Seduction and long term relationships

seddit_throwaway1010 · 2010-12-22T18:38:08+00:00

10 years married, been on seddit a couple months, always been the nice guy. I've read through magic bullets and what every body is saying. Seduction is important in a ltr.

Learning about body language has been incredible. For the first time in 10 years I've actually got a chance of understanding my wifes unspoken concerns and desires. Until now I've always relied on her words to figure out what she is thinking. Words are still important but this new tool is huge. I now know when she is actually paying attention to me and when she would rather do something else. I'm more aware of when I say something that bothers her. I even know when she is thinking about kissing me. I've never been good at reading body language so this is a huge bonus.

What's missing in many ltr's is sexual tension. Why would there be tension when she knows I would sleep with her at any time? What sucks is with no tension the desire to be intimate goes away. This is the push-pull thing you all talk about. I've started to do little things to help keep her interested, like ending the kiss first. Sometimes when she tries to kiss me I'll just brush her lips and pull away, then move in again but just barely touch her before pulling away. It's fun to see her leaning in to try to catch me and sometimes get frustrated and just grab my head and pull me in. Up until now I was always ready and willing to kiss, even wanting it. She'd peck me, often on the cheek, and move on and I was left wanting. Now I get to tease her and she is left chasing me. That's very refreshing.

ispuanecessary · 2010-12-22T12:43:44+00:00

Like it or not, a relationship (of any kind) has always a "struggle for power" in the background. That means you always have to be on guard: it's something you can't avoid unless you're willing to hand all your power of control to the other party (whom might use it for good or not).

We, as men of the current times, are very keen on handing over this power as soon as possible - maybe because we've been thought to do so by society as a whole from an early age... talk to these guys for some information about the topic. Women, on the other side, enjoy to have this power very much and are and have historically been always on the look to have more and more.

Playing this game of power doesn't equates to "being a jerk all the time". On the other hand, we have to fight the urge of doing nice things for the woman we like: she has to earn it. It always has to be a bargain - never hand something over for free. If she does something nice for you, you do something nice for her. Anything else shifts the balance towards one of the actors and that's not good for any healthy relationship.

If you shower her with compliments and gifts she will be expecting those and will start to take you for granted. If you're a jerk to her even when she doesn't deserve it then (if she buys on that) you're basically abusing her. Neither of those are good things. The key is balance.

leevs11 · 2010-12-22T18:58:56+00:00

The bottom line of seduction is figuring out how to better yourself to be more attractive to others. The main thing that game teaches is that you have to be confident to be attractive.

When you get into a ltr, you still have to be attractive if you want to have a sex life and keep her from having a sex life with someone else.

Think of it this way, women get into relationships and sometimes let them selves go physically by getting fat, not wearing makeup, being a slob...

Men sometimes do the same thing but usually not as much physically, they stop trying to attract the wife, they stop acting confident, they let the woman get away with anything, they basically stop doing all of the things that got the woman interested in the first place.

This is why you need game for your whole life. The point is that you are learning something you missed out on as a kid. You missed out on learning how to be a man and had to read about it on the internet later in life.

Game is not some sort of trick to be played on women, it is completely about your life and your actions and living confidently with who you are.

So if you act like a man in the first place to meet a woman, you will need to continue to be a man if you want to have a relationship with that woman.

the-breeze · 2010-12-22T15:03:35+00:00

If you've got something that's working for you, keep going with it. That's the whole point. It's about figuring out what works for you and then doing more of that. Reggie Miller had a strange looking shot, but he managed to get it in the bucket. Maybe you're Reggie Miller.

huyvanbin · 2010-12-22T16:21:30+00:00

I think it's because for people who are sufficiently hopeless, a switch needs to get flipped so they start acting like normal people, and apparently these "PUA" tactics flip that switch for some.

But please share: How do you do sweet things for girls without turning them off? How do you get anywhere by just being polite and so forth? This could be valuable insight.

PhiLLyinDaLLaS · 2010-12-22T16:40:23+00:00

Like random guy said, it's all about balance. I've had several LTR, the first 2 I wound up ending because I lost interest. The third, I fell in love hard and tried to be overly nice. Shit just blew up in my face. We broke up, I went back into "single mode" and within 3 months she wanted me back.

When she's good, reward her (start small...you start big, they expect bigger rewards). She does something bad, punish her.

IcarusLives · 2010-12-22T21:09:34+00:00

Check out No More Mr. Nice Guy, it might help you quite a bit in your situation.

Affectionado · 2010-12-24T11:44:11+00:00

holy shit is this a refreshing post to read!

Your explaining a whole point ive been trying to get at for a while and quite frankly it wouldnt surprise me if seddit never got it. While i dont necessarily need to fill my life with sex i dont feel like im automaticlly an insecure loser just because i dont want to be a douche and instead treat women nice. If anything seddit seems to be for people who want an easy/quick lay and im sure for some thats in fact all they need.

The negative responses here to being genuine, honest and just a good person to be around for anyone (guy or girl) only support the fact that being a dick and being an 'alpha male' (total bro' move) are the only way to attract women and IMHO thats not true. Big up to you my friend!

advicemcadvice · 2010-12-22T10:44:26+00:00

I'm a girl and I'm just hanging out in Seddit to see what's up. I find this whole place creepy and depressing so I guess I'm just trying to give it a try. This is the question that I find the most difficult to answer: how do you reconcile seduction with a real relationship as your real self? It seems ultimately to be based on this projection of the alpha you want to be and the HB you want her to be.

So I hope you get some answers.

codewarriornc · 2010-12-22T22:46:19+00:00

Well there's a difference between supplication and being a gentleman. The trick is knowing the difference.

Title	Seduction and long term relationships
Author	ispuanecessary
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	December 22, 2010 9:23 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ept7c/seduction_and_long_term_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seduction-and-long-term-relationships.1313862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313862

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