Saying "not giving a fuck"

Recently the term "not giving a fuck" has started popping up and being popular on seddit. This term could be harmful, encourage douchy behavior and shouldn't be the phrase that's on your mind when developing your inner game.

The phrase "not giving a fuck" first applies in life situations where you are outside your comfort zone. This could include simply doing an activity you have never done before because of fear.

Lets say you have a fear of doing yoga. Yoga shows off your body's flaws, you will suck at first and there is always the chance of stress farting. Sucks as a beginner.

You have two mental options:

I DONT GIVE A FUCK AND ILL DO YOGA
I'm going to go to Yoga because I like improving my physical and mental condition. I realize by body has flaws and so does everybody else. I'm totally comfortable with the body I have. Its always fun and exciting doing new activities that I've never done before. I don't give up and I will succeed at getting better at Yoga because I'm the type of person that always gives 100% to improve at a task.

The 2nd option is always preferred because its 100% internalized. There is no comfort zone to break anymore. You are always comfortable with foreign and strange situations because you've internalized justifications for why you are there and doing these things.

Even embarrassing scenarios become interesting and fun once you develop past the "not giving a fuck mindset". Instead of thinking "lol this is embarrassing but I don't GIVE A FUCK" you are thinking how fun it is to make other people laugh or how awesome this memory will be to relive later.

Now in regards to pickup in its simplest sense its really easy to internalize the "not giving a fuck" mindset and becoming a fool of a man.

You don't approach because you don't give a fuck because of rejection. You approach because you like meeting new people and you know people enjoy your company. You approach because you give people value. Handing out gifts feels good right?

You don't go up to a girl and dance with her because you don't give a fuck what she thinks. You dance with her because you love dancing and she'll really enjoy dancing with you.

You don't escalate because you don't give a fuck if she says no. You escalate because you know you'll both really enjoy the sexual and physical experience you'll have together.

Here is a good video which explains more about this concept: Tyler from RSD - Congruence

With the type of mindset I've outlined here you will stop being in and out of state. Your state is solid because the backing mindset you have is always 100% part of you.

Hope this makes sense and I'll be happy to discuss more in the comments to further explain the idea if anybody is confused.

[–]Aeterne 10 points11 points12 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]warpcowboy 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MARSpu 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well it could also mean a ton of other shit. Freshman year of college was when I got the most pussy by far. It happened daily. It mainly happened because I stopped giving a fuck in all aspects of my life- didn't go to class often, didn't shower, didn't shave, didn't brush my teeth for weeks at a time, didn't wear clean clothes most of the time, and generally just didn't care.

It helped immensely with girls, because I brought that attitude along with me when I went out during the day, and especially at night. So I'd approach a girl and I'd be thinking "I'm gonna get my dick wet tonight- it might not be with this girl, but it's gonna happen." Total outcome-independence (with the specific girl at least).

The problem was that I had that same mindset in other areas of my life where it really wasn't beneficial (I don't go to that school anymore, if you catch my drift).

Where it did help though is in exactly what you said. I spent my whole life trying to conform to the crowd and seeking value from other people. When I stopped doing that, it's like all this weight was lifted off my shoulders and I became a totally different person. It's funny how girls don't seem to care about your physical attractiveness, as long as you're really confident, outgoing, and giving off the sort of vibe like you're just "playing" with them (which is exactly what I did, but I've evolved from that). As long as you're only taking this advice in that context (and maybe a few others), you're good. I think OP described it pretty well though.

[–]MARSpu 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Short answer would be yeah, totally.

It's more complicated though when it comes to the specific circumstances where you can implement the advice (kinda like what I said, and what you said). If you're using it as a reason to excuse yourself from approaching, that's the wrong way to use it. If you're using it to say "I'm gonna approach this girl, and then that girl, and then that girl over there because I don't give a fuck about what they think of me and I don't care if it works out or not," that's a healthier way to approach it.

When it comes to escalating, same thing. I don't give a fuck if I take it too far or too fast- I only give a fuck if I take it too slow. Though even then it's fine because I can find another girl and do the same thing. When you mix that sort of mindset together with some calibration, it turns into results.

[–][deleted] 14 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]Neko_monster 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

What I always say to people who use your approach is that yeah, it technically works (assuming you're not a loner). If you're happy with your current situation, keep doing it.

But what I do is I hook up with girls. I go out of my way to make it happen. I'm still gonna find that "right" girl, just like the guy who waits. But I'll find her much more quickly since I'm focusing on that, and I'll be finding a bunch of other girls too.

One of the main benefits is that I'm getting all sorts of experience. If you're waiting around and not getting any experience, you've probably been passed up by a million girls who would've been great for you, but simply weren't very attracted (or maybe you didn't approach/escalate in the first place, so you have no idea whether they would've been good for you or not). Eventually you'll probably find one who is, sure, but there's really no added benefit to waiting. Both strategies will (hopefully) get you the girl you want. In high school I was with a girl who was perfect for me, but I basically ruined the relationship by being too clingy and jealous (due to lack of experience). I'm not like that anymore, and the experiences I've had since then have all been totally under my control. I've had a handful of LTRs and they ended on my terms. I hook up with girls every week, I have some fuck buddies, and I'm meeting new girls all the time. I can't picture any alternate universe where "waiting for the right girl" is a better approach than mine.

The other issue with "being yourself" is the implied assumption that you're already talking to girls and doing the shit we talk about here. Whether you're doing it naturally or you have to learn it, you're still doing it.

One of the keys to seduction is escalation- you can either figure it out naturally, and/or you can learn all about it here and start incorporating it. Either way, zero escalation will get you zero girls, absolutely positively guaranteed. You need to escalate the interaction if you want it to lead to anything, no matter who the girl is, no matter how much she already likes you, no matter what. In other words, if the "yourself" you're being is the sort of guy who escalates, awesome- but that also means you're naturally incorporating some of the shit we talk about here. If you're not the sort of guy who escalates, being yourself isn't gonna work at all, until you change into the sort of guy who escalates. The same can be said for anything else you'll find here. If you can already build attraction and shit, then "yourself" is awesome. If you can't, you aint gonna do shit with girls.

Being "yourself" is wholly dependent on who that "self" is. If it's not a good "self," then it'd be the worst idea ever to just "be yourself." If that's the sort of advice I used at the start of college, I'd be the same guy I was in high school, and that would've been horrible. Luckily I forced myself to change my mindset and my habits, so now "myself" is an awesome guy. Change is required regardless- call it "growth" if that's a more comfortable term. I'm always growing and gaining new experiences, so I'm never the same person I was yesterday. That's a good thing.

I think "be yourself" would be better expressed as "be confident in yourself, accept yourself wholly for who you are as a person, and make sure you start doing the shit we talk about here if you're not already doing it."

[–]Neko_monster 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Which part of the concept? The gist of it is still relevant since it's all inner game (basically just confidence), but if you're talking about escalation, it could go either way. I personally prefer to take the lead- almost every time the girl takes it, it's because she's ugly/desperate/in high school/whatever. That's not always true, but I've seen it enough that I have to question the girl's motives whenever it happens. Unless I'm drunk, in which case nothing you do is really gonna turn me off if I'm already going after you.

Less-experienced guys will tell you the exact opposite- they want the girl to be more forward and take the lead. Problem is, I don't think they're speaking from any relevant experience. They just can't imagine themselves escalating, and they think they'll respond well if you escalate for them. When it actually happens though, ten bucks says they won't react the way they thought they would. In other words, you'd be dealing with the same sort of shit that guys usually deal with- which isn't really a big deal, but it'll be difficult to get used to, especially for a girl.

It's really hard for me to say though as a guy. "Skankier" girls are obviously more forward and shit, and I think it'd be a good idea to at least take some hints from them (the same way I'd take hints from a player/douchebag sort of guy- don't emulate it, but notice what they're doing right).

[–]Neko_monster 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]twoweeksofwildfire1 point 14 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]WolfInTheField 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, basically, except I think "natural game" has become some sort of concept in the community that's separate from what it's supposed to mean. In other words, natural game means to just be confident and do what you want. But in the community it means "We don't want to be lumped into the same category as Mystery, so we're gonna avoid talking about certain strategies and just tell you all about the mindset and shit like that"- which can totally work if you make sure to implement it, but otherwise it's really just words, in a lot of cases. You can't back up the words with much substance, because then you'd be deviating from "natural" game. It'd become "unnatural" by definition.

I think Wygant's the best guy to look at in terms of natural shit, because he's always avoided the community and he describes things in his own way (though a lot of it's really similar to what we talk about here, just reworded). Tyler's also a good guy to look at because he doesn't profess to use "natural" game, even though for the last however many years he's been focusing on inner game. He still remembers where he came from, so he can relate to most guys. And he knows where he's at now, so he can help people get there. The only problem with him is he doesn't really practice what he preaches. As of 2011 he's still only fucked something like 130 girls, which really isn't much. That's like 10 a year or something. I've been 2-3 times more proficient than that without even knowing what I was doing most of the time. He's still a good speaker/teacher though- probably better than anyone else in the community.

Bottom line: Real natural game is about doing whatever the fuck you want and not apologizing for anything. If it doesn't work, keep going and figure it out. Never question yourself.

The community's version of natural game is like- not natural game. It doesn't even make sense to call it that, because it becomes unnatural the second you start teaching it to other people. So I don't really trust the PUAs who make sure to tell you how "natural" they are. It's better to look at the guys who are sorta in between Mystery and the self-proclaimed "natural" proponents. So Tyler, Tim from RSD, maybe AFC Adam, Wygant, and guys like them are all good. A lot of people enjoy Mark Manson- I don't, for the reasons I mentioned above (he'd be one of those guys who sort of pushed himself away from Mystery so he could appeal to a wider market). But a lot of people like him, so I'd recommend him anyway.

[–]illusiveab 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]silencegold 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Saying "not giving a fuck"
Author	ge99
Upvotes	31
Comments	19
Date	October 31, 2011 12:37 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lulgo/saying_not_giving_a_fuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/saying-not-giving-a-fuck.1324475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324475

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