I hate myself.

DutchPUA · 2011-12-26T21:02:00+00:00

Start small. Treat yourself to nice things once in a while, and make a point of it. When you're comfortable with that, try and find out what you want. The key is being comfortable with it, it shouldn't make you unhappy.

puaCurveBall · 2011-12-26T22:59:22+00:00

I live a minimalistic life by choice, because I love myself. Don't blame the symptoms, blame the cause.

Buying more stuff is not going to make your feel any better.

Leelluu · 2011-12-26T22:06:21+00:00

Who is your favorite being? (I was going to say "favorite person", but for some people who experience social issues, their "favorite person" may be their pet).

Think about how you treat them. Think about what it would feel like to treat them the way you treat yourself. And then work on treating yourself more like you treat them.

handoverthebanana · 2011-12-26T23:00:46+00:00

Congratulations, you've already made a huge step by realizing that there's a problem. The good news is that you can do something about it. I've been improving my self-esteem for a year and i'm a completely different person now.

I would start here. This will give you a better understanding of what's going through your head and what you can do about it. Don't be ashamed to get counselling too. It helped me tremendously and i wouldn't be here without it.

This problem goes far deeper than dating skills and i suggest you work on it before you come back to this subreddit. If you have any more questions by all means send me a pm. i'd be glad to help. Just remember that no one is going to respect you until you start respecting yourself.

cpcallen · 2011-12-27T00:30:24+00:00

I'm actually struggling with this too. Like you, I also grew up relatively poor and have always had a bit of an impoverished-student mentality. It was a bit better when I had a well-paying full-time job, but having given that up to pursue a change of career has meant that I now rarely spend money on anything non-essential.

I also have known for some time that I often don't fully believe that I deserve success . I'm want to fix that, but in the mean time you post has made me realise that spending even less on myself than usual may be contributing to making me feel undeserving.

I think both you and I would do well to remember one can treat yourself and do nice things for oneself without necessarily spending a lot of money.

Some examples:

It's a total seddit cliche, but taking care of my body (sleep, exercise, showers, grooming) really does make me feel at least a little bit better about myself.
I've always been really underweight, and I know I have a tendency not to eat for long periods of time, so buying myself inexpensive but tasty snacks is good because that way even if I won't make a meal for myself at least I will get some sustenance.
I really love to go dancing, but I often procrastinate about getting out of the house and then decide it's not worth going. Now I volunteer to do shifts on the door for one of the local organisers, so I get in for free and have an obligation to get there early in the evening.
Nice clothes are good, too, and needn't be expensive. I recently found a shirt from a well-known Jermyn Street maker and a pair of hand-tailored trousers, both virtually brand new, for £7 each at a local charity shop. (The best part: both fit very well.)

Trying to understand and eliminate negative self-worth is important, but not easy. In the mean time, I think it's perhaps worth remembering to "fake it 'till you make it": consider what a person who did value themselves would do, even if they were also thrifty, and then do those things.

drunkasaurusrex · 2011-12-26T23:17:02+00:00

You don't need to spend a lot of money to treat yourself well. Clothes for example, don't need to be designer. Its more important that it fits you well and flatters your body.

ShowcasePUA · 2011-12-27T05:28:24+00:00

You don't hate yourself. Your inner critic just gets the better of you sometimes. We share something in common, I was also raised to have a strong inner critic.

Quit being so hard on yourself. Understand the nature of the reality around you. You will learn that other pepople don't see you the same way you think they do. Oftentimes they are far less critical of you than you are of yourself.

ge99 · 2011-12-26T22:08:43+00:00

Good.

You don't need expensive or nice shit to be happy. Save your money.

Are you saying you want to be a consumerist whore?

2011-12-26T23:59:50+00:00

Spending money on myself makes me happy.

2011-12-27T03:01:03+00:00

I do the same thing. I'll even go off and buy a really nice shirt or cologne and return it a day or hours later unworn, or unopened when I think "When will I ever need it" or losing the money itself,.

stragis · 2011-12-27T03:43:03+00:00

You should check out the enneagram. The book I read part of (book was loaned to me) was by Helen Palmer?. Helped me see it a different way.

puaqueso · 2011-12-27T13:07:28+00:00

well, /r/selfhelp is that way ====>, but i think you should start small. smile every day. find a healthy workout routine. cut off negative relationships. invest in yourself. always

2011-12-26T23:51:29+00:00

Sounds like you hit a rough patch, getting out will be tough. But the hardest part is only in the beginning.

If you have time, stay off the computer and go for a walk. Maybe jog. Think about yourself and only yourself. Don't bother with the outside influence and how people may percieve you. You might even come to the conlcusion that this is a perfect opportunity for change and not a dead end.

Title	I hate myself.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	43
Comments	31
Date	December 26, 2011 8:53 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/nrgg5/i_hate_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-hate-myself.1326178 https://theredarchive.com/post/1326178

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