Need help with AA, kino, leading and being assertive and being confident about yourself? I have found a secret weapon.

wdnlng · 2011-09-15T17:44:04+00:00

I had my first lesson last Monday. It was great and OP is right on the money.

Itsatrapski · 2011-09-15T18:15:52+00:00

Upvotes for farting diamonds. And all the other stuff too I guess... :)

cpcallen · 2011-09-16T09:49:53+00:00

So, I've been dancing for... oh, about fifteen years, and I can confirm that basically everything that OP says is true. Certainly, of all the things I learned when I was in university, dance was the one which has had the biggest impact on my life in general, and my confidence around (and success with) women in particular.

I want to point out a few things, though, for people who may not be too familiar with social dance scenes:

The swing dance scene is not generally a pick-up scene. That is to say: though people do (frequently) end up meeting people they go on to date, most people are there primarily to dance, rather than to hook up. (I have been told that this is much less true of latin dance scenes, though I have no first-hand experience.)
- People who want to keep the scene comfortable and welcoming to new dancers will not appreciate you hitting on people overtly, and in most contexts kissing / grinding etc. on the dance floor is not really appropriate. Of course, you should be adept enough to find some place more private for such things anyway...
If you really get bitten by the dancing bug you will probably find that you don't really want to take non-dancers on a date to a social dance evening because you will want to dance with your many dancing friends and your date will not appreciate feeling neglected.
Because so much physical contact is a normal and expected part of dancing, it can be quite difficult to figure out who might be interested in you and who is merely friendly and enjoys dancing with you.
In many places, the local dance scene is quite small and even the international community of swing dancers is not really that large. Some people adopt a "I don't date people I work with" attitude, and many will notice if you're constantly hitting on / hooking up with other dancers (a friend of mine who is very successful with women has been described by other friends as a "man-slut"). I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with having such a reputation - indeed, it clearly works for him - but do be aware that people will know you and judge you by your reputation.
- I also know of a few guys who have a reputation of making women feel very uncomfortable on the dance floor, usually because of inappropriate/creepy comments or contact. Don't be that guy.
In part because of this, dancers I know are quite discrete about their relationships. Many people you meet will already have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but (unlike in many other social contexts) it probably won't be obvious. I've often know both halves of a couple for several months before realising that they were together - and, in one case, married!
Be aware that the confidence and the comfort approaching, leading, and initiating physical contact that you will gain from learning to dance will not necessarily carry over fully once you leave the dance hall. To be sure: I am in general much more confident and comfortable with women than I used to be, but I still regularly kick myself for not approaching women in day-to-day contexts that I would not have hesitated for an instant to approach at a dance.

So, would I recommend learning to dance? Yes, absolutely. It's done wonders for me and many people I know. Virtually everyone I've dated in the last four years has been someone I met through dancing. Additionally, I've met many wonderful friends and travelled all over Europe because of it. It has brought me untold happiness. But...

TL;DR: Be aware that it's not a magic solution to all your problems with women.

ge99 · 2011-09-15T18:45:36+00:00

I agree with almost all of these points. You have to approach, you have to touch, make eye contact, make conversation etc.

I found that most women did not enjoy dancing with me because I'm a really shitty dancer, but it was a great exercise nonetheless. I am not very coordinated but maybe with some practice I'll get the hang of it?

ge99 · 2011-09-15T17:12:11+00:00

Crap, can't edit the title? Oopsie about the double ands.

sparklyteenvampire · 2011-09-15T20:10:03+00:00

I can vouch for this, but may I suggest salsa or tango lessons instead? Girls fucking lose their minds when you bust out some salsa moves.

Thaddaeus · 2011-09-15T18:30:55+00:00

I love swing dancing and OP is correct it makes day 2's super easy! What girl wouldn't want to come swing dancing?

okaynipuna · 2011-09-15T20:11:26+00:00

I've been swing dancing for 5 years now. Sadly, I'm on an engineering campus so the guy/girl ratio is almost flipped. Still, the sexiest encounters I've had with strangers is swing dancing. That holds double if you get into Blues dancing from there.

ge99 · 2011-09-15T19:32:20+00:00

What's the age range? Are you in a group specifically for people around your age (or a college club) or are you at general swing dancing lessons that just happen to have a lot of younger girls?

dumblederp · 2011-09-16T04:23:39+00:00

I agree with everything except that SALSA dancing is much more about sex.

acconrad · 2011-09-15T18:09:05+00:00

Any reason you prefer swing over other lessons?

Chrono803 · 2011-09-15T21:56:02+00:00

Awesome! Now I just need to get out there and actually go to the first class :p

PhysicalEd · 2011-09-16T05:07:09+00:00

Not only swing dancing though, any form of ballroom.

There's a club at my university that's doing free lessons and we've covered Cha Cha, Jive, Waltz, Quickstep, Tango, etc.

If you can find anything like that around you, go!

seddit_throwaway1500 · 2011-09-16T05:14:24+00:00

Dance classes are great for improving yourself, having fun and meeting new people. I started with salsa dancing and have done that more than swing dancing, but their respective communities are totally different. I must say that swing dancing feels far more welcoming and open at times.

redditorfor16days · 2011-09-16T12:25:48+00:00

i would recommend ANY dance classes, because it puts you in contact with women in a manufactured environment where your value is really high due to the male/female ratio. also, if you're a younger guy, you may be around somewhat older women, who will likely treat you very well, which helps with how you perceive your relationship to women.

even outside the realm of seduction, i recommend it to young guys who feel bad about themselves or lack confidence.

quintin3265 · 2011-09-18T01:18:56+00:00

I disagree with this post.

Where are you dancing that the ratio is 2:1 follows to leads? I've never been to a swing dance lesson where there were more follows than leads.

I used to swing dance for three years, and got pretty good at it. But I quit because the ratio become so bad that that "pickup" atmosphere that I hate came up - like you would see in a bar. I spent half of the time standing around because all the follows were already "taken." Whenever a girl was available, someone else would usually ask her to dance before I could even start walking towards her. Generally, we would start a four-month series of lessons with even genders, but after two weeks the ratio would approach 1:2 or 1:3.

As to getting over anxiety, even after years I was never able to get over anxiety. I still got very anxious when dancing even at the end. I think the issue with swing dancing is that men have to spend a lot of mental effort thinking about the next move, whereas women can follow almost anything as long as they have the right amount of tension (most women didn't). The woman doesn't stop dancing and say "Let's do this move instead." It is extremely draining to always have to be the leader.

I might try it again if the ratio of follows to leads was at most 1:1.5, which is why I'm curious to find out where you dance with such an opposite ratio balance.

phazei · 2011-09-16T05:56:33+00:00

Heh, well, I've been swing dancing for about 7months now. Started taking a lot of classes, east coast, lindy hop, charleston (20's & 40's), balboa, shag, blues, even some west coast, and am learning some cool tricks. I'm not great, but I'm pretty good.

Now as far as women go, I can only say the ratio is just as shit as the rest of Vegas, and nearly all the women are taken. Since it's social dancing, they'll dance with you regardless and it's really fun. The scene here is just too small, only one place once a week mostly the same people, and one other monthly event. I did visit another city with a much bigger scene, and it would be fine there.

I just wish there were something redeeming in Vegas... :/

Single 2 years and counting, sigh.

WolfInTheField · 2011-09-16T00:40:59+00:00

Fuck. I already got told I needed dance classes. I'm afraid this is on the list now.

2011-09-16T02:29:07+00:00

starting salsa again when i get back to uni. Not only all the above things but it's fun too.

atrain714 · 2011-09-16T04:31:53+00:00

been doing this too, at a country bar that does about 3 line dancing songs, 3 swing dance songs, and 3 two-step dances. All are money

corneliusvanderbilt · 2011-09-16T05:07:50+00:00

Does anyone know where I can find good classes in NYC? Had an employee tell me about this today and I was planning on checking it out, but now I'm going to make it a priority.

Logar · 2011-09-16T08:28:46+00:00

Just finished two lessons of Argentinian Tango and I swear my posture has improved, if only ever so slightly. And god, how I love touching women! And yes, despite it only being two lessons so far I've become slightly more familiar with the feeling of physically leading a woman some place. I'm experimenting to see how all this translates into the real world though. In fact I have a date tonight so we'll see :)

joazito · 2011-09-16T12:20:34+00:00

The one time I tried this, years go, there was a deficit of women - for the first time in that school's history I might add. I ended up having to wait for a partner to become available. I learned nothing.

choc_is_back · 2011-09-16T15:21:41+00:00

Haha, great! I love the enthousiasm pooring out of your writing :-)

Salsa classes are pretty great for this too, for all the same reasons and maybe one extra that it is a bit 'exotic'.

Also I think there's more salsa courses than swing courses in most cities, so there you go guys, if there's no swing course nearby you know what to do.

Reaganometry · 2011-09-19T19:17:17+00:00

I've had a similar experience with Salsa dancing. I don't even go there to meet people, it's just a great way to overcome anxiety and just plain gain confidence. It's hard to feel down on yourself if you're dancing with 4-5 women on a regular basis.

cody_au · 2011-09-16T06:15:42+00:00

Yeah, because instead of addressing problems face on, it's better to do time consuming, roundabout things that don't address your problems but may (but more likely won't) address your problems. Or hey, just say, "This is awesome, I'm totally going to do this!" and then not actually do it because you can't find/afford/bother going to dance lessons, AND not do anything to directly address your problems either. Success!

We went through all of this stuff in 2003. I feel like I'm reading the online equivalent of non stop get-rich-quick or get-thin-fast dieting schemes here. Avoidance is not the way to get healthy.

Title	Need help with AA, kino, leading and being assertive and being confident about yourself? I have found a secret weapon.
Author	ge99
Upvotes	137
Comments	70
Date	September 15, 2011 5:11 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kgorw/need_help_with_aa_kino_leading_and_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-help-with-aa-kino-leading-and-being-assertive.1322545 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322545

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