Just can’t do that first approach

vardarac · 2020-07-09T04:21:35+00:00

I can't remember the last time I did a cold approach on the street. I've regrettably stayed in my comfort zone which is usually talking to women at bars after I've sung and feel more confident. HOWEVER despite my super beta mindset doing this has improved my general confidence and in-person social skills.

Approach women in more comfortable settings and don't frame it sexually, at least not at first. Work yourself up to a cold approach and ask yourself if something genuinely interests you about the person besides the fact that she's hot. Talk about that. It's probably not going to get you laid, but it'll let you slowly expand your range of competence and therefore confidence.

STD_Tyler · 2020-07-09T05:58:59+00:00

Start really low, asking for directions, saying hi and leave. Even better with average girls. Then build your way up over the course of months! You can't just start your journey with approaching attractive girls right away! It doesn't work like that, for most people.

FairAnalyst · 2020-07-09T16:29:30+00:00

I suggest trying this if you have AA.

Go up to a stranger - man or woman and sincerely compliment them. Their shoes, clothes, hair, outfit. Etc. And then just walk away.

Don't preplan your compliment, do it on the spot.

Don't fight your AA - carry it with you - ignore it and open the person with it inside you.

Don't fight your negative thoughts - ignore it and go ahead anyways.

Now try it on an average girl, then work your way up to a hot girl. Just compliment and walk away.

Now you'll still have AA, but you'll have a mechanism for approaching.

Nauplielius · 2020-07-09T05:07:51+00:00

There are two ways to jump into a freezing lake in the morning (I'm talking 50 °F cold). You can slowly walk into it, which will take awhile and you need to be patient for every inch of freezing water that touches a new area of your skin, or you dive in to try to get it over with, which might make you hesitate since you know how fucking cold that water is.

Both are valid, ie, you don't actually need to cold approach with romantic intent at all. You may simply try to make friends, get to know some of them, then maybe you'll be properly calibrated to go to somewhere like a club where it might be more appropriate to hit on someone.

lonelywolf6 · 2020-07-09T16:07:24+00:00

I was in the same phase that you're in now. What worked for me was to stop walking and be stationary. Then I would approach the women that came within my vicinity. Doing that will give to the opportunity to be still and clear your mind. You'll also get comfortable in the environment.

Apes are range animals. We protect or range and feel entitled to the women in our range. When you settle in to a space you'll feel more entitled to talk with women in it.

kalz44 · 2020-07-10T17:41:47+00:00

This is tough and I've been in the same boat as you. First off, be kind to yourself when you don't approach. Dating is hard as it is and you don't want to add more pressure by shaming yourself for not approaching. Second, you may need to socially warm up. Say "hi" to the first five people you see (whether it's a girl, guy or whatever) the next time you go out to approach. That should help burn away any anxiety you may have. Third (and last), if either of those two don't work look into systematic desensitization. Systematic desensitization is supposed one of to be the quickest way to battle anxiety.

wabbit345 · 2020-07-09T05:09:14+00:00

Why dont you start with ugly ones tbh thats how i started

rickyroyal37 · 2020-07-09T04:33:49+00:00

Take cold showers for 30 days to toughen up your nervous system. Give 5 compliments and build up to 30-second conversations.

Jock_Status · 2020-07-09T04:20:48+00:00

Yo man today I went out same shit some days I’m golden I approach some days my anxiety gets to me but i did one approach when I started but I didn’t do one till like two hours later my legs were sore from walking and not doing jack shit but I told myself I’m doing Atleast one more and it went okay tbh she said oh I been through a lot that was a red flag haha. And after that I felt so much better I wanted to approach more but I was too tired and the volume was going down. End of story is approach fast and quick. I dealt with this when I started out too and as you can see I still do. Eventually you’ll become too frustrated by not taking action you will. Just go for it keep me in your mind when you approach and I’ll keep you in mine when I go out tomorrow. Promise you’ll approach!

Umbran_scale · 2020-07-09T11:01:08+00:00

Don't approach women in the street, it seldoms work out, go to bars or such and go from there.

If you aren't certain of approaching in a social area, ask your friends to go with you, so that way should you fall they'll be there to support and encourage you for taking that first step and keep trying from there.

Title	Just can’t do that first approach
Author	infinity1567
Upvotes	19
Comments	19
Date	July 9, 2020 3:51 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hnw5h8/just_cant_do_that_first_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-cant-do-that-first-approach.1498430 https://theredarchive.com/post/1498430

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