I'm STILL not getting/missing the most important piece of all of this - getting them attracted to you

puaCurveBall · 2011-10-31T23:05:08+00:00

I'll hopefully write more about this later, but wanted to jump in. Stop thinking you need to "do" anything to attract them, it is more you need to assume attraction and not do anything to kill attraction.

Being in shape, stylish clothing and coming in with strong body language and eyecontact will attract them before you open your mouth.

cody_au · 2011-11-01T08:55:05+00:00

but I feel like there's a piece I'm still missing whereas one or a combination of these switches on her attraction for you - which was not already there physically

It sounds like you think flicking these switches will together emulate physical attraction. As a thought experiment, flip it around and realise looks meets a set of attraction conditions (e.g. strength, confidence, leadership) by assumption; whereas you can meet those exact same conditions by conversation and demonstration.

Do you think it happens that a girl can speak to a really good looking guy, then walk away in disgust at how stupid he is? It can, if he does enough to prove her assumptions incorrect. This is where a lot of guys who are good looking will fail.

There's a whole school of thought and strategy involved in not doing things that cause the opposite of attraction; so similar to the above but instead of necessarily flicking switches you're avoiding flicking switches that display things that would compulsively make her hate you from the get-go. Two of these in particular being premature neediness and self-doubt (more accurately, dishonesty to yourself or being embarrassed about yourself).

By default a girl may be predisposed to dislike you; or like you; or have no feelings about you either way (most common, IMHO). Something as simple as confident eye contact or a smile can trigger a cascading set of positive assumptions about yourself, however, which is why this kind of pre-seeding of attraction is so commonly recommended.

If the girl has no assumptions, the game is yours to fuck up (either by failing to hit the right switches, or by hitting the wrong switches, depending on whichever model best suits your situation; both have their time and place though I generally see things more as the latter than the former because I'm now a naturally attractive guy).

With all of that said, DHVs, speaking with passion, etc are not really the key to making attraction; if anything they are more to keep things going in a positive way and so that she doesn't get buyers remorse. The real key to attraction COULD possibly be the smooth escalation. At each point of escalation a useful model is that the girl is asking herself: is there any reason I shouldn't allow this? If you are escalating and haven't flicked the wrong switches, she has no reason to push you away and eventually you will be in the bedroom. They will also use switches you've flicked in your favour to backwards rationalise they are doing the right thing and that you are worth it. Why? Just because ;-)

But all things equal, if a girl is not attracted to you from the get-go, what EXACTLY should you be doing to change it?

On one hand I think this is a great place to be; no switches are set so what happens is entirely in your control. But, others would argue that having a girl against you from the get go is better because that makes your non-verbal jujitsu against her assumptions that much stronger if they work at all.

No matter what, if you play the game properly, you will not often walk away disappointed in your results.

notgettingit9 · 2011-11-01T04:07:44+00:00

the best thing you can do is assume attraction. sure, there are great lines you can say and little things you can do that might win you points, but the easiest quick fix is just assume she already wants to fuck you. if you truly convince yourself of this you will start to ooze the kind of confidence that you need in order for her to believe it, too. it's a beautiful thing. this is assuming you practice good hygiene, don't have any huge physical deformities, and are in shape or close to it (but yeah i'd fuck patton oswalt, too).

source: i'm an fPUA and 1) i'm WAY more attracted to average looking dudes that reek of confidence than sexy shy guys, and 2) it works in reverse - although i'm going to get dick faster than you're going to get pussy, automatically; i can get it a lot easier if i assume it's in the bag.

frogma · 2011-11-01T06:51:39+00:00

The main way I "build attraction" is through teasing. Tease her about shit. Don't be afraid to tease incessantly (not that I necessarily recommend that, but you can build up to it).

Then I also tend to tell stories- I used to be a huge braggart, but now I'm a lot more humble about it.

Then when she tells stories, you build rapport either by relating to her story and telling something similar, or by empathizing with her story and asking more questions about it, or fleshing it out in whatever way. One of the best things you can do is when she says "Blah blah blah this bad thing happened to me," really try to empathize with that. Even if it's just in your facial reaction. Don't go overboard with it (unless you're being sarcastic on purpose- which also works beautifully), but really try to see it from her perspective as she's saying it, and then try to feel those same emotions she felt at the time. Then respond appropriately.

Being passionate about shit and threading the conversation is still important, but I'm a lazy motherfucker and I can't focus on more than a couple things at a time. So basically when she talks, I make various faces like I understand her perspective, then I relate to it, and in between all that, I'm throwing in some teases about various shit. That's really all it takes most of the time (though you should also be kinoing and escalating and shit like that).

iredditsolongago · 2011-11-01T02:49:04+00:00

This is my method, it takes a lot of practice so don't expect it to work right away. You need to be able to gauge a woman's reactions very well.
You want the girl to associate you with good things. If you introduce yourself and she isn't laughing/ isn't having a better time than she was before you introduced yourself then gtfo. This applies to every interaction you have with her until it's obvious that she likes you, then you can relax a bit.
This means that if she is laughing and having a good time with her friends, it's going to be a lot harder for her to remember you positively. She will most likely think of you as a bother or a nuisance if you come up and interrupt the good time she is having. On the other hand if a girl seems bored, and you come up and make her day better, even if only for a couple seconds, she will remember you and be excited when you return. Make your first introduction short and sweet. Then get a little longer each time you go back to her. Humor is usually the best way to start out, as it makes everyone's' day better, then go to a witty anecdote, but then again it's all up to what you want to do, what type of situation you're in, and what type of girl it is. The main point you want to take away is for her to associate you with GOOD.

l3fth4nd · 2011-11-01T04:11:54+00:00

When you talk to the girl have awesome eye contact, speak loud enough that someone three times the length between the two of you could hear perfectly, and speak in NR to BR tonality. Talk about whatever you want to, always assume she wants you.

Get in as close as she's comfortable with, you figure this out by going in too far, seeing her get uncomfortable and dialling it back a little. Use this same principle for all escalation. You're escalation will cause her to be turned on.

Approach a lot, the more you do, the more you realise bad reactions don't matter and the more relaxed you are on the approach.

PUA_Rochester · 2011-11-01T14:09:05+00:00

Neg. If you want to build attraction, neg. If you aren't sure she's attracted to you, neg. Screw the initial IOIs, just talk to her like you're teasing that girl on the playground in the 6th grade. Obviously once she starts giving you/reciprocating your kino can you then pull back on the negs and commence creating rapport.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/the-neg-as-opener/

Don't become bedazzled by her beauty: putting pussy on a pedestal is a sure-fire way of not entering the cocky/funny state.

reyawaworht · 2011-11-01T17:06:13+00:00

Hard to say what you're missing really - it sounds like you've got the pieces in place. Maybe you're being too intense? I don't find passion or conviction to be giant attraction builders for me, just being "high energy" is what I usually go for.

I would just DHV, DHV, DHV - work on your stories and make sure you can deliver them and that they're saying the things about you that you WANT them to say. Tell stories that involve friends, other girls, physical activities you're involved in, etc.

Also, generally there is SOME girl at the bar or party who will be attracted to you very quickly, even if she's not that cute - engage her for a bit, learn her name, and you've got some social proof for later on in the night as you can keep talking to her (which people will see).

Title	I'm STILL not getting/missing the most important piece of all of this - getting them attracted to you
Author	notgettingit9
Upvotes	19
Comments	35
Date	October 31, 2011 11:01 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lvr0f/im_still_not_gettingmissing_the_most_important/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-still-not-gettingmissing-the-most-important.1324437 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324437

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