Is sex a necessity?

Radioactive24 · 2013-10-23T03:36:06+00:00

Not true. I used some of the things I had gleaned from here to start dating my recent ex. It was the most serious relationship I've ever been in. Yeah, sex was involved partly, but it was still a relationship, not just a ONS.

Depends on where you are. Obviously, trying to pick people up in a club or a bar is not the place where people go looking for a wholesome relationship.

_groundcontrol · 2013-10-23T09:09:15+00:00

This is the kind of things you can fool yourself with after a night out thinking "Well i didnt want sex, after all i just wanted a meaningful relationship". Its sets you in a state where you convince yourself that you made it.

Realise you dont actually want to treat your girl friends like your guy friends. Dont treat sex like its something magical and emotional that should be spared for that someone special, the faster you get this the better.

This is the pinnacle of congetive dissonance, you think yourself good at this shit yet cant get laid, so instead of thinking "hey i might be doing something wrong" you go "the reason i dont get laid is because i dont want to".

I realise i probably will get some negative karma for this, as this sub have turned to some weird motivational text circle-jerk, but if can just help one or two persons get this, it will probably be worth the five minutes i spent writing this. Dont turn sex into something its not.

kingcal · 2013-10-23T03:23:11+00:00

Seduction can be used for anything you want it to be for. I've picked up girls, fucked them and never seen them again. I've dated girls casually in a friend with benefits fashion. I've dated girls seriously and exclusively. Whatever you're looking for is up for you to decide.

rmbarnes · 2013-10-23T08:28:57+00:00

What does a relationship 'mean'? 'Meaningful relationship' sounds a bit like a thought terminating cliche.

neensy21 · 2013-10-23T02:49:03+00:00

I'm 22 and started dating my SO when I was 20 and he was 19. We didn't have sex for about a month into the relationship, when we were pretty committed to each other. He was also a virgin when started dating and even though I didn't know he was when we met, it wasn't a turn-off when I found out. If you find someone you care about and are comfortable and she seems open, go for it, but if you're picking up a girl at a party or a bar she might expect it to end in sex unless you make it clear that's not something you're looking for right away. Communication is key, even if it seems awkward. I appreciate someone who is honest about what they are looking for.
Best of luck to you!

ContemplativeOctopus · 2013-10-23T06:05:33+00:00

when I have sex for the first time I want to be in a relationship with a girl I truly love.

that sounds great, but in reality, that's a recipe for clingyness and heartbreak. You really should not worry about who your first time is with, in fact you should do the exact opposite, deciding that you'll only have sex with a girl you really love will most often have disastrous results. Have sex with someone you really like, but don't go into it thinking "they are the one".

shuritsen · 2013-10-23T05:31:52+00:00

Dude.

mansausage · 2013-10-23T13:52:44+00:00

Don't do that ONS shit, OP. At least not until you're sexually experienced enough to be able to tell that it's actually something you want to do.

By the way, you can be pretty frickin aggressive while just teasing a girl, without having sex right away. Builds some good tension. So, kiss her neck, press her against walls while kissing more passionate, a little 2nd base, maybe some dry humping where you slide down over her and then back up slowly while pressing your body against her lady parts, if she gets on top while dry humping massage her head with your hands (even though this turns her hair into a mess very quickly lol), ...

I pretty much did stuff like that on a first date last week, and we even took a shower together, but we both agreed that we wouldn't fuck on a first date beforehand, and I stuck with this. At some point she had to sit down because I was making her all dizzy, and I teased her some more by saying that she'll be a lot more dizzy when I go down on her on the next date.

Next date will happen soon, and she told me she's super excited what I'll do to her next. ;)

Oh, by the way, there's a really good video on cunnilingus on the internet, given that you OP don't have much experience yet, google "the art of cunnilingus" and there should be a video that's over an hour long on a well known porn website. Just saying.

fratticus_maximus · 2013-10-23T14:23:06+00:00

Strictly speaking, no it isn't. Years ago in my biology 101 class, we discussed how sex is not necessary for individual organisms to live (we're talking on an individual level, not species level). You can go your whole life without sex and be happy. I think I recently read that the "happiest man in the world" is a buddhist monk. They don't have sex and yet he is rated the "happiest man in the world (quotes because there's obviously some level of subjectivity and happiest can't exactly be quantified)."

I had your thoughts and sentiments exactly when I was in high school and early university. Let me just tell you something. Your first time is going to suck. Get that through your head. It doesn't matter if it's some random whore (hate using that word but I'll use it for the sake of discussion) or the love of your life, it will most definitely suck. Don't wait around for the "perfect moment." It rarely happens like it does in the movies. Seize the moment and the day and actually go pursue women aggressively. You won't regret it but if you don't take action, I guarantee you will regret it one day.

itsmevichet · 2013-10-23T14:35:00+00:00

I'm still a virgin so when I have sex for the first time I want to be in a relationship with a girl I truly love

You know, I used to think the exact same way, but it was because it was an opinion drilled into my head for 17 years.

I'm not saying your opinion isn't your own. But, I will say that 90 percent of the guys who end up frustrated and alone in their 30s start out with an opinion similar to this and are too stubborn to consider that change might be necessary.

So, I'm asking you to reflect here. What do you really know about what you want? Had you almost had sex before and it felt wrong? Or are you just conjecturing about how you would act in a situation you've never been close to?

Basically, why do you feel the way you do?

We're here to give tools. How you choose to use them is up to you. But, again, my frank assessment is that you're probably younger than 21, and you probably don't have much experience with women.

Nothing wrong with that, but you have to realize that a lot of women want sex, too. And, if you can't provide, they will find someone who will.

roadywan · 2013-10-23T15:14:18+00:00

Sex on the first night? In the first week? After the first month? Not necessarily a necessity. But the lack of can become an issue depending on who you're dealing with.

Whatever you do, don't avoid the experience because you don't think its "love". Turning down what only comes natural causes them to sit up late at night going "What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Am I ugly?"

You're not hitting any home runs by telling them "No I don't want to have sex with you" and "No, I don't actually love you" in the same night. As a result, you just made that person feel like complete shit. And nobody wants to feel that way, so don't be surprised when you get the door slammed in your face 3 minutes later.

Title	Is sex a necessity?
Author	TheNaughtyGarbageMan
Upvotes	4
Comments	33
Date	October 23, 2013 2:34 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1p0utq/is_sex_a_necessity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-sex-a-necessity.1360409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360409

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