I'm stuck in coward mode,please help

EndOfTheUniverse · 2015-07-29T14:54:47+00:00

Three things:

From personal experience NoFap does more harm than good. The crash in confidence, self esteem, Guilt and self blame that happens when you relapse isn't healthy. When I started lifting weights, I got all the benefits of NoFap.... Without the cycle of self blame and Guilt.
Bro, you need to stop taking it so seriously. That's your problem. For you, going out and approaching is "serious" and something you "need to do", this is only going to make your approach anxiety worse.

Instead see it as a form of play. When you see things as fun and you approach it from that angle, your anxiety decreases, and your more willing to experiment and try out new things. (best book on this is Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination, and invigorates the soul by Stuart Brown and Christopher Vaughan)

Start small. Let go of this "vision" you have of what you need to be to be a seduction master. Next time your out and about, why not just ask someone for the time. Doesn't have to be an attractive girl. Just someone. A stranger. Do that a lot, then move onto an attractive girl. Then introduce conversation afterwards.

Many people don't take up running, because they don't have the energy to run 3 times a week for 30 minutes, though they really want to go running. Ironically the people who go from totally unenthusiastic to regular runners just started by going for a 5 minute walk. Then they did it again. And again. Soon a 5 minute walk became 30 minutes. Soon walking became light jogging and then running.

So start small bro.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2015-07-29T15:18:56+00:00

ive been crushing on this girl for about a year now

Forget about her. You've been screwing it up for a year now and even if you muster the courage to do something different, you're still probably going to screw it up due to a lack of experience. And even all the stars align and you do end up dating her, its probably not going to work out, because the vast majority of relationships don't work out. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs.

If you want a healthy dating life, you gotta stop making this about her and start making this about you. Ya gotta focus on improving your social skills. Once you reach a certain level of competence, the dating thing will just sort of start to happen.

Do a little bit of reading and then get out and practice, practice, practice. As you practice, you'll encounter new situations and notice patterns. Come back and ask questions about them.

wesmaster45 · 2015-07-29T14:25:48+00:00

Don't get oneitis, go out find new girls! Call it practice of you want to still go back to your crush 👍

opelmanz · 2015-07-29T14:47:01+00:00

Oneitis is a dangerous disease, but there is a well-known cure and it's available without a prescription

DeathRebirth · 2015-07-29T14:47:11+00:00

Just go outside, meet new people, and get more comfortable in your own skin. You're asking to somehow learn all the card tricks in the world, when you are failing to do a basic shuffle. Ain't gonna happen that way.

silver_nuke13 · 2015-07-29T15:34:38+00:00

Go in a mall.

Have a friend count.

Say hello to 100 women. Don't expect anything back, just do it.

Rinse and repeat in other days until you get rid of the inhibition of approaching.

AlwaysCorrects · 2015-07-29T18:35:00+00:00

You're making excuses. Stop making excuses and go experience that thrill of being scared to talk to people. Eventually you'll get so good at it that it will be second nature and you'll miss the thrill of being scared. Just stop making excuses for being losery and fucking do something else.

SMERSH762 · 2015-07-29T16:31:05+00:00

Now you keep calling yourself a coward, but are you entirely sure you aren't suffering from depression? I just spent most of the last 10 years depressed, hardly leaving the house at all, too scared and embarassed about my own shortcomings to actively put myself out there as an attractive potential partner. I bumbled into several relationships with depressed women and, while having someone to be intimate with can really help depression my experience was mostly my relationships falling apart after a year or so because the women I was with either got over their depression and I didn't, or found that being with someone who is depressed was ultimately holding them back. Either that or my dates picking up on my depressed state and never, ever contacting me again after one date. Which btw makes it easy to remain depressed.

In the last few years I've started therapy, I exercise more and I force myself to be around people at least a couple times per week. I also sobered up (no pot or booze) for almost 2 years while trying to fix myself which really helped. Some people say nofap helped them and if it does, more power to you. Personally I fap more now than when I was depressed, but my trick has been to not browse the vast archives of porn and just have a couple of videos that really do it for me stored locally. I also try to restrict myself to fapping only when I need to go to sleep or before/after strenious physical activity. To each his own when it comes to that, but this is what worked for me.

This year I've been more confident and charming, I've been on several dates and ATM am actively dating a woman I really, really like. I've got a few more I'm talking to, also. I tell them all like it is; I'm into this one chick atm and am a rightious gentleman so I'm not going to tomcat around, but if shit dosen't work out I like to have options open. Amazingly they eat this honesty shit up.

Anyway, /rant. I hope this helped. If you think you might be depressed feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.

redpillmason · 2015-07-30T06:04:04+00:00

Some Phenibut might get you off your funk. It takes away anxiety, depression, and makes you want to go out and socialize.

IWBTTM · 2015-07-30T08:35:20+00:00

Well IMO "no fap" is just about sexual performance, if I stay single too long and masturbate a lot to porn without wearing condoms etc. I will encounter two issues when I get a new girl:

1) I will find it hard to keep an erection when fiddling with a condom. Best work around is if the girls puts it on me while keeping me hard, not happening if she's shy in bed unfortunately.

2) It will be very hard to finish, aka deathgrip.

I don't know any "tricks" to help you break your wall, but let me tell you that once it's broken, it's broken for good. One simple reason is from the moment you go beyond your limit (directly approaching girls in your case?) well you know you've done it once so you'll be confident you can do it again. After the first time, it's no big deal anymore. Just like sex actually.

ninska · 2015-07-29T15:10:46+00:00

I'm on the NoFap as well, in fact I haven't been on that subreddit for a while now and when I checked now I've reached 280 days on hardmode. I'm also stuck at the same place as you - I've fixed a lot of problems I had before due to my addiction, started training harder, eating healthier, reading, meditating .. overall my NoFap journey has been nothing but beneficial but I'm coming to the conclusion that nothing will change until I face my own fears of talking to girls. There's no way around it.

So yeah, I can't tell you how to do it exactly unfortunately, but I can advise you to not get too hung up on your streak and expect it to fix all your problems. It will definitely help with some, but not all of them. If you need some advice on how not to relapse and so on feel free to PM, i've been through hell couple of times during that streak. ;)

Title	I'm stuck in coward mode,please help
Author	Fassbenderr
Upvotes	28
Comments	42
Date	July 29, 2015 1:41 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3f0zra/im_stuck_in_coward_modeplease_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-stuck-in-coward-modeplease-help.1391745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1391745

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