Paying for drinks/dinner/stuff- can someone talk about these logistics?

2013-06-17T16:12:18+00:00

the reason why I don't pay is simply because I didn't drag my date out, she isn't a child, especially not mine and I know I don't have to pay for her shit to win her over. My dates are young adults who consented to come and meet me;

us being on a date is a mutual decision to see if we enjoy eachothers company rather than me getting her to meet me so that I can put her on a pedastool and celebrate her in every way possible and hope that I get laid in return

Who invited who out doesn't matter, what matters is that you mutually decided to try and have a good time together, so unless one person really wants to for whatever reason, I don't see why someone should have to pay for the other person.

to put it in another perspective, you don't pay for your friends shit whenever you invite them somewhere, so why should you for someone who is less important to you than your friend?

MGM420 · 2013-06-17T15:26:44+00:00

First date split it.

WarehouseJim · 2013-06-17T20:19:32+00:00

I don't think there's a right answer here. It's more about your attitude when doing whatever you do. I always pay but I don't make it a big deal, I just smile and say, "I'll get this one." Usually she gets me a drink or something at a later date and it's not a big deal. I've also had girls insist on splitting and I always let them (again, I smile and say OK). If you put too much thought into it you'll either come off stingy or unsure of yourself -- neither are good. I think it only comes off as buying her affection if you're spending $100 on dinner for the first date.

Gelnn · 2013-06-17T18:08:05+00:00

This is a cultural thing, so it depends upon what YOU are looking for in a woman. All these things are already worked out in a man's mind. Do you want a southern belle or a modern woman. Are you pushing the envelope of gender bias or a staunch, classic gentleman?

I live in the South, so if I want to get laid by a certain type of chick (most born here), then I will be paying for shit and opening doors.

However, I do not approve of this cultural bias. I DO, in fact believe that it is tantamount to paying for someone's company. So, I won't do it for someone I have no established relationship with. Thus, I do not fuck the southern belles around here too often.

Just the way it bes.

leodoestheopposite · 2013-06-19T03:35:11+00:00

When I was an AFC, I took dates to restaurants and footed the bill; and it never went anywhere.

This is what I do know, it's a form of escalation in getting to know someone:

I meet someone new, and we decide to see each other again.
So the next time we see each other is at a coffee shop, I pay for the coffee shop bill, a few bucks.
Depending on the girl, chemistry and mood, the coffee shop non-date can go multiple ways: ONS, drinks, drinks at my place, my place, or we make plans to see each others again for some activity with a group of friends.
If we go for drinks First round is on me and I settle the check, I don't run a tab. And then depending on the chemistry we either part or we go to my place to continue drinks and conversation in a more relaxing place.
If we go to my place directly from coffee, well, you know.

Bottom line: I pay for the coffee, one drink, but not more. If you think about it, a dinner is not a very conducive activity to get to know someone.

If a girl expects dinner as a first activity together and expects me to foot the bill, it's a sign that we are not compatible, so I move on.

bl1y · 2013-06-17T18:00:17+00:00

There are too extremes you want to avoid. The first is the chump attitude you identified, of trying to buy her affection with gifts. The second is the ...I don't have a word for it. Mantard? Yeah, the mantard attitude of "Spending money on a girl is for chumps, so I never do it bro!"

Both are wrong.

The social norm for dating is that if you invite the girl out, you are picking up the check. I say you should generally roll with that. If she offers to split, you can, but you should be prepared to pay. I tend to go for the same sort of thing you do though, pick a date that's not expensive. You pay, so you look like a normal decent guy, but it doesn't break the bank, and it doesn't send the signal that you're trying to buy her.

carlyishere · 2013-06-17T17:42:13+00:00

I like to at least offer to pay half, but it is nice when the guy makes the move to pay and then I stop him. I guess it really depends on what it is, an expensive dinner I wouldn't want to let the guy pay the whole thing, but say something super small like coffee I probably wouldn't object. Like others have said if you do pay just say you got the next one, makes for an easy second date :P personally I like the alternating approach best.

kingcal · 2013-06-18T04:08:07+00:00

I tend to say something along the lines of "I'll get X. You get Y." So, I'll buy dinner and then she buys a couple drinks. I've literally never had a girl second guess it.

It's not like girls will flip out over it. I usually say it once, and then from then on out, it's an assumed behavior. Either I'll pay the bill and she hands me some cash for hers, or she pays for the next thing.

knoekie · 2013-06-18T13:15:26+00:00

I think it's cultural too. I'm from the Netherlands and I wouldn't mind paying for half, but I believe the expression 'going Dutch' (where everybody splits the bill) is maybe responsible for this. However, as a girl I would like the guy to suggest to pay, and then I would pay half anyway. It's the suggestion that's most important for me.

But I must say I know there are lots of differences how girls react. I've seen lots of girls just accepting drinks from guys they don't like, just to get free drinks. My idea is that I only accept drinks from guys I like to talk to. Most of the time this will mean my friends or friend-friends and not that many strangers. I'm in a steady relationship for a long time and I'm not looking for somebody. If I go out I'd like to have fun and dancing with a stranger can be fun, but I don't need him to buy me a drink.

JORGA · 2013-06-17T16:41:29+00:00

I believe it's called common courtesy and being a gentleman. in my opinion the man pays unless she offers to split, refuse once and if she still insists then accept. So many egotistical guys on this sub. Paying for the meal doesn't mean you're trying to buy her, I bet 75% or more males all pay for the meal.

Gamecardz · 2013-06-17T14:51:14+00:00

I think of that rule a bit different. When in a club setting(night game if you wish), I never buy girl a drink, unless she's a friend. I let them take a sip of my glass, but i never buy them their own drink. But when asking a girl out, or better put, going for a walk and getting a coffee to go/ice cream I normally pay, unless she's really trying hard to pay. Bottom line is, if you can't afford 2 ice creams on the first date, you should be looking for a job not learning PU.

Title	Paying for drinks/dinner/stuff- can someone talk about these logistics?
Author	CrankRED
Upvotes	4
Comments	28
Date	June 17, 2013 2:31 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gima5/paying_for_drinksdinnerstuff_can_someone_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/paying-for-drinksdinnerstuff-can-someone-talk.1305345 https://theredarchive.com/post/1305345

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