Settling down

4025808 · 2025-03-02T05:30:21+00:00

Once you've had seen enough you'll see through their bullshit, and your tolerance for bullshit goes lower. It's gonna get you jaded faster but you still gotta keep searching for that rough diamond in the mines. Keep at it man

Dandys3107 · 2025-03-02T07:54:38+00:00

Getting addicted to thrill of the chase is surely a thing. Generally, you need to spend more time with a girl for the proper hormones of bonding to activate. Also, I would suggest not to look for a divine quality, good life and sexual partner is already a rare opportunity.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-03-02T15:57:52+00:00

You may be tired of "the game." At least that is how it got with me. Over time, I found the PUA subculture kind of cult-y and stupid. But some aspects were fine like working on your best self and gaining confidence. Ultimately, I did not really care for treating relationships like a video game with the ultimate goal of just having sex. I know this is a "seduction" community and all, though at least in my experiences I need more than just winning the dating hoops game and getting laid.

In my 20s I did enjoy the rush of "game/player" days for a few years and studied the old "tricks" by Mystery and the many imitators building off that blueprint. The urges in my 30s considerably died down towards I guess what would be considered settling down to where I find a woman whom I really love, respect and connect with to trump just someone I can have wild and memorable sex with. I am now single for the first time in several years and the hook ups/game just aren't a priority anymore. But building confidence back and brushing up on communication is something I could work on. Maybe in your case you just need a good woman who is more than a trophy for playing the game right.

Prestigious_Water336 · 2025-03-02T05:38:34+00:00

You have nothing in common other than you both wanna have a hookup/same day sex. That's why they never last.

You need to find a common bond that you two have.

And most quality people don't meet and bang the same day.

Look elsewhere besides bars and clubs for women. Unless you just want a one night stand.

becomesharp · 2025-03-02T06:06:24+00:00

I wouldn't call myself an ex-player but I've been around a while and have met and settled down with "The One." I'm one of the old school guys who did an AMA here like 15 years ago.

You could be getting bored because of the thrill of the chase, but you could also just not be meeting the one.

Two ways that might help you tell:

When you first meet the girl, are you almost immediately smitten, like holy shit i cant believe someone like you exists? It feels like back in the day before you ever started approaching when you got a crush on a girl. She feels perfect. That's what meeting "the one" feels like, even if you've done thousands of approaches and have a lot of experience.
What i have my students do is make a list of all of the must-have characteristics they want in a partner along with a list of must-not-have dealbreakers. Looking at that list, you can pretty easily tell if the woman you're seeing is kind of meh or otherwise not The One.

I tell all of my guys, don't settle down with a girl you're not extremely excited about (and who meets the criteria and values you want). Because you will 100% regret it in the future. I'm in my 40s now and I have seen it time and time again with my peers and friends. Almost everyone regrets that decision.

bmcapers · 2025-03-02T06:25:44+00:00

I’d recommend therapy, tbh.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-03-02T07:16:02+00:00

What is your goal with a relationship? It seems your primary goal is to have excitement and not be bored. If you date a crazy latina - i can assure you, you won't be bored. But is "not boredom" a good goal? Because if it is - find a really crazy / toxic lady.

I think it's better to reframe what you're looking to get out of a relationship. Constant excitement is not what a healthy relationship is good for. It's the opposite. A healthy relationship is usually calm and relaxing. Can you find that enjoyable? Maybe you can find your excitement elsewhere - like to base jumping or something. There are many ways to get "not boredom" from other sources than the relationship.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2025-03-02T11:57:28+00:00

Do what makes you happy and feel free.

therealwoujo · 2025-03-02T16:21:43+00:00

A few things:

You are addicted to the novelty and challenge of getting a new girl

You are deeply insecure, so you think if a girl likes you something is wrong with her, so you lose interest once a girl likes you.

You subconsciously see yourself as the less powerful person in the relationship seeking the more powerful persons acceptance, so when you get the position of power you lose interest because you are no longer comfortable in the power dynamic.

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-03-06T12:35:46+00:00

I’m 36 and dunno how I’ll ever do it

The issue is it’s in your DNA to spread your seed. Biologically men are not designed to settle down you’ll always have that drive. So take that for what it’s worth

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-03-02T05:58:54+00:00

"The one" doesn't exist. You will have to invest in your partner to make them "the one"

This investment skillset is different from what you learn in pickup, which is only applicable up to the honeymoon phase. After that, maintaining the relationship is a different thing.

I will have a post on how to do so soon. It also requires modification to the way you approach pickup

Title	Settling down
Author	Hutrookie69
Upvotes	5
Comments	51
Date	March 2, 2025 5:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j1jkay/settling_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/settling-down.1545379 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545379

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