. Why were you in Germany?

Pause Ding. That's the green light. She's asked me a personal question, so I know she's at the very least somewhat interested, or at least enough to have a small conversation before I leave. At the very best we're going to knock boots in the bathroom (never happened).

Me: Oh I was in the Army in 2009 doing some training stuff.

Pause Now I've given her a huge opening. Military service, over seas assignments, whatever. If she bites, I'm in. If she rebukes it, I bounce. Also I'll mention at this point that I will ask if she minds if I have a seat, just for a minute as I can't stay long (just here for coffee or something). If she lets me sit, airspace is clear. If she denies, I say something like

Me: Well it was nice talking to you, have a good afternoon.

That's about it. Most of dialogue is faking interest just enough to get them to bite on the hooks you're laying out.

sharperguy · 2014-04-01T15:38:30+00:00

Best way to learn conversations is to hang around sociable people a lot even if you feel awkward doing it and don't know what to say. And also try to experience the world so you have things to relate about.

recyclablebantha · 2014-04-02T17:13:06+00:00

tl;dr - How do I have an adult conversation?

It's straight forward. Here are some rules of thumb:

PAY ATTENTION. If you're in your head analyzing this or that thing, while talking with someone, then you're staying in your head TOO long. Your senses need to be OUT, sensing the world, specifically, people you might be talking to. What they're saying, doing, wearing, etc.
If they're talking, your mind is on the words that are coming out of their mouth. It is NOT thinking at ALL about what you're going to say in response.
When they pause/stop, then take a second to think about what they said.
The words that come out of your mouth in response, if you want them to be effective, should be taking into account whatever they just said. Some powerful things to do might include steering the conversation towards whatever their emotions or motivations are regarding whatever they said. (Example: "Oh, you just moved here from X? What was that like? Were you intimidated or excited about the move?" Etc..)
Rinse and repeat.
Don't worry about having to say or do the "perfect" or "right" thing. As long as you're paying attention, you'll be headed in a good direction, so long as getting along with this person is in the cards.

forseti_ · 2014-04-01T09:56:29+00:00

You can't successfully approach women if you smoke weed. Stop one of the two. It's your choice what you pick.

Zack_Fair_ · 2014-04-01T16:44:00+00:00

I don't really understand. how do you conversate with your friends ?( or is this a women-specific problem ? short answer is to talk to women as you would talk to your friends.) you should also get out more if you want to tackle this problem and yes, you will have a harder time seducing women when you're high. there are a few top posts somewhere about being a good conversationalist . I'll see if I can look them up, but you can too

ciao2point0 · 2014-04-02T00:26:40+00:00

Hey man, I went through a very similar thing. i use to be amazing at holding conversations, but after smoking every day for months on end, found it much harder. I recently made a post detailing conversations, and practicing it (until it becomes second nature) may be helpful for you.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/21h3xj/concept_discussion_wednesday_verbal_communication/

ackshunpact · 2014-04-01T08:27:10+00:00

Stop getting high all the time, genius. get off reddit. Go hiking, lift weights, read books and write too. Do healthy stuff.

Title	I can't have conversations
Author	MrSlinkerton
Upvotes	2
Comments	18
Date	April 1, 2014 6:25 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/21wijn/i_cant_have_conversations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-cant-have-conversations.1368444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1368444

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