As a small forward I have been working recently on my ability to make spontaneous conversation with people I dont know. Mostly opening. Ideally with women, but anyone in general just for practice. I had it in my head from reading a few places that a good tactic is just "to talk to everyone". Well, I'd always get fouled up by thinking this, but then saying to myself "what do I talk about?".

 

I was rock climbing at the gym the other day and stumbled upon what may be a better mindset for this sort of practice activity. See we (you, me, everyone) always have all these thoughts flying around our head. Just little fleeting thoughts that come in and leave as quick as a flash. In thinking about the past where I've had huge success striking up random conversations (mostly when I've had a few drinks) I know the conversation started because my ability to not verbalize these random thoughts becomes impaired. For example after a few drinks I once walked up to the bar to order another, looked at the shirt of the guy next to me, and blurted out "hey nice shirt I think I have that same one". I didnt. Turns out it was an expensive shirt. But nonetheless I talked to the guy for about 10 minutes after.

 

So I'm standing there next to the rock wall with two girls who I wouldnt mind talking to and notice it seems the route setters mislabeled a route difficulty by mixing up the top rope and bouldering climbing scale (if you dont understand that it's irrelevant). I thought to myself "huh, thats odd". Then I thought DOOFUS, thats something to talk about. Just say it! I did, we talked about it a bit. Later I was next to a guy coaching his female friend on lead climbing. He said to her "see that first clip, thats one of the most important because a fall from there before you clip and youll deck". I thought "yeah I actually saw an older dude fall from there before"...then thought IDIOT thats another thing to talk about. Just say it! I did, and we chatted about that and a few other things.

 

The lesson I learned is something I hope to adopt and train myself to do more often. Say whats on your mind naturally instead of letting those thoughts just pass by. Trying to think of something to say more often than not either is going to paralyze you, or you wont really be able to follow up on it because you didnt care enough to naturally think it. But if you take conscious notice of the thoughts naturally flying through your mind, there's likely something to say even if it's slightly wacky. If it gets the door open it's done its job.

A few other examples:

(Sees a guy wearing some kind of elbow sleeve) Thought Hmmm...wonder what that's for.

(Cashier asks if plastic is ok) Thought (jokingly) No it's not ok. Do people really say that?