Allow me to set the scene...

I'm at a Starbucks, doin some work on my macbook and enjoying one of those crack-like Peppermint Mochas they got goin' on. The place is packed as usual (we have a college and a high school nearby), and as you might imagine there's almost never an empty table.

Now just a quick aside: I hang out at coffee shops a lot.

And when I say a lot, I mean a fucking lot. Like I am practically squatting anywhere coffee is served. Some days I seriously wile away the daylight just sitting around working, reading, and drinking coffee.

Now the benefits in doing this should be obvious: lots of people comin and goin, lot of chances to socialize, yadda yadda yadda. Most times, I won't even be doin pickup. Just gettin people's life stories and shit. Though I do pull numbers from time to time.

Now when you hang out at coffee shops as often as I do, you inevitably bear witness to just about every social interaction: people talking about work or school, people playing games, people arguing about random shit, people on first dates, and yes even people attempting daygame.

Yesterday I got to see one such attempt, and dear God was it cringe-worthy.

His Approach

I'm seated there at Starbucks and a table opens up immediately adjacent to me. Within 15 seconds, this girl plops down with all her shit. At first glance, I can see she's cute, but very clearly underage. Definitely an HB8 in the making though.

We make eye contact. She smiles at me, I smile back, then I turn my attention back to work.

Out of nowhere, this guy comes up and sits directly across from her. He looks to be in his 30's, is somewhat built, has on a tight shirt and a military-like haircut. So a meathead essentially. Initially I think he knows her because he starts talking to her immediately. But not with a "Hello" or "How are you doing". Just this fucking stream of consciousness stuff...

"Life's kinda funny, ya know... if you're not—ya know, paying attention, it'll pass you by. Never let life pass you by, got it?"

Now I do love me a non-conventional approach, but this girl isn't warm to it at all. Her reaction was akin to how people react to a homeless person approaching them on the street. Basically she looked down and fidgeted with her phone and pretended he didn't exist.

Ouch.

Also, there was just something slightly "off" about this guy. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I think proto-HB8 felt it as well.

The guy was persistent though.

"What's your name?"

"Hmm? she looks up"

"What's your name?"

^<sup>"Audrey"</sup>

"Say what?"

"Audrey"

"Audrey, you are gorgeous. You know that. Really, you are. Man, just....How old are you Audrey?

"14"

This is where I cringe hard, because the look on this guy's face is nothing short of pure astonishment. I feel for him though, because hittin on a girl who turn out to be a minor happens to a lot of men. Still the guy needs to eject STAT, because he is over double this girl's age.

"What? 14! No, you're just saying that. I know you're older than that, haha. You're pretty though. Man....you know something, you are gorgeous. But who's this, you're brother? points to me.

"No".

"Ahh, ok, just didn't know, you guys look kind of similar, ya know. Hey man, (now to me) you're a pretty good-looking guy. You guys should like go out or something, haha. What do you think, guy?"

Unbeknownst to him, I'm 27. I don't want to keep him lingering, so I chuckle a bit and tell him I'm just here to get a little work done. He shuffles off eventually, attempting to chat up the other patrons, but everyone gives him the same reaction: initial bewilderment, followed by a cold stand-offishness. He leaves the shop a few minutes later, muttering something about how people can be so strange (ironically?)

What struck me about the whole thing was just the lack of self-awareness the guy possessed. And I've met guys like this before—outgoing in some respects, but a little uncomfortable to be around, and always unable to pick up on unspoken cues. Hmm. Just another character from the coffee shop I guess.