Please help me if you can. I hate myself.

PuckishRogue_69 · 2015-07-24T01:07:13+00:00

Bro, think about what you're saying. The consequence of failing with with women is that you're back where you started. You'd rather die than be back where you already are? The last thing on your mind should be girls right now. All that "finding somebody" crap happens when you're already who you want to be. Try out some hobbies, do some charity work, find something to be passionate about and focus on that. When you think you're awesome, girls will want to be part of your world. Until then, do something else worthy of your time.

yellowfart · 2015-07-24T01:05:29+00:00

I don't know if that will help you, but I was in a similar state when I was your age. No close friends, unable to find a decent job mostly because of my depressive state and social anxiety, I didn't even think about having any kind of relationship with a women. Somehow I started a buisness that worked well, I moved to a different country, met new people, got friends, made money, built an interesting lifestyle, improved my image, worked out... And eventually started seeing women. I am 26 now and I still have a lot to learn (that's why I am here), I am far from being a pick up artist, but I do get date and score once in a while. My point is, you won't get good with women in one day. You won't get good after reading one book. What matters is, that everyday, you make progess and become a better man. As long as you are going in the right direction, you will be fine.

mogujohnson · 2015-07-24T03:05:07+00:00

I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that you shouldn't seek advice from this community. I won't make a sweeping statement that there are no decent people here (reading the comments to this thread, it's clear that there are some really decent people here), but there is far too much highly-upvoted shitstain nonsense that will get you nowhere. Read some field reports and it's clear that these people are not, in the aggregate, where you want to be. See, for example, this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3ebvxt/fr_so_i_was_invited_to_an_open_party_in_another/. This guy is a genuine fucking loser. Look how he alienates everyone around him, and how nobody in the comments seems to realize that he ruined a friendship with someone who invited him to a party. By and large, this is NOT the community you want to get advice from if you're feeling so down about yourself. Even if there are some nice and smart people on this subreddit, I'm worried that you'll get encouraged by some fucking idiot (read: at least a majority of this subreddit) to take your life in a direction that just won't be good for you. If you want to get better with girls, you need to work on yourself in a capacity that's wholly unrelated to getting better with girls. Get a hobby, work out, and become professionally successful. Being successful at anything (including romance) is about the fundamentals, not some dumb fucking gimmicks like the garbage pop psychology that gets thrown around this godforsaken community. Become a better person for yourself, and I guarantee you people (incl. women) will love you for it.

frez01 · 2015-07-24T02:56:40+00:00

it is human nature that we want to spend our time with other people who are mentally healthy, and whom are in a good place in their life.

we all want to hang out with cool people. but guess who cool people want to hang out with? -- other cool people.

i suggest for you to first take care of yourself. dont chase a woman hoping that she will take care of you. a woman will not complete your life. you have to complete yourself first before you invite a woman (or anyone) into your life.

if your life is a mess right now, women (or even anyone) will not want to be in your energy.

but if your life is organized, your studies or career is well. your physical and mental health is taken care of... then, a woman will find your energy appealing and will want to be around you.

ask yourself this; if you were a woman, would you want to be with yourself right now?

so take care of yourself first. focus on improving yourself. find hobbies, join a sport, etc. (this will raise your social standards)

women are like butterflies. the more you chase after them, the more they will fly away. but when you are busy enjoying your life... they will gracefully land on your shoulders.

(disclaimer: a woman will not fall on your lap. you will have to practice approaching them and getting to know them. but focus on improving yourself first. a woman is secondary. your life is primary.)

picardsnipples · 2015-07-24T06:29:59+00:00

You're only 19. Stop overthinking things. Focus on your life and going in the right direction in general and you'll meet girls over time.

CharmFormula · 2015-07-24T07:21:22+00:00

Hitting rock bottom is what is needed to reevaluate and change everything in your life. Some guys go through this process and its quite normal. I went through it myself so I know what I'm talking about. This is a generalised form of depression. Medication does not work for long and the side effects suck.

The root of the problem is deep negative subconscious programming. Your habit of brushing your teeth or driving requires very little thinking once you have mastered it. Such is the case in a mans formative years and picking up negative thinking patterns or behavioural triggers. I spent the better part of my life struggling with overcoming my depression and learnt how to over come it. It's not a simple process and requires another person who has been through it to guide you.

If you think of the brain like an OS then it makes more sense. Programming itself with "how to cook an egg", "How to get to school" and "how to survive an emotional breakdown" We learn so much stuff when we are kids just soaking up all kinds of information about our environment and relationships, so that we are prepared for surviving in this world. The problem is we pick up bad shit too. Out brains at the end of the day don't care if we are happy, they only care that we survive and reproduce. So if your brain believes something is for "survival" that programming gets in, and it stays. The problem with this deep negative programming is that it affects all aspects of your life and thats why you don't feel like you are in control. The negative program is running and effecting your actions and behaviour without you knowing. If you have ever just burst out crying for no reason, then you have experience this first hand. This is the most confusing thing I've ever had to deal with because its not logical and your subconscious protects all the "survival" programming from being edited.

If you are interested to know more about this PM me.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-07-24T14:48:38+00:00

But something always holds me back and I hate it.

That "something" is you.

I don't mean that in an insulting way and I'm not saying it to put you down, though (and please definitely don't put yourself down!).

The point is, there is no external entity that is holding you back. You are the one that is holding you back! This is actually pretty awesome, because it means that you have the power to change your situation.

See, here's the thing. We can't actually help you. We can only guide you. There's no magical, sage advice that suddenly transforms you into a dating wizard. Similarly, even if you received the godliest of all dating advice, you still wouldn't suddenly transform into a dating wizard. That's not how humans grow and mature, whether it's dating or finances or fitness or martial arts or etc. etc.

Think of it like this. You can read proper squat/benchpress form over the Internet, but if you really, really want to learn it, then you have to go out and practice it.

It's the same as dating. You can read and read and read all you want, but actually being able to apply it comes from real practice and experience.

You need to start exercising your "push my comfort zone" muscle. You know that feeling when you're scared, but you know you gotta do it anyway? We always have two choices, do it or not do it. But, we've trained ourselves to not do it because staying in our comfort zone is safe, even if we know the risk isn't that big anyway.

Train yourself to start going for the uncomfortable option. Maybe it's approaching that cute girl you saw on the street. Maybe it's asking for her phone number because you want to see her again. Maybe it's something as simple as saying "hello" to that cashier instead of looking down and avoiding eye contact.

Long story short, take your time and build on yourself slowly. Being good at dating comes from practice and experience. The thing is, the "plz halp me" mentality doesn't exactly work. Because there's nothing we can do for you except give you resources. Teaching doesn't mean, "I'm going to upload my skill onto you". Teaching means, "I'll show you the path, but you have to walk it".

So go out there and take control of your life. Push your comfort zone. Maybe take that dance class you've always wanted to, but felt too shy. Maybe ask out that girl you always thought was cute, but was too scared. Do the things that you want to do, and if that voice in your head says, "oh god no! go home and watch Netflix and masturbate!", tell it, "relax, I'm trying to be happy here".

And don't be discouraged by "failure" or rejection or etc. Failure only happens when you stop trying, because even in "failure", you're gaining valuable life experience and building emotional fortitude. When you get rejected by a woman, it's not a rejection of your intrinsic self or an attack on your character or worth. It's simply you two not being compatible. And it gives you the opportunity to learn and grow.

Think of all the things that you've wanted to accomplish in life, and think that fucking asshole voice in your head telling you all the reasons as to why you couldn't accomplish them. Now tell that voice to FUCK OFF. Think of how your life would look if your self-imposed limitations drifted away; feel free to dream a little. Let that dream be your motivation. Wheneven you're feeling discouraged, unmotivated, depressed, anxious, etc., think of that dream and let that goal be the source of your strength and inspiration.

lelmax · 2015-07-24T01:44:57+00:00

I didn't read everything that was said but I think you should not worry as much about this and relax. You're 19, I'm not much older only 2 years but I thought my life was gonna forever be the same at 19 because I had 0 experience with girls. Now that I've gotten some experience I still am realizing I am making mistakes saying things that may come off in a way I didn't mean etc.

All I can say is focus on your individual self and try and do whatever makes you happy, women will come.

_copstabber_ · 2015-07-24T06:14:22+00:00

You will be completely fine. I suggest talking to people on free dating sites. It's awkward for everyone so don't get discouraged- Just practice.

FrozenFirebat · 2015-07-24T07:24:01+00:00

Everybody is trying to be logical about how to deal with extreme emotion... that isn't helping you. Try something different. Steal from the methodology of a lot of coaches, and do something that isn't goal driven at all to break your fears. I like suggesting one that I got from watching Sasha Daygame: Just go up to somebody and say, "I don't want to be weird, but... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... And just hold the Uhhh sound indefinitely until they end the interaction." There's no goal, no loss, just a desensitization from the fears of social interaction.

jouthrow · 2015-07-24T12:44:25+00:00

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" had more impact for me than Models, you could check that out. Invest in yourself, learn why you care about others opinions. Investing in yourself is the best cure for this. I could read between the lines, that you think if you were good with women, and you found someone, you think that would make you happy but that's not the case. You need to be happy being alone before you can be happy with anyone else. I'm sure about that, if I dropped all my hobbies and everything I do for myself, even if I found the perfect woman she wouldn't be able to make me happy.

First, make sure you find a job and some hobby that you like to spend time on. Stop taking the meds and start hitting the gym and get in shape. Sounds like your depression comes from wrong kind of thinking, you don't have self-confidence nor do you respect yourself, that should be your first priority to achieve.

If you are needy, be needy. No need to fake being something you are not. You must accept your shortcomings before you can work on fixing them. The trick is developing yourself to become less-needy, not pretending it.

Pan0ptimist · 2015-07-24T14:10:39+00:00

The best way to lift yourself up is to lift someone else up. Volunteer. Go talk to people on long term care at a nearby hospital, go walk dogs at the local animal shelter, go help out at the community food bank. I guarantee all of these things will give you the perspective you need to acknowledge what you have going for you.

You are a young man. It is totally natural to feel overwhelmed. Forgive yourself first. Then go out and help some people/change the world.

bmaxxx · 2015-07-24T14:22:02+00:00

Dude, if you're not comfortable being you, no one is gonna feel comfortable being around you. Stop worrying about girls for a little while and focus on yourself. Remember why you're awesome. Think about all of your skills and the things you're good at. Remember that there is nobody on this Earth who is uniquely you.

Women aren't your problem. Your problem is self-esteem.

TickleMyPony · 2015-07-24T15:32:15+00:00

I just want to say thank you to everyone who is trying to help me. I like the advice. I can't guarantee that any of it will work for me but ill do my best. Thank you again

2015-07-24T16:35:27+00:00

I've been there, brother.

There are three main things you NEED to get out of it. Need. And there's good news: They're all wholly under your control.

Meditate, lift, and find your passion.

Meditation's easy, if a bit boring at first. Sit still and quiet youl mind. That's all. If you can't manage that at first, focus on a continuous sound (ceiling fan worked for me) and try to quiet everything else. You'll gain detachment and mental control, those huge problems in your life mean less and you can force out the negativity.

Lifting's a bit harder, but it's amazing for you. Releases endorphines, increases testosterone production, and as you progress, it'll increase your confidence because you're constantly and consistently achieving goals and improving. Plus you get built and that doesn't hurt.

Finding your passion's interesting, either the easiest or hardest of the three. Music, reading, writing, socializing, video games (with a competitive mindset, not necessarily achievement whoring on some game you've beaten 90x), building things, programming, working out, cooking, quilting, anything. Then get good. Get damn good. You'll forget your problems as you progress and be happier overall.

You've got this. It takes hard work, but it's worth it.

Edit: you already lift, missed that on the first read. Go hard on the other two and keep it up. And don't do it for women, do it for yourself.

FreyWill · 2015-07-24T19:29:45+00:00

Do some mushrooms.

Llleblanc1986 · 2015-07-24T22:45:29+00:00

Its not that big of a deal bro, TRUST ME. I'm 28 and have been with fucking literally Countless women, of all shapes and sizes, one night stands and everything in between...and now, sitting here, I really Dont give a fuck..meaning I would have been fine NOT having all that success. It doesn't make me cooler, it gives a few perks, but who gives a shit? My neighbor doesn't, my family doesn't, my friends Dont care to get into detail.

The only thing that I DO feel, is that I am here and the world is beautiful and explorable. (The world, not women). And life is fucking Short, so you need to stop BERATING yourself because your not GREAT with women, TONS, AND TONS of guys like you are all over in abundance..You are NOT the only one. I sucked with women until I was 23 years old, THEN I started having more confidence.. Stop worrying and start focusing on seeing. YOURSELF as a desirable man that you love, and that women love.

Listen to this http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CCIQqUMwAWoVChMIzb2O4-v0xgIVxjiICh1qugwU&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DeqCc8D_z2SQ&rct=j&q=cory%20skyy%20youtube&ei=nr-yVc32K8bxoATq9LKgAQ&usg=AFQjCNGlkYyj6rOht2pkF40XODCeGp3RqQ

Its a simple youtub video from Cory Skyy. This is the real deal, its free and he knows what he's talking about and doing. Work on yourself from the inside out to attract women, but Dont let your whole life revolve around it bro. Stop being addicted to these forums if you are, and Live. Good luck

NewToNoot · 2015-07-25T15:28:55+00:00

I've been there too. In my experience, your sense of being trapped comes from seeing that your current actions will not lead you to women. And yet you feel too overwhelmed to even know where to begin changing anything, because you feel there is so much to improve on, and wonder if it's even worth the struggle.

I will not tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, because you can't control that. What you can control is small, repeated, consistent actions. Pick one small daily habit that will make you a more attractive person in the long run. The only rule is you have to do it every single day: committing youself to run for 1h daily is not sustainable, even 30min may not be manageable on some busy days. Make your commitment as small as needed to make it a no-excuse action that you know without doubt will, over time, make you a more attractive person. A good one to start with, for example, would be playing piano 10min every day. Or paying more attention to your posture when walking somewhere.

Knowing that no matter what happens or not with women, you can trust yourself to work everyday on improving your life, will over time build in you a sense of direction, inner confidence and independence that will ultimately attract women to you. At least this has been my experience. Unfortunately there is no shortcut, you really have to experience it to know the truth of this.

frez01 · 2015-07-24T00:59:31+00:00

what do you need help with specifically?

Title	Please help me if you can. I hate myself.
Author	TickleMyPony
Upvotes	9
Comments	26
Date	July 24, 2015 12:10 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3edy9k/please_help_me_if_you_can_i_hate_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/please-help-me-if-you-can-i-hate-myself.1296229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1296229

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