Should I start hiring dating coaches?

pdx-Psych · 2024-07-22T00:10:03+00:00

I can’t possibly comprehend what a dating coach would tell you for $2,000 USD that you wouldn’t hear here for free or in a $16 book. “Make more approaches.” But to be fair, I’ve never hired one so maybe they’re secretly based.

It’s ok to fuck up when you’re learning how to flirt with women. It’s ok to fuck up at anything when you are learning. You’ll be fine, spend the money on something fun that you can tell a girl you did, or meet one at. Keep trying. Remember what works and what doesn’t. Ask specific questions from the community when necessary. Read what others have learned that works. Make more approaches.

DaygameCode · 2024-07-22T14:45:01+00:00

I'm a Daygame (Cold approach) coach, and the reason you should hire a coach is not because the coach will give you better methods than what you can find online for free.

The first problem is that there is too much conflicting and contradictory pick up and dating advice, so while you may be able to find advice for free, how do you filter between the good and the bad advice? You would need to try it all (which is a lot), face multiple rejections and it takes a lot of time. A good coach who knows what he is talking about will shorten the path and get you results much quicker than if you were to do it all on your own and avoid a lot of pain.
The second problem of doing things on your own is that while you may find a lot of theory and solid advice out there, you may still not put into practice. You will continuously read more and more theory because anxiety will always think you need more and more theory before you are ready to take action. A coach will approach women with you and be your wingman, there will be no excuses to avoid approaching as he will even drag you if necessary to approach a woman or introduce you to her. This can help tremendously to those who lack the willpower to take action no matter how much theory and free advice they consumed.
The third problem is that many times you don't know what you may be doing wrong during your approaches. You may think you are doing everything "correctly" according to the theory due to your own bias. But a coach will be able to notice the "small" details that make all the difference between success and failure with women. He will notice areas for improvement and explain you with precision why they need improvement and give you a plan to improve them. He will give you personalised custom advice to apply the theory correctly according to each specific situation something which you may not be able to do on your own due to your own lack of understanding the theory or how to apply correctly.
The last problem is that you may be tempted to give up if you don't get immediate results, a coach will help you cope and manage your emotions after failures giving you constructive feedback and positivity, that shifts the focus on improving your skills avoiding the negative self-talk and depression that comes from the initial stages of training with little to no initial success.

These are the main reasons why you should hire a coach if you can afford it.

Obviously, not everyone has to see the worth in that, and some people will think it's better to do things on their own either because they believe they can do it without any help or because they prioritize getting free stuff more, than getting actual good results. Some simply may hate the lack of guarantees and expect miracles and immediate sex on their first approach and never getting rejected again, despite being virgins and having absolutely no experience talking to women. And very few are entitled immature brats who think the world owes them a ferrari for free and that everyone should dedicate their time to fix their entire life for nothing in return, like some type of charity.

Coaching is for those who are confident they can easily make the money back and thus, they prioritize results, value, and help from experienced people who will keep them accountable and get the results they seek. It's the same reason why there are fitness coaches despite the fact that every exercise can be found for free on Youtube.

Actors simply pay a coach to get ready for their role in action movies instead of browsing through tutorials or doing things on their own because they need someone to keep the accountable, motivated, guide them through the proper form and nutrition to get the results they want fast and effectively.

You could argue but “my mate could help me do this”:

A mate could help assuming they know what they are talking about otherwise it’s like the blind leading the blind.
Does the mate have a good track record picking up women? Probably not.
Does he understand women and can he teach you to replicate his good results assuming he has them? Probably not.
Do they have the time to go with you to cold approach women consistently which is key to improve? Probably not.
Can the mate actually point out with precision and accuracy what your mistakes are? I’d say no.
Does the mate know how to give you a detailed action plan to fix and improve certain specific areas you may need? Probably not.

But if he does and is willing to do it for free, great, you are lucky and should definitely do it. But if you are here I’m betting you don’t have a mate that ticks all those boxes.

MyUsername0_0 · 2024-07-22T05:46:47+00:00

That thing that people don't understand is that just because you pay a coach that does not mean you will get good results.

You could honestly do it for free but its similar to people who pay for personal trainers. They hold you accountable and could be beneficial.

I did have a friend who payed like 4-5k USD for a RSD bootcamp and they only focused on mass approaching women and it didn't help him at all.

So I would figure out exactly what you need help with and try to get knowledge for free online first before you decide to spend money on it.

When I was getting numbers and IGs but no dates it was because I didn't build enough attraction in the interaction or I wasn't leading the interactions.

Don't get numbers and IGs just to get them. Get them because you have a plan to meet up with a girl later. "hey we should get drinks another day, let me get your number", "we should work out together" etc.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2024-07-22T01:57:14+00:00

I went for a free session once and honestly i didnt see the point of it. I was in therapy and she basically told me the same thing the therapist tells me. Go out and talk to people. The inly difference is that the coach can be more straight up with you and give you ideas as the coach arent held to the same legal standards as therapists.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-07-22T02:34:51+00:00

Would.you pay a bum living run a cardboard box under a bridge to give you a financial advice?

No-Preference8767 · 2024-07-22T09:55:45+00:00

You should be able to learn from free sources online. If you're not able to understand or properly interpret free online stuff after extended research then just get coaching. ( At least 50 hours plus of research )

They're not going to tell you anything profound but they'll hold your hand and give you more personal advice in a language you can understand. If you do mastermind groups , they'll literally tell you what to say over text as well.

Captain_w00t · 2024-07-22T11:57:41+00:00

If you have 2-3k budget, then there are better ways to spend that money:

professional therapy
travels
books
gym
self grooming (clothes, hairs, …)

According to your answers, you just putting a relatively low effort like approaching in gyms (which is wrong 99% of times, unless you meet someone organically) and online (which isn’t real life at all).

Going out, living your best life, learning from mistakes (which are the best way to learn) and going forward.

Paying a dude of which you barely know nothing to teach something that can be learned with some practice and some theory that you can find online for free and in books for 10-30$

Even if a guy is successful with girls, it doesn’t mean he can teach you something useful. Sometimes he doesn’t even know why/how he has success (like the survivor bias).

Also, real coaching should happen in real life, if what they do is just talking or giving you articles and videos is just a waste of money. For listening/talking there are therapists, for articles and videos there are Amazon and YouTube.

There isn’t a magic wand or a shortcut to this: you need to go out, in the appropriate places, and meet as many people as you can. You’ll train your social skills, grow your connections. Doing activities will improve your self confidence, etc…

The result is not to find sex or a girlfriend, it’s all about improving yourself to the point you become enough attractive to yourself and to others as a consequence.

Independent-Crew-723 · 2024-07-22T15:25:05+00:00

MouseAware809 · 2024-07-22T17:54:45+00:00

Even if a coach does amazing things whilst you are under their "Training", remember you have them whispering in your ear. Sooner or later, you will not have them whispering in your ear and the same beliefs, doubts and excuses will start kicking in.

The only thing I will recommend is Hypnoticas Collection of Confidence. It is less than 100 bucks. However you will need to leave your comfort zone and there is no hand holding.

When I went through this course, the third exercise is to do a lot of approaching. Not to pull or anything but just to speak to a stranger and eject. This teaches you that the world will not end. By the end of the week doing this and listening to the hypnosis (each exercise has a hypnosis track), I could just walk upto women and say "Hello" that would be enough to get their attention.

Unfortunately after doing this course, I got made redundant and my life got turned upside down. I really do need to revisit this course.

As for the other Coaches out there, I dunno, what exactly will they teach you really? There is only so much that can be taught, the rest is going out and taking action.

I could give you a 2 hour (I am not a coach) lesson on Kino like any coach could, but really, so what. What use is that unless you go out and apply it. I mean if you want to be an armchair PUA, then yeah I guess it would help.

BloodMuffin · 2024-07-22T22:49:30+00:00

To withhold knowledge for profit is heresy.

regular_womanizer · 2024-07-23T17:08:53+00:00

It’s so sad people even get to this point. Makes me wonder if I even deserve all the fun had womanizing when dudes are this downbad.

Overall-Macaron-8466 · 2024-07-24T03:45:21+00:00

Title	Should I start hiring dating coaches?
Author	Last_Consequence2760
Upvotes	7
Comments	29
Date	July 21, 2024 11:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e909sz/should_i_start_hiring_dating_coaches/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-start-hiring-dating-coaches.1524946 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524946

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