Anyone else have the problem with their standards being too high?

PunchDancer · 2013-10-10T20:52:49+00:00

Use Binary. 1's and 0's. You don't need a girl to be hot enough to be your wife to warrant hitting on her. It also makes things WAY less complicated, and helps with putting girls on a pedestal. I like to tell my friend with the same issue " Imagine she's on a bed naked; would you fuck her? yes? She's worth hitting on."

pusslicker · 2013-10-10T19:12:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

-insertwittyname- · 2013-10-10T16:28:36+00:00

Usually OPS, Overly-picky-syndrome, is a direct result at the ego trying to brush itself as it cannot admit that it is you that feel you are not adequate for the women.

Example, really cute girl walks, you don't approach because "she's not cute enough".

Likely an excuse for your inability to approach.

2013-10-10T18:13:33+00:00

Do you watch a lot of porn? If you are watching a lot of porn then that may explain why your standards are so high. If this is the case, stop watching porn and masturbating for a couple of weeks and you should see your standards return to a more normal state. Then you won't have to lie to girls about finding them cute.

I pretty much just repeated what /u/MarsayMarsac said but expanded on it a little.

jmikolash · 2013-10-10T18:58:28+00:00

High standards are good. Just make sure you meet these standards yourself, or fuck off.

HappyJerk · 2013-10-10T18:22:16+00:00

They're not up to your standards? So what? You're not going to marry them, or even date them. Or even hook up with them. You should be approaching people just for the practice. How are you going to score with the person that IS up to your standards if you don't have any practice with people on the lower level?

sillymallard · 2013-10-11T00:30:12+00:00

One of the biggest obstacles I had was not that my standards were too high. I was always worried about whether or not other people thought the girls I was chasing were high quality or not.

MarsayMarsac · 2013-10-10T16:48:20+00:00

Try nofap for a few weeks and you will see how your standards disappeare (in a good sense).

joshsway · 2013-10-10T18:13:34+00:00

Actually, most likely you are RATIONALIZING your approach anxiety by trying to convince yourself the girls aren't good enough.

2013-10-10T20:49:11+00:00

Just another excuse you tell yourself. It's a rationalisation that shifts the blame from you to them.

johannthegoatman · 2013-10-11T01:32:46+00:00

Other people have said some good things that are the opposite of what I'm about to say, and they might not be wrong, but I'm going to throw my opinion in there. When I was going out trying to get laid by anyone remotely bangable, I had a semi desperate mind set, failed a lot, and wasn't into the girls I did get. Recently I've really only been making moves if I'm actually into the chick and it's helped astronomically. I realized it's really not that big a deal to not get laid every weekend, or even every month. This lack of pressure makes me much more relaxed and successful. Also, it's way easier to be/express myself honestly and clearly because, since my aim is not just to bang one out but to make a (sexual) connection, AND I don't really care that much if I don't get laid that night, I just be myself and if she's not into it than fuck it. The idea that I was trying to get laid was causing a shit ton of my approach anxiety, and regular anxiety after the approach. But now, after reframing my goal to meeting/boning someone cool IF she's a good match, there is way less pressure because it's not about me succeeding or failing. I still talk to girls I'm not attracted to, but I know I'm not going to escalate, and if they make moves I will most likely shut them down.

Jessie_James · 2013-10-11T02:37:16+00:00

As everyone else has said, this is your fear controlling you.

Either that or you are gay!

If you cannot find a woman who looks decent enough to talk to, you need to remember that looks fade. If your standards are so high that a woman has to look a certain way forever ... you're going to be alone for a long, long time.

Personality often matters a lot more than looks in a long term relationship. If you're just looking to get laid, lower your standards ... and turn off the lights.

frenchfries1 · 2013-10-11T02:49:06+00:00

The best solution: have low standards for hookups and have high standards for relationships.

rayquaza5000 · 2013-10-11T11:55:39+00:00

You should talk to everyone for practice. If you're not attracted to their personality then, just wish them a nice day and move on. Having high standards can sometimes be a convenient excuse for not acting due to approach anxiety.

achinator · 2013-10-11T14:47:44+00:00

I used to only hit on and date girls I would consider being in a long term relationship with, and that severely limited my dating pool. Since I've relaxed my standards and expectations, and I'm having a shitload more fun and I'm getting a ton more experience in for when a girl I really do want crosses my path.

lindermanj21 · 2013-10-12T01:49:13+00:00

First, you need to answer the question: why are you talking to girls? Are you just having fun flirting, working on self confidence, looking for a girlfriend? If you're just having fun talking to girls, or improving your self confidence talking to them, don't think about it too much, just enjoy yourself and work on being comfortable with you. If you're looking for a serious girlfriend that might become your wife, don't lower your standards. Don't let yourself settle for just anyone if it's going to be permanent. Define what you want in a girlfriend and what you want out of a relationship and accept nothing less. It's probably going to take a while to find her, but there is someone who fits your definition and will make you feel like you're on top of the world, you just have to be willing to wait for her.

Short term dating should be somewhat like tryouts for girlfriend, which is like tryouts for long term girlfriend, which is tryouts for wife. This sounds really cold-hearted, so I will add that you need to be considerate of her feelings too. Don't let it get serious if it isn't going to work, and DO NOT LEAD HER ON. If it isn't working, don't blow smoke, and just talk to her about it. If you're too afraid to tell a girl like it is, and she gets hurt because she invested some emotional attachment in you, you don't need to be dating. Be considerate, but don't let yourself be trampled either.

haha sorry, i just realized this got off topic and didn't end up entirely relating to the post. Oh well. let me know what you think.

The-Night-Fox · 2013-10-10T16:21:30+00:00

Unless you are a pimp and can pull 1 out of every 5 girls you approach then you haven't earned the luxury of being this picky. Approach a few girls that are 'below your standards' and I guarantee you sex will be as fun. Honestly, this is more than likely caused by you caring about what other people will think.

cipahs · 2013-10-10T21:46:07+00:00

Unless you're 6'2" + and ripped then stop jerkn it

Seddit_b1ood · 2013-10-10T16:43:39+00:00

Approach any girl if you need to warm up, but when you're in state, approach only the very hot material. At least, that's how I proceed. No point in approaching girls you don't feel attractive. (Unless you're a hardcore newbie, then as Tyler once said "Go fuck a fat chick to gain some confidence.")

HayZeusChrist · 2013-10-11T05:08:13+00:00

Guys who say they have restrictively high standards are often just too insecure. They worry what other people will think about them when they are seen with a girl who is not a 9 or 10.

SimplePickup5 · 2013-10-11T07:28:10+00:00

OP sounds like he watches a lot of porn and is totally disconnected with what real women are like

Rayofpain · 2013-10-11T00:14:31+00:00

stop talking to girls because you want to fuck them and start talking to them because you want to talk to girls.

Title	Anyone else have the problem with their standards being too high?
Author	changeh
Upvotes	25
Comments	49
Date	October 10, 2013 3:50 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1o5g0p/anyone_else_have_the_problem_with_their_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/anyone-else-have-the-problem-with-their-standards.1359710 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359710

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