Not ready for pickup in general?

dbtg · 2013-12-02T19:11:49+00:00

Women are not te solution. You need to be happy with yourself or you'll be wasting and your time and the time of any woman you meet. Hit the gym. Improve your diet. Get your head on straight success with women will follow and be much moe satisfying than if you get a woman just to make yourself feel better.

smackthisaccountdown · 2013-12-02T19:48:49+00:00

I'm really happy that you posted this. I was with a girl for 2 years, I actually ended the relationship with her, she went off and got married, had a kid, is/was a model and all those things. I'm also in a great college, but wondering if I can ever trust the idea of commitment again, jealous of her new life, wondering if I should consider my future and think about children and all that bullshit. (I'm 20 also, by the way. It's weird when your first love gets married and pregnant. Makes you question what you're doing with your life, even though it is considered by many to be more acceptable pursuing a career in college, but whatever, self-doubt and depression has no bounds.) I started getting numb to women and life overall, not liking anyone who passed my way, feeling hurt that nobody wanted me, when in reality I was pushing everyone away. I was distracting myself.

In psych class, I did a report on this video and it kind of flipped my perspective: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Once I started telling myself that I was truly worthy of love and belonging, my perspective widened. I started getting comfortable with ambiguity, and that comfortability made me easier to be around I guess?

Last night I hung out with an incredibly beautiful and multi-talented girl. I somehow kino'ed her on my bed and we laid in the dark holding each other, looking at the ceiling and listening to music, not saying much. It was glorious. Later, I felt like a chicken-shit because when walking her to her door, while it was freezing outside, she looked into my eyes for a while. Obvious IOI, permission to kiss, whatever. I knew the technicality, I recognized it in the moment, but still I stood there like a dummy for well over 30 minutes, chatting like an idiot. Why? What the fuck, smack? You've done this dozens of times before! Why are you not pulling the trigger? Even got to the point where she said, "Is there something you want to tell me?" After having clearly lost my nuggets, I located them on the ground and dusted them off, mustering the sentence, "I really want to kiss you right now." That was super difficult. I didn't want to blow my chances on a girl that I really liked, and I didn't want to put myself out there and be hurt like an AFC, even though in that moment I was totally acting like one. She knew what I wanted, I knew that she knew that I knew... Risky move after waiting to pull the trigger for so long. And she kind of raised her eyebrow and said, "that's what this past half-hour was about?" She didn't seem to mind. And then I kissed her and it was amazing. I'm floating as we speak. She laughed and we texted later in the night and yeah.

I'm a musician. This is the first girl I've felt inspired to write a song about since my ex-girlfriend (who I haven't been with in like 3 years). Sure, there have been flings and dates and bangs here and there in between, but this one speaks to me in MUSIC, man. We even played piano together last night and sang and did a bunch of weird things you'd only expect to see in the movies. I haven't texted her yet today, she hasn't texted me, but it doesn't matter because I'm happy as fuck that I am capable of feeling like that again. You are too.

Sorry for the ramble, but my point is that technique can certainly help fill the surface void. It can help with getting that physical response, that cuddling and watching movies feeling. It's a good one. Holding hands under blankets and all that. But don't confuse the surface feelings with a girl that is nice for a real, deep connection between someone you genuinely harmonize with.

It's ok to fool around with women to keep your spirits up and whatnot, to have a good time. Shit, I was sleeping with another girl (we'll call her girl B) when this one (A) came along. Nothing exciting was happening with B, but she was consistent, hot, and felt strongly for me. I almost asked her out, but hesitated because I didn't really want her, just someone to fill the void I guess. When A came along, I had to stop everything with B and line myself up to take a proper chance on A. Really happy I did... well, so far anyway haha BUT HEY I KISSED HER AND IT WAS AN AWESOME NIGHT! We're meeting again this week.

Girls you really click with on a deep level don't come around that often. But they'll come. Meanwhile I would try and enjoy your surroundings, be a better friend, a better listener, student, etc. The return will surprise you. If the rules of the game are in your head, they'll come out to play when you're ready. Just let yourself take those risks when you feel that you should. I wish I would've went in for the kiss sooner, but I suppose I lucked out. Feel free to message me or something, OP. Let me know how things go.

TL;DR I was like OP, except my ex got married and had a kid. Felt numb, worked on myself, pushed others away. TED talk restored some sense of me being fair with myself. Started listening more than pushing. Met a girl who put the music back in my head - whether it lasts or not isn't the point, the music is there nonetheless.

joshsway · 2013-12-02T20:29:17+00:00

You actually do not have to fix your inner game before you work on your outer game. Go out there and meet women. You will suck at first perhaps, but you'll get better and better and that will in turn strengthen your inner game.

SpankThatDill · 2013-12-02T21:28:53+00:00

fix yourself man. you are the problem and also the solution. hit the gym or pick up a new hobby.

LiftBodyUpThenDown · 2013-12-02T21:11:22+00:00

Don't feel sorry for yourself. Trust in yourself. Believe in yourself and the actions you take. Do what you know you need to do and what you want to do. Don't get one-itis. Approach all the women you want and be yourself. Make connections with people by initiating conversations with them, and add value to conversations by being a good listener and conversationalist. Treat others the way you want to be treated and things will work out great.

snwborder52 · 2013-12-03T00:10:31+00:00

It feels like there's a huge part of my life missing without it.

This is the core issue. You aren't.

I highly suggest Intimate Connections by David Burns. It will give you to the tools you need to solve your problems. Girls won't make you happy. You have to make you happy.

KidBill · 2013-12-03T08:37:31+00:00

Girls are NOT the solution. Don't let what a girl thinks about you determine your self-worth. Depressed? Close your eyes. Do you feel any physical pain? If not, then you just need to change your mentality. One trick to combat depression is to think about the abundance of what you have: good college, amazing internship, etc., instead of what you do not have.

hamfraigaar · 2013-12-04T08:24:31+00:00

Fuck what those guys say. There is no perfect time. Action comes before feelings, I've said this before and I'll say it again. You feel good AFTER you work out, you feel full AFTER you eat and you feel happy AFTER you get the number. If you want to feel better over-all before you go after the girls, go work-out, eat healthy, work on your hobbies, spend time with your bros and do all those things that will make you happier in the long-term. For me it's the other way around. I go talk to the girls to get my motivation up before I go work out, haha.

Anyway, yes, you've been in a relationship for 2 years, things will be tough in the beginning. Don't worry about it. You'll get back there eventually, but I don't think there is such a thing as not being ready. A year from now you'll wish you had started yesterday. The second-best time is today. There is not going to be a day that you're just going to wake up and feel "ready". You have to push YOURSELF out of your comfort-zone, even if it hurts.

Edit: Of course, as the others say, you have to make you happy, you can't depend on girls for that, what I'm arguing against isn't that girls should make you happy again but that there will never be a "better" time than now, even if you are going to struggle in the beginning. That's my belief.

Title	Not ready for pickup in general?
Author	DatSeductionTho
Upvotes	10
Comments	17
Date	December 2, 2013 6:21 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rxcjx/not_ready_for_pickup_in_general/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-ready-for-pickup-in-general.1362412 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362412

Comments