Testing the waters...

2021-12-07T14:07:14+00:00

Just flirt don’t take life so seriously bruv

Apo_1011 · 2021-12-07T12:02:48+00:00

I think that the chances of you getting hurt in this relationship are very high. If she knocks you out of your socks try to find out her level of interest first as to not strain the relationship, but the risk of rejection is super high. In all honesty, I would friendzone her if I was you.

In my experience, the risk you take is too high if she is part of your closest friends since you risk losing her friendship altogether.

If there is no connection and she is only a friend of a friend where you could offend somebody by approaching directly, I would still approach directly and with clear intention, as it's more honest and people will accept that more easily than bursting out the "I love you" after knowing each other for months.

A little tip from myself is that I have some rules that I strictly apply: 1) No dating in the closed friend circle. 2) No dating at work/class with close colleagues. 3) No dating girls that I don't find attractive. 3b) No shotgun approach. Only approach girls that are my type.

This makes it so that I friend zone all the other girls even if they try to make something happen and it helped me tremendously to have a good image and a lot of amazing people in my life.

TheTruth221 · 2021-12-07T13:17:45+00:00

go all in out or dont

no water to be tested

storefront · 2021-12-07T11:33:37+00:00

I am a firm believer in testing the waters pretty much as you described it in your last few sentences. It allows you to figure out what you’re getting into and also gives you plausible deniability if it looks like things aren’t going well. Worst case scenario is that you get to know someone. It’ll also save you the trouble of having the reputation of being the guy that hits on everyone. Measure twice, cut once.

norwegiandoggo · 2021-12-07T12:26:10+00:00

If you want to test the waters you should have a clear test outcome you're looking for. Otherwise you might be looking for signs forever.

ksmith11011 · 2021-12-07T12:46:37+00:00

The rule with friends is to just let them come to you. Don’t read into signals, don’t make moves, especially don’t “test the waters”. That’s the worst thing you could do. Just sit back and enjoy her flirtatious energy. If she breaks down and confesses her feelings towards you then go for it.

RPslimjim · 2021-12-07T14:21:16+00:00

If you aren’t her boyfriend then you’re her girlfriend. You need to be fully okay with losing this girl as a “friend”. If not don’t try to rest the waters.

Chad_Thundermember · 2021-12-07T16:17:42+00:00

If you lust after a girl, she'll know it from the fist five seconds of meeting her. There is no use hiding it. If you've been friends with her for a long time and you have been romantically interested in her since the beginning, she has known it all along. At that point, you are nothing more than just another beta orbiter.

That's the beauty of seduction. You don't mess around. You engage a girl into a sexual or romantic relationship from the moment you set your eyes on her, and at some point she either accepts you or rejects you. The process may take a day, a week, or a month depending on cultural expectations, but unlike a beta orbiter, you don't mess around.

I'm beta orbiting a certain girl right now and I'm just glad she is very affectionate towards me on key moments. Something to keep me coming for more. She does it effortlessly and her and I are aware of the whole dynamic. But I know (and she knows) that as soon as she gets into a serious romantic relationship, I will walk away the opposite direction and won't ever come back. That's how a healthy beta orbiter attitude is. You're not her pet dog. You're her pet cat who can walk away if he wants. And unless you're capable of that kind of self-honesty, do not ever engage into a beta-orbiter relationship.

Woujo · 2021-12-07T17:14:34+00:00

You should always be direct, and the fact that you are in this position in the first place means you fucked up.

But if you want to "test the waters" you do it like this: you make a joke about how you would like to date her, but you can't. That way, you become a challenge and you don't put pressure on her to feel like you want her. So for example, you would say "Kelly, I think we'd be a cute couple but I don't think I could handle your craziness." Or something. That will make her argue that she is not crazy, essentially arguing that she should date you.

1youngstud4u · 2021-12-08T01:41:27+00:00

Been here before... there's no way to be friends if you love her... the odds of that are low and your going to keep hurting yourself because you'll be in the friendzone for life and picking up her pieces after every guy but you'll never get a chance to be more than friends.

If she's not into you but you are into her... my advice move on and save yourself lots of sleepless nights, blood pressure pills and possibly depression.

Have a conversation with her sooner rather than later when the mood is right. The longer you prolong the deeper in the friendzone you will be.

Known_Guarantee4493 · 2021-12-08T06:32:14+00:00

Why do you think she’d be offended or you’d establish a poor reputation? What would you do that’s offensive or that people would look down upon? Act on your feelings? If people look down on you for acting on your feelings you shouldn’t sweat about gaining their approval or keeping them as friends, those people suck. Or maybe the threat you’re scared of doesn’t really exist.

I do understand the fear of losing a friend but I guess you’ve gotta ask yourself a few questions:

1) What would you regret more: never taking a risk to go after what you want or taking the risk and (potentially) losing a friend.

2) How long have you been friends? If it’s been a long time chances are she may not be interested. BUT, chances are she’d be willing to remain friends after you make a move, as long as you don’t have an angry outburst if she rebuffs you. (I’ve been hearing about guys professing their feelings to friends and when it doesn’t go well they say some shitty things, don’t be that guy.)

This happened to my cousin recently and she gave the guy a chance. It didn’t end up working out but I think it’s because the guy continued to act like a friend, he wasn’t flirty and didn’t really treat her like a romantic interest.

If you’re gonna go for it, go all in. Best case scenario, she’s into you too and you become an awesome couple and have amazing sex from all the sexual tension that’s built up between you. And if it doesn’t work out there’s still a chance you can remain friends, but that depends on you being mature enough to handle it and acting totally cool with her.

Come to think of it I’ve kissed friends before, but the situation was reversed, I’m a guy and they were girls that were into me. And tbh, I wasn’t really that into either of them. I dated one for a short period of time and don’t really talk to her anymore (she was a friend of a friend, we still hung as friends a bit but our mutual friend moved away so that’s that), and the other we hooked up a couple times and she threatened to never hang again when I said I didn’t want anything more, but later she apologized and said she was drunk and invited me to a party. But she’s pretty chill, just not my type in the long run.

I guess my point is if the feelings were there on both sides it would probably be apparent. You’re swimming upstream with her. Chances are it won’t work out, but, you never know unless you go for it.

excentrik-art · 2021-12-08T11:06:37+00:00

OK, since you are friends, it is easy to pull her out. So do it. Once out, start playing with her hair then ears, neck while sitting behind her.

During physical contact, just say anything in the area of - I wonder what it would be like if we were together. - Wait for her to reply, even 10 minutes, be silent

Title	Testing the waters...
Author	crimson_blood00
Upvotes	30
Comments	31
Date	December 7, 2021 11:15 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/raww5a/testing_the_waters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/testing-the-waters.1271151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1271151

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