Recently I got in contact with an old friend who I realised was into seduction / game / pick up whatever you want to call it.

He’s been doing it for a few years so he’s pretty experienced with the whole scene, so I asked him for some advice on my fear of day game.

He made me realised the most important part of game which I was overlooking, and that was my inner game. I’ve been so stuck with learning all this material, thinking of what to say if she does this and that, how I will open etc that I’ve totally forgotten about inner game.

He had a pretty interesting insight of it on how if you spend time breaking down logically why you’re so afraid you can rationalise your behaviour to the point where you think “wow, my fear was so stupid in the first place” and therefore feel no fear whenever you want to approach.

Problem with making it seem like a chore instead of something fun and gunning for results

The main problem with beginners like myself is that we’re always trying to gun for results rather than to have fun. That’s why you see all these experienced guys going out not giving a fuck and just laughing their asses off having fun whenever they get rejected. Their projecting their fun, don’t give a fuck vibe out and girls can tell whether a guy is doing it to be a creep or doing it because he just wants to have fun and meet new people. Looking back at it now, most of my results were when I was having fun with my friends and just not giving a fuck about the results.

You are your own worst enemy when it comes to your ego

When you let your ego get the best of you, that’s when you know you have inner game issues. If you care too much about the results, if you care too much on how your friends will laugh at you after, if you care too much on how you look when you approach. This is a hard concept to grasp for people who are naturally introverted, and are generally socially awkward.

Analysis Paralysis, too much outer game vs little inner game

Listening to the Simple Pickup podcast they mention that both types of game need to be balanced, if you have weak inner game and “strong” outer game then you will be stuck in “analysis paralysis” which is where I’m currently trying to overcome.

Having weak inner game can cause you to go into a set very uncalibrated and make it seem very unnatural. I now realise that I am gunning for results far too much to the point where I’m not accessing the situation and after I use my “material” I just think “okay, I’ve done this, I’ve done that, now’s the time to go for a #close” when in fact that you should be constantly access, adapting and calibrating your interactions and then deciding whether or not it’s worth the close. I’ve had many #closes in the past but none of them have responded too well since I’ve not actually be able to arrange a date, they usually flake. I think this is because I’m gunning for the number far too fast, because I’m approaching for set goal and that’s for a number close. It’s gotten to the point where I feel numbers mean nothing, when in fact it’s not the case – it’s just because I’m going in, looking for something, instead of having fun and meeting new people, I’m opening with the mindset that I’m going to take something of value off her, instead of the mindset that she’s MAY take something of value of me which will be my interest in her. It’s them little difference in mindset which can be absolutely game changing.

Exercise to help you improve your inner game

For all those like me who struggle with getting their inner game stable, I suggest writing a list of reasons why anxiety is stupid; why fear of rejection is stupid and why not approaching a cute girl is stupid. Just break it down to the smallest detail on why it’s irrational on a logical level.

I don't recommend people to take baby steps, but what I recommend is for you to realise a few things which may be holding you back and slowing down your growth. I feel as if I'm regressing sometimes because of my inner game issues.

TL;DR

Sort out your inner game by logically breaking down your irrational thoughts, SOLID INNER GAME = SOLID OUTER GAME. Have fun, don’t gun for results; don’t go out your way to set yourself a goal to #close this girl. Just let it happen naturally if you’re feeling the interaction is going well. Don’t have the mindset that you’re taking something of value from her; she’s taking something of value from you (your time and interest).