Question about one night stands

yenners · 2012-01-17T20:31:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

puaCurveBall · 2012-01-17T20:25:16+00:00

at the cost of their dignity.

Why would a fun ONS lose them any dignity?

others say that you're not responsible for her making a bad choice.

Why is a fun ONS a bad choice?

the way they feel

Stop trying to A: Clump all women into thinking the same and B: separating how they feel after ONS from men. We are all just people.

Just let them know whats up, tell them you aren't looking for anything serious up front.

PyouA · 2012-01-17T20:34:47+00:00

Morality is a tough thing to bring up around these parts, but as it also tends to be important to me, I'll give you my personal stance. Take from it what you wish and leave the rest.

If I'm going for a one night stand, that frame is implicit in what I am doing for the night. I'm not talking about how me and her should do some interesting hobby together, or how she is exactly my type (in any way but physically) or how I feel like I have so much in common with her. I've found that although stuff like this does build attraction, it also puts you in a boyfriend - long-term type of frame where she is going to want to date you anyways before having sex. Since this isn't want you want don't advertise to the contrary.

The way I do approach is one of a heavily physical connection. When I she qualifies it is usually about things that would be of immediate concern to the one night stand (sexual history, fitness, clingyness etc.). This way you are qualifying her for a one night stand and not a relationship (which is stuff like, what are you passionate about or questions about education or career).

When I've done things this way, the girls usually already know what they are getting into without me saying anything. Even if they do want a relationship, they will usually say something like, "I know you don't seem like a relationship type of guy, but I would love to do this again sometime" or something like that. Then I will tell them that I had an awesome time as well and that I would never count it out if I run into them again.

I hope I was at least sort of clear with this, if I need to elaborate on anything just ask.

eskachig · 2012-01-17T21:30:38+00:00

It depends. A lot of women are lonely and do want a relationship, and will feel like they were taken for a ride after a one night stand - even if heading into it they should have seen the situation more clearly. Kind of how one might feel if they were 'upsold' by a seasoned salesman. If you want to avoid this either pick your targets better (ie: don't take advantage of lonely women who are looking for something more), or stop having one night stands.

Fudgeworth · 2012-01-17T21:44:55+00:00

Why is it the guy's responsibility for the woman's feelings after she chose to have a one night stand? If the woman doesn't want to feel like a slut after a one night stand, she shouldn't have one night stands.

kojopolis · 2012-01-17T23:05:49+00:00

so much blame is put on the men for one night stands, fuck this culturally influenced mentality, a women expecting a relationship out of a one night stand is rude

a guy pretending to date a girl and kissing her on the third date banging her and leaving her is also rude

nobody is at fault, most people have the social skills to understand what someone wants

1independentmale · 2012-01-17T23:45:07+00:00

Someone said something to me in this forum recently with regards to this and it bears repeating:

"Take responsibility for what you want and respect her enough to let her take responsibility for what she might want."

Has this actually happened to you, where a woman called you up and expressed remorse over sex, or told you she feels like you used her? If not, allow me to humbly suggest that you may be over analyzing the situation. Women who meet men in clubs and sleep with them the same night, generally speaking, want exactly what you're giving them. Unless they're crazy, they won't be calling you up and accusing you of using them or attempting to guilt you into a relationship.

That being said, if you had a good time with her, I think it's decent of you to talk to her the next day. Even if it's just a text, you know, give the woman a little validation so she's not sitting around wondering what the fuck she did wrong. She is a human being, after all. Treating her with dignity and respect the day after will do wonders in resolving your concerns in this matter and likely guarantee you the opportunity for a repeat performance.

2012-01-19T01:09:08+00:00

My approach is "She's a big girl, she decided to do what she wanted, as did I. I will be polite to her both before and afterward, but other than that, I have no responsibility to make her feel good about it." I probably can't make her feel good about it if she regrets it, anyway. And her regretting it isn't my fault.

2012-01-19T05:43:27+00:00

Think about how society treats women who are open about their sexuality and it's fairly obvious. Imagine this:

Girl: "OMG, I went out last night and had sex with this AMAZING guy, he fucked me 8 times, by the end of it all I was shaking and could barely walk. It was the best sex I'd ever had!"

Seriously, let that sink into your brain for a minute, and just imagine how the average person in our society would respond to it. Girls have been conditioned by society to believe they hate sex, but they still go out and have ONSes all the time. Why? Because they like them. That doesn't mean they are going to get on a mountain top and scream it to the world though, they don't want to draw the negative attention they will most definitely get from that.

Title	Question about one night stands
Author	yenners
Upvotes	3
Comments	23
Date	January 17, 2012 8:03 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ol9ia/question_about_one_night_stands/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-about-one-night-stands.1327085 https://theredarchive.com/post/1327085

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