Shy Girls: How do you escalate them?

chL41 · 2015-03-28T23:27:34+00:00

sometimes it just takes a bit more time.

ruhri · 2015-03-29T02:32:03+00:00

I dated a girl for 3 years who was like this. A few thoughts based on personal experience. Just keep building rapport. Build rapport like crazy. Build rapport until she becomes the chatter box that she probably is around her family and closest friends. Continue showing your interest with tiny playful kino things and testing the waters every now and then like you are doing. Just calibrate yourself with her. I remember with my ex that in the beginning it was a lot more effective to playfully use touch like pokes, shoulder bumps or get her to let me do a funny palm reading for her than it was to to try and grab her hand out of the blue. Sometimes it's the small and innocent kino displays that make the most impact. She might be the type of girl who is nervous to hold hands or kiss to quickly, but she'll get weak in the knees and her heart will secretly flutter if you casually pick a tiny speck of dust out of her hair. As long as you're paying attention to her body language, you should be able to tell whether or not she's into you, even if she's being shy. If she's genuinely a shy person or hasn't had much dating experience, this process is probably going to be slow and you are going to have to be patient, but if it lands you in a great relationship with a fantastic girlfriend it'll be worth your time. Just hang out with her and have fun. Best of luck.

caesarfecit · 2015-03-29T02:44:02+00:00

The problem with shy girls is the higher their buying temperature (investment/arousal) goes, the more anxious they get. If you're not careful, this anxiety becomes creepiness in her mind and it's all downhill from there.

The way you can tell when you're out of that danger zone is when this anxiety works for you, with her chasing you. You get this by being outcome independent and fun, and only arousing her just enough to give her room to reciprocate. Then any sexual attention you give her is validation of her own arousal rather than you projecting it on to her.

The key is remembering that the outcome independence actually makes her more unsure of your interest than something like a disqualifier or a neg. Actively demonstrating your non-neediness risks signalling how invested you are. But depending on how impulsive she is, you'll need to have a little engagement to hold her attention.

So anyway, with shy girls the trick is be cool and outcome independent, this lowers their guard. Then give her focused attention and just enough kino to break the touch barrier. Then go back to playing it cool and unjudgemental, to the point of but not indifferent (polite interest at most but not much more). That's the type of push-pull you use to get her chasing you, then you escalate the level of sexual attention, as remembering not to tip your hand, but letting her come to you.

With a more sexually open girl, your escalations need to be more polarizing/vulnerable and less passive. But the key, like classic Mystery, is to end it first and leave her wondering and wanting more.

The key is not signalling too much investment (the opposite of outcome independence), and keeping her chasing you rather than her, she can run faster than you so to speak, emotionally.

The__Pseudonym · 2015-03-28T23:28:41+00:00

You should probably repost this into /r/askseddit . It'll be better received there.

c00kiecutter · 2015-03-28T23:39:06+00:00

Any tips/suggestions to escalate and make her comfortable?

Exactly this. Build enough comfort first before you escalate.

raz2112 · 2015-03-29T11:25:06+00:00

My girlfriend was like this for the first dates. It was super hard and sometimes I tried to give up because she just didn't really gave back what I gave her. When I stroke her, she didn't stroked back for example. But this has gone away in a few weeks while having some dates and now we are in a relationship since then. She is still shy sometimes and has many thoughts but I always try to show her that she can trust me and sometimes you just have to guide her (especially when it comes to Sex).

NewShoulderNeeded · 2015-03-29T00:27:13+00:00

You're gonna be in for an emotional rollercoaster. I dated someone like that after a while she did open up a lot after sometime, she never let herself go enough to be loved. Everyone's different though, hopefully things work out for you guys.

thekidbass · 2015-03-29T12:39:42+00:00

Its all about being comfortable. Emotional arousal is one of the best ways to do so. When I go on dates, I of course escalate using kino, but I start with emotional arousal first. From my view, emotions are where many problems/solutions arise. When you feel comfortable/happy/sexy then escalation can arise. You have to get to know her and what makes her emotions aroused. People love the feeling of really knowing someone in such a short span hence the "I feel like i've known you forever".

In short, arouse her emotions.

Fawkitiwillkeep · 2015-03-29T04:08:24+00:00

I don't know how old you or her are but I'm guessing shes a virgin considering she used the word 'innocent'.

hcarguy · 2015-03-29T07:10:41+00:00

fhritp

Make3 · 2015-03-29T08:45:43+00:00

trust

puffymik3 · 2015-03-29T18:19:04+00:00

From my experience, there's no real easy shortcut. Shy girls are only shy with new things. The more you spend time with her, the more she'll open up. If you try to rush it, she'll pull away. The best way to do it is to be as comfortable and relaxed as you can be, and she'll mirror you

justinloh33 · 2015-04-28T03:26:52+00:00

Better do an update post OP, I'm very keen to know what happens.

StackDeezNuts · 2015-03-29T04:05:13+00:00

gently.

fukuthatswhy88 · 2015-03-29T15:38:40+00:00

sounds like shes not all that into you, possibly a flake on that second date.

escher1 · 2015-03-28T23:42:19+00:00

make the ho' say no'

keep escalating until you get a no or stop / don't

squishyburger · 2015-03-29T01:18:16+00:00

Sounds like she either wants you to be really dominant and like rage smooch her or she really wants you to be a complete gentleman and like hold doors for her and stuff. Could go either way, best of luck.

kirashira · 2015-03-29T04:13:51+00:00

Alcohol. Have a few drinks first and you'll both be a lot more open.

Walt- · 2015-03-29T13:56:39+00:00

She has a tattoo. She's faking the innocent, shy image. 100%.

themindiseverything0 · 2015-03-29T01:21:22+00:00

high chance that she is a virgin, that prob not what you want anyway, be nice and leave or keep as a friend

Title	Shy Girls: How do you escalate them?
Author	superbear
Upvotes	117
Comments	48
Date	March 28, 2015 10:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/30n5db/shy_girls_how_do_you_escalate_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/shy-girls-how-do-you-escalate-them.1385950 https://theredarchive.com/post/1385950

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