I’ve discovered that I’m too nice/passive and not aggressive enough

Sketchy-Turtle · 2026-03-13T20:08:11+00:00

You're way ahead of your peers despite what you may think. A lot of guys struggle with even talking to women. Do not stop talking to women like you do, just add in escalation.

We're a lot alike. I talk to women like I would guy friends, but I physically and verbally escalate. In fact, I just went on a hinge date last night where I basically just acted like I was hanging out with a close friend, but I physically and verbally escalated throughout the interaction. Eventually we went back to her place and had sex.

Here are my notes ( I barely use them now) that I created as a cheat sheet. Looking back I used most of these last night.

[Physical Escalation and compliance test]

Eye contact, smiling, teasing, playful back-and-forth light, casual contact

Sit or stand close (within arm's length)
Touch her elbow/forearm when making a point
Light tap on her shoulder during teasing

longer or slightly more personal touch.

High five → hold it a second longer
Hand comparison → "Your hands are tiny"
Palm reading or "feel how cold/warm my hands are"
Touch her rings, nails, or jewelry: "These are wild what's the story?
Let your knees or shoulders touch naturally
Touch her lower back or waist briefly while moving

Intimate touch after isolation (lovey Dovey)

Massage
Brush her hair back or "dust" something off her shoulder
Hand-holding playfully: "Hold still — I'm checking your vibe
Hold strong eye contact right after touching her hand or waist.
Stand or sit close enough that your thighs touch, and don't move unless she does.
Create light tension with commands: "Look at me when you say that." "Say it again—slower this time

Make the move - kiss, hand-hold, pull-in - but based on all prior green lights

Hold her hand properly (not just compare)
Pull her in playfully: "You're getting way too far — come here."
Kiss (after strong eye contact, sustained touch, etc.)
Groping
Biting ear

Budget-Kick822 · 2026-03-13T20:13:20+00:00

God there's some terrible advice in this thread.

Get over being afraid to express your sexuality as a man. Make no apologies for being interested in women.

You need to learn how to flirt with women. Lookup flirting guides. When you're flirting with a women to express interest and she's flirting back or giving indicators of interest, you need to escalate. Look up escalation guides.

Excellent-Archer-238 · 2026-03-13T21:01:24+00:00

I think that the problem is that you are afraid of getting rejected. You just have to lose that fear and don't give a fuck if they reject you or even if they accept you.

You will probably be rejected dozens of times before you get someone that is actually interested in you.

I dare you to pick up your instagram, follow a random girl and DM her once she accepts you. Don't think, don't give a fuck, just act.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2026-03-13T20:11:10+00:00

https://youtu.be/p-GX8M919hg?is=h7AKQKav3nclFLaO

In summary , you can be yourself , however the key is don’t be afraid to lose her , don’t be afraid to burn the set down . Being yourself is the #1 priority

Then flirt , tease and lead , be the man with the plan and also have FUN

DrBarackPendergrass · 2026-03-13T20:58:40+00:00

Dating Coach here — You’re denying your true nature and “socially apologizing” for your genuine desires as a Man by psychologically pretending you don’t have a dick.

You’d never admit that you really want to fuck her (Not even to yourself) because you think it’s rude and you don’t want to “make things awkward”, so you “Romantically Disqualify Yourself” by “Staying Platonic” just to keep the peace — Even though the proverbial “War” is entirely in your head.

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

WOMEN LOVE SEX!

I used to BE you — And for longer than 23 years — What changed?

A woman saw me rapping and doing poetry online, she contacted me, we wrote back and forth, started talking on the phone, and long story short, I was no longer a kissless virgin.

And no, you don’t need a woman to fall out of the blue and “save you” (Although it definitely helps) — But you Do need “Knowledge of Self” as your foundation with “Self Respect” and “Passion/Purpose” stacked on top…….

……The rest is up to you.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-03-13T20:27:15+00:00

Number 1 step towards solving a problem is knowing what the problem is and where it comes from. You are already there mate, so the rest is comparatively easy.

Here are some basic ways to express "more than friendship" interest in more forwards way. It's generally a ladder:

Asking them out on a date (yes, that simple)
Asking for a kiss
Inviting her to your house
Inviting her to your bedroom
Talking about sex
Asking for sexual acts

That's pretty as easy as it gets. You have to be OKAY with the fact that many women will reject you at some point. Only a few will let you go all the way

FeelLikeVoldo · 2026-03-13T23:26:58+00:00

You have comfort with women that’s good.

Start suggesting and leading more in your interactions you may be killing sexual tension in your interactions and not even knowing it. Sexual tension is sometimes killed before it even starts:

Being too agreeable Breaking eye contact nervously May be too reactive not assuming attraction Afraid to lead Afraid of silence

Don’t be afraid to lose the girl. In your life you will never meet even 0.1 percent of women on earth. Don’t be afraid to lose one. There is Literally unlimited women on earth.

So Dont be afraid to tease
Don’t be afraid to escalate physically

I advise you to read up on how to flirt and read up on Man-to-woman frame.

Matter_Still · 2026-03-14T07:03:17+00:00

I think you're missing the obvious. For reasons that are your own, you are interested romantically and never show it, which should be signalled as early as possible.

I don't know who convinced you that this "bad boy" thing is the golden ticket, but it's a fiction.

Bad boy or nice guy, you have to express your attraction, or it will likely be assumed you're not.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-03-14T11:31:20+00:00

It's about 'engaging the audience' properly in the first place.

Your self-concern, prioritising your own comfort and security above what you're saying or doing, losing interest in your own actions, your 'passivity', your lack of 'presence', causes everyone else to lose interest. If you were stood in front of a crowd of people performing this speech, is what you're doing reasonable enough to maintain their attention? Guys always say "I'm fun and talkative" but the actual scope of whether that's engaging and enticing enough to warrant 'attraction' and attention is something else.

Quipping in now and again doesn't cut it. You have to leave everyone with a taste that they want more, they're excited for more, they're properly engaged and at that point, you can escalate. You can engage people very quickly with confidence, charisma, enthusiasm, and if they are properly engaged, 'attracted', to be honest they do half of the work for you, if not 'steal' you from the other women.

It's not 'aggression', it's enthusiasm. It's presenting something as if it's fun and exciting. It's more enticing to listen to me say the exact same thing you say if there's more volume, energy, enthusiasm, charisma coming out of me. You can't push 150% effort, you aim to close the 'programs' that aren't aiding the end product. I have more resources to draw from because there's less 'brakes', self-concern, tension, insecurity, etc. that's all effort you're using that isn't equating to presented 'value'. In some cases, you're bringing 0% value and 100% self-concern - you're just stood there passively.

The less self-concern you have, the more engaging and expressive you are to others and the more they are 'attracted' to you. You can concern yourself with sexuality and interest when they are 'hooked' and want to be involved with you.

Dandys3107 · 2026-03-14T10:16:07+00:00

I believe it's mainly because you are relying too much on logic, words and social code that has been imputed on you, but on the other hand you can see that reality tends to turn out to be contradictory to it, especially within sexual dynamics. So for you is to embrace such craziness. You may need to play within social norms and acknowledge words of others, but at the same time you can bend some rules, play around with logic and reach for you goal with a drop of selfishness. Play a bit dirty. This is what women like, what are they attracted to, from all the experience that we've gathered basing on their actual actions and decisions, not their words that are often distorted by their personal agenda, social pressure or tradition of shame. Go the middle way, you can do it, you are a man equipped with a huge chunk of testosterone drive and sharp mind. Don't be a pussy if you want to get a pussy.

Frequent_Jackfruit60 · 2026-03-13T19:20:57+00:00

being agressive is not the way my friend

Stewapalooza · 2026-03-13T19:54:28+00:00

Be yourself. Anyone worth their salt will recognize the value you have as a partner/person. You don't need to do anything but be yourself. Get out of your head. "Love will meet you where you are."

SylAbys · 2026-03-13T19:42:35+00:00

Tbh, the dating world is broken. No matter how you come across it, you're gonna run into problems.

Just be you and Stop looking for sex/relationships. Enjoy life as you see fit, and out of nowhere, you will find yourself with a girl good 4 you.

Title	I’ve discovered that I’m too nice/passive and not aggressive enough
Author	firedliquid5
Upvotes	79
Comments	39
Date	March 13, 2026 7:05 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rswhfb/ive_discovered_that_im_too_nicepassive_and_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-discovered-that-im-too-nicepassive-and-not.1575427 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575427

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