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“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” - Elbert Hubbard

number455

December 31, 2012

55 upvotes

/r/seduction

/r/seduction/comments/15pllc/to_avoid_criticism_do_nothing_say_nothing_be/

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Title	“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” - Elbert Hubbard
Author	number455
Upvotes	55
Comments	16
Date	December 31, 2012 5:36 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15pllc/to_avoid_criticism_do_nothing_say_nothing_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/to-avoid-criticism-do-nothing-say-nothing-be.1345110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345110

Comments

[–]onbacon 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]hafetysazard 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Just like cold is a lack of heat energy, "confidence," is a lack of anxiety.

Anxiety manifests itself in two forms, mental excitation and physical excitation. Trying to control the mind before controlling the body is like putting the milk in the bowl before the cereal; it's not how its meant to work, and it's hard to make it work properly.

If you can be relaxed, you can think relaxed.

Being relaxed means being mindful of your behaviour. I suggest starting with being mindful of where you direct your gaze, since your eyes unconsciously direct your body. To relax your body means being mindful of your posture, and your walk, your smile. Finally, when you are feeling relaxed, you can think relaxed, and talk relaxed if the opportunity arises.

It takes desensitization through experience, and you only get better.

[–]JasonUncensored 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]hafetysazard 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

It's the most work, however I believe my advice is practical.

If you can walk in and out of a bar without spending more than a split second gazing at anyone, your anxiety level will drop quite a bit. Doing this over and over will make you comfortable walking into a joint not looking like you give a shit. The visual stimulus of a pretty girl, or an aggressive patron, is mind fuel and not necessarily helpful if you can not control it. It's just the first step. Eventually you can work on direct eye contact, hopefully realizing its usefulness as a bodily expression of control.

You can tell when a person is a tourist in a big city, since their eyes will be focused on the large buildings, the strange landmarks, the flashing lights, and the strange and attractive looking people; where as the inhabitants will completely ignore it and focus on their own business; they have seen it all before, and in a sense, own it. The same goes for clubs, bars, restaurants, the library, or wherever.

Next is controlling facial expressions by adopting a rather expressionless neutral one, one that is not smiles, nor frowns. People fijit with their face, just as much as they fijit with their hands. Once you have control over those natural bodily functions, you can feel more relaxed knowing you look more relaxed, and you can learn to smile when its appropriate. Girls do not seem to like guys who smile too much.

People who hide behind a smile all the time give the impression of being fake. Feeling confident, without acting confident, can lead to some unpleasant situations, as people will read you wrong. I do not feel comfortable around manufactured smiles.

You have to look relaxed when you walk, when you sit, when you get a beer, when you drop something on the ground, when you spill your beer all over yourself, when you ask the person next to you for a napkin, when you gotta pull up your pants to cover your ass crack, or when you ask a girl where she's from. You have to do everything as if you have done it before, or as if you own it.

Finally, when you are not bothered by the environment, you can focus on the people. Not having your heart explode out of your chest when you are faced with an interaction is very important. If you feel anxious and want to leave to get some fresh air, go ahead. If you are too stressed, go home for the night. In any case, whatever you do, you always have to go back, no matter how rough it was.

Breathing exercises help control physical manifestations of anxiety by reducing heart rate and causing a person to stop and focus and have a small mini-meditation episode. It is all about being mindful, and not being judgmental when looking at you in your current situation from an outside perspective. Once you are relaxed, you can fake it until you make it, be yourself, or whatever bullshit meaningless idioms disguised as advice people tend to give out.

Where the body goes, the brain has no choice to follow.

[–]Reve_ 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]For-Teh-Lulz 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]uberafc 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]pickup_sticks 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

A thousand upvotes. Learning to become aware of your emotional reactions is a huge step forward. Next time you feel anxious, ask yourself, why am I anxious? Introspect on it for a bit if need be, but try letting go of the tension in your body.

Here's a really simple example: whenever I went to Target or some other store and one of the staff would ask if I need help with something, I'd always give them a short "no, I'm fine, thanks." Eventually I realized that I was feeling anxious about asking for help. So I started going in with the intention of always asking for help. Just this simple change helped me learn to relax more in all kinds of social situations.

Another: getting angry about being stuck in traffic. I realized I was so focused on getting somewhere that I couldn't stop and just be in the moment. So I started treating traffic as an opportunity to meditate, look around me and just observe. Now I rarely get angry in traffic and am generally more present.

Oftentimes simply being aware of your emotions allows you to quickly dissipate the negative energy. Things that in the past might have ruined my day I can now process and let go of in an hour, or even just a couple minutes.

[–]hafetysazard 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep in mind that it is very difficult to control your emotions while in the throws of a feeling.

You are the hand that holds the gun, and your feelings are the tip of the finger on the trigger. When there is an emotion, the trigger gets pulled, the hammer drops, and the gun powder starts to burn, and the bullet travels down the barrel; the best you can do is trying to control the gun itself, rather than trying undo the action of pulling the trigger.

The bullet hitting the mark signifies a healthy reaction to an emotional stimulus. The instantaneous reaction of pulling the trigger signifies inexperience, or an inability to control the reaction to a stimulus. Where as the hand holding the gun, signifies the control you have over your body. If you can keep the gun pointed in the right direction, then the chances of you hitting the mark, increases. Soon, you know what to expect from the gun shot, and regardless of when the trigger gets pulled, your sights are on the mark.

In time, you will learn to have better control over the trigger; knowing how it feels, and how it affects your aim when you pull it. Eventually, you can feel out the trigger itself, knowing when to pull it and how hard to pull it, then you can really shoot well.

You do not need to go for broke, and load up real ammunition right away, when you first start out. You can practice without actually shooting the gun.

In target shooting, practicing without firing the gun is called dry-firing. When it comes to understanding your emotions and feelings, you can immerse yourself in situations which are similar to the situations which are similar, but where you have no expectation to react. If being around loud noisy people is a problem, then you might find help by going to a crowded coffee shop, or the mall. Every small experience builds up control and removes the shakes in your hand you would see when you are trying to line your sights up. From there, you can load up with blanks, to get comfortable with the action of the gun shot that is your emotional response.

The idea is that you are trying to comfortable in the environments you wish to be comfortable in, but giving yourself no expectations. You have to keep in mind though, that firing blanks only gives the click and the bang; there is no bullet leaving the barrel, and no recoil. By the time it's time to open up and start having a good time, hopefully you are practiced enough to know what to expect. Nobody is going to be an expert their first day on the range, but some guns are easier to shoot than others.

Figuring out what works for you takes time and experience.

[–]VZPurp 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]-ToTheWorld- 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rib-bit 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]hafetysazard 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheMadMax 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]bl1y 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]budguy68 -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link