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[–]road_2_pulled_pork 8 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
There were some obscene statistics about Tinder here, which shows Tinder is a losing game unless you’re a top 20% man (however that is measured).
Here’s a paradigm shift: how about you actually go out and approach?
I honestly don’t think Tinder is anything better than a way to pass time while you’re taking a shit.
[–]leddituser123 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The sole purpose of my post was to rant.
Those stats are probably true. I consider myself very attractive but nothing model level. I've had success on Tinder and i use it as a side 'income' of women. I approach every night i go out.
[–]road_2_pulled_pork2 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ah, cool then. I did find the same thing with Tinder, and I guess it’s coming from the ease of access to attention and constant validation for women.
[–]_experienced_Gun 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't look to your environment to change, look to yourself.
No matter where you go, there will be people you like and people you don't like. More often then not, it is the latter.
So if Tinder is putting you into a position of being surrounded by entitled, reluctant or rude people - stop using it.
But complaining about it is just avoiding self reliance. What is stopping you from going out and meeting girls in real life? Could it be that you're frustrated that this medium will force you to face more uncomfortable situations?
Girls who are confident, good looking, happy in their own skin, polite, have things going on in their life, etc. they aren't using these online dating apps. They are too busy having lives that surround them socially. If you want quality women, you have to get into the real world.
[–]InertBrian 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Canned openers are stupid unless the girl has nothing in her bio to go off of or says she likes cheesy pick up lines.
You’ll have more success coming up with something witty that’s written in her bio.
On my best Tinder lay, the girl’s bio said “I’m sorry but I’d choose Channing Tatum over you”
My opener was “Change your bio. You’d do a double take on Channing Tatum if you met me😏”. It had a positive-flirty response, brief convo, got her Snapchat & the rest is history.
Cheesy pick up lines are ok depending on the context. Another Tinder lay was a down to earth person (although I probably could’ve said anything, admittedly she didn’t seem too high up on the social food chain, this is Tinder we’re talking about). She had horse riding pictures in her bio so my opener was “where do horses go when they’re sick...the horsepital!”. Cheesy line but did the trick because I took info about the person and joked in a way that resonated with them.
[–]leddituser123 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
How do you filter out the ones that are looking for attention? My lays start with the girl dropping hints that we're fucking
[–]Smooth21 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I filter out the garbage by asking for their number after about 2-3 messages. If they give it, I text them to set up a date. If they don't give it, I next them
[–]InertBrian 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Big thing I’ve learned with Tinder is for the most part you have to pump out responses in a brief period of time (1-10 mins) because of all the matches people get, you have to keep the attention on you. If the person isn’t consistently responding fast (it’s usually a no go). I go for snapchats close to immediately as well & that also tells you quickly if there is some interest, instead of beating around the bush (probably about 5 messages later tops, depending on how flaky the person is. I may spontaneously ask for snap).
Now when you get their snapchat they may add you for the sake of views on their story. Send a snap of either something your doing once a day or every other day, and see how often they respond. Do they send a snap of what they’re doing too? If you send a snap of your face (helps to add text for either context or comedic purpose to generate a conversation. Do they send a snap of their face (and text back)? The ones that are in it for the attention are the less responsive/receptive on Snap.
[–]leddituser123 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's what i've experienced too. Do they give their snap more easily than FB? Because i usually ask for FB.
[–]LingeringGnome 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You filter out time wasters by simply getting to the point. Ask to meet within three to five texts. This also displays dominant behavior.
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
From my experience that doesn’t work where i live. They all want like 10-20 messages before numberclosing which is stupid
[–]LingeringGnome 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
You're the man, not a sheep. You set the tone and lead.
Don't worry what "everyone else" does. 95% of men are socially challenged. Should you do what they do, too?
By keeping your texts on Tinder short, crisp, playful, and to the point, a woman is reading between the lines. What this tells her is that you're good with women, this isn't your first prom, you're a leader, and you're confident. This in turn conveys that a man is confident in bed too (most men aren't).
Sure, you will lose a few women by being direct, but the strong, independent and sex positive women will THANK YOU for not wasting their time and leading. And they're the women you want in your life. Trust me. ;)
I have an open arrangement with my LTR. When I get a match on Tinder, I wait a day or two and use what I call "shocking honesty":
Me: Hey Jenny, I like that crazy look in your eyes. I think we could get into the fun kind of trouble. What are you up to?
Flirtatious, and to the point.
Or , you can be this guy:
Joe Clueless: Hey Jenny, how's your week? Jenny: Good, yours? Joe: Mine's good. Jenny: Nice. Joe: What do you do for a living? Jenny: Dental assistant. Joe: Cool.
Clueless Joe is passive and boring, and doesn't know how to get to the point in text, and probably not in the bedroom, either.
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
I fully agree with your approach, but most girls i meet are girls, not women. I'm almost 22. On tinder i match with 18-21 and in real life i meet the same age group usually. I've had the pleasure of meeting some women and i know they respond very well to direct/confident behavior. I can't wait to meet more women. But these girls.... they want to chitchat and shit and take a 1st date way too seriously, like it's a marriage proposal.
[–]LingeringGnome 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I understand, lol. Those are needy women. It's just part of finding women that work for you.
Women do most of the dumping/divorcing because most men are needy and lack emotional control. So when I meet a woman or women who takes first dates that seriously, I stop contacting them, or I leave the date early.
It's okay to be dismissive of potential partners. Socially valuable women dismiss men they don't like without a hint of remorse. And so should you.
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Funny thing is, those socially valuable women go apeshit when they get a taste of their own medicine, labeling the guy who refused her as a fuckboy or something similar to protect their ego.
I never thought of them as needy, those girls. I just thought they were immature. How do you filter them out? I spend too much time on them. How do you find the DTF girls? My lays on Tinder always started with pretty obvious hints coming from the girl.
[–]LingeringGnome 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I use a "shocking honesty" approach to filter out time wasters and needy women. But it's not really an approach, it's more what I've become as a person, simply by just saying what I'm thinking.
A good example would be Hank Moody on Californication.
In bars, or on Tinder, simply get to the point in a fun, honest way.
If you match with a girl, and you really like her eyes and they make you want to invite her over for sex, then SAY that, lol.
"Hey, you look like trouble, I can see it in your eyes (which are totally my thing, BTW). What are you up to tonight?"
It serves a couple purposes:
A lot of guys go onto Tinder or to the bars thinking they have to please all the women and act like fucking court jesters . Nope. The attitude should be "do these women meet my standards?"
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That's also the way i am. Direct and confident. But i feel like it's not paying off (yet). Girls don't respond to that behavior. As they get older their priorities change and they seek the alpha male. Right now, they value popularity and looks. That's what my older friends tell me.
How old are you? How well do you do on Tinder?
[–]LingeringGnome1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I'm 40, and I only date 20-somethings. Age doesn't matter for men, only fitness. I keep my carbs lower than 80 grams a day (six days a week plus one cheat day - too many carbs will cause face bloat, which is the kiss of death for a social life) weights every other day at the gym, no red meat, no pork, moderate amounts of alcohol.
In a LTR (two years) with a beautiful, smart, and very fit 23 yo. Relationship is semi-open. She's bi-sexual and brings home women for threesomes, sometimes I get a green light to act on my own. But I rarely find women I'm attracted to as much as I am to her. Her open-mindedness, intelligence, strength, and sex-positive behavior kills me, lol.
I find that 20-somethings are already looking for a bull elk, and not the frat boy pack guys. But having complete game is important - fitness, charming honesty (you don't worry about the self- filter anymore because you feel women are equals, not princesses), focus on career, bedroom skills, reading, and confidence.
It's not like some massive change, but rather slow incremental improvement in each one of these areas will eventually give you the same abundance that a beautiful women has, and you do the choosing and dismissing at your whim.
[–]leddituser1232 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Wel i'd argue i'm at the lowest point of value as a young man. At 22, i rarely meet mature enough girls in the 18-22 category. For the older ones (22+), i directly compete with men like you. You've been working on yourself for a way longer time than I. I won't use it as an excuse though. Age gives us social status, look at George Clooney, Michael Buffer..
What i realised today is that i shouldn't chase pussy so much as i do now, it gets in the way of other things sometimes. As men we have infinite time. And there will always be new opportunities, especially for us sedditors or whatever you call it.
I can't argue with any of that. I was clueless at 22 in terms of inner game. Sure, I had looks and the gym, but I was really raw and unrefined. I could attract women, but it was tough keeping them around. That's usually a big red flag that a man is being led by his emotions and not giving women space.
I find that women mature way before men. College women especially. Or farm girls.
[–]LingeringGnome 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Good pics and a good bio will render "openings" meaningless. This goes back to taking care of yourself in your career, and at the gym. This in turn takes care of Tinder, which is an app 100% based on the physical and a one sentence bio.
[–]LmDol 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What are your toughs on bios? In mine I tell a little bit of who I am, and what I do. Five lines top. I think it's my weak point, since I have pretty badass pics
[–]Smooth21 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My bio: 6'2
I used to have: Taller than you in heels
I thought it was a clever line, but it doesn't seem like there's a whole lot of brain power on tinder
[–]LingeringGnome 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lol, that's funny, IMHO.
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should try "don't worry, you can wear heels" or "you can wear heels". That would avoid confusion. Yeah, not much brain power at all.
[–]LingeringGnome 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Less is more on bios, IMHO. If you have a good social media page, link to that and it will speak for itself. And for cow's sake, never say "public figure" in your bio or social page unless you've been verified (blue checkmark) by a social media site.
If you own your own carpentry business (for example), you could say something like "Business owner, and good with my hands" and let your pics speak. Don't be try-hard and always be flirtatious and dabble in innuendo. Men who are successful with women are almost always playful and good natured, but also they get to the point.
I feel like this would be an appropriate place to put this odd story.
Today a girl messaged me first on a dating app, "Coffee Meets Bagel" so naturally the conversation went smoothly and I quickly got her number. This was so bizarre to me because she's actually attractive.
I think this is the first time an attractive girl messaged me first (not counting Bumble). We've already set up a date for tomorrow. She's meeting me at my place and then we are going to grab a drink together.
I have zero risk because if she flakes, I didn't even have to drive anywhere anyways. We've already talked on the phone, she seems normal. Anyways, just an odd online encounter, but I hope it goes well tomorrow!
[–]kril89 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah the more I use dating apps if girls are just giving me one or two word responses I just stop messaging them. No need to waste my time on there bullshit
[–]InertBrian 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t know, I’m not a big fan of FB messenger. In that case I’d rather just get their phone #. Snapchat has a lighter-friendlier vibe to it where people can see what you do in day to day life.
[–]rockintomordor 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, tinder is pretty garbage unless you're so unbelievably hot you don't need it except to increase your numbers.
I use it to mess with my irl friends. I know one or two people who have used it to find people they already know who might be interested in hooking up, but by and large any kind of online dating is a losing proposition.
Depending on which study you read, somewhere between 70 and 90 percent of human communication is done through body language. Obviously, this spills over into dating. Plus, whether you're attracted to a picture of someone is relatively loosely connected to being attracted to them in person.
[–]Oregongrown96 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel the same way about tinder , i feel like no matter what approach i take , simple , cheesy a joke , referring to there bio/ picture i sweat no matter what i do it doesnt go any where. I do live in a really small town but none the less
[–]Brostory_com 8 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Uninstall tinder. If you want top quality women you have to find them in real life. In RL, the competition is pretty low, most guys suuuuck.
Tinder is waste of time and energy. You are investing in someone you never met, and probably won't meet.
Believe me, i do approach tons when going out. But as you said, it might be a waste of energy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's why u should try getting her number as soon as possible. If u keep texting her on tinder then you're gonna be just match #999 boosting her ego.
[–]HappyBull 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well if they’re only there for an ego boost you have to respect that. Some of these ladies, who are actual people, might be in a low point of their lives or just got out of a relationship and use tinder as a distraction.
On top of that, you can’t expect every girl you match with to instantly be so cheery. They go through so many average “hey’s” a day.
You can’t force someone to be into you. If both are, then awesome. Make a date. If not, get on with your life. Why would you waste your time on someone who’s not interested in the same things you want??
[–]leddituser123 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Well don't you find it disrespectful to waste someones time? These girls keep answering but don't add anything to the conversation, and i don't send things that are hard to reply to. They want guys to chase a carrot on a stick to get some ego inflation, answering anything i say with "haha" "okay" "yes" "maybe", so i would invest even more
[–]HappyBull 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. You’re definitely right. If you wanna keep trying that string of messages, keep trying. However you will know when you struck gold with a lucky lady. There will be this connection that just feels right and both parties will find each other attractive. With regular use I would maybe get that connection once a month. It’s a lot of patience but sometimes well worth it.
[–]Steve_Savage 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Girls need ego boosts, as unlike guys they almost all have horrible self-esteem issues regardless of how they really look. We guys on the other hand, well we're just all the total shit aren't we, cool as fuck.
So instead of ranting or taking advantage of a woman because of her need for approval, why not just accept this and understand that girls will need it so give them what they need.
You may be offended by this if you are a liberal snowflake, but women are weak and men are strong. Its our job to be that man who is a provider, protector. So don't be offended if a girl seems mean, its probably her lack of self-esteem talking. Try to be a bit more analytical and patient with her. Girls LOVE that kind of guy that is so awesome that he knows what she's thinking and knows exactly what to say when she's having her 30th mental breakdown.
[–]leddituser123 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes i am offended by this honestly. What do you mean by trying to be more analytical/patient? It’s just like talking to a wall. I once had a girl using tinder to get over her ex, so she’d use me for attention and flaked out on our date last minute. Am i supposed to be spoonfeeding them in return for probably nothing? These are ‘tinderellas’, they’re not girlfriends
[–]Steve_Savage 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I see nothing but opportunity with a girl trying to "get over her ex". You may see it differently. If you feel like she's using you, then move on, no big thang. Why would you want her? To prove you are successful?
Thats like winning the gold medal in a retard contest. Do you really want it that badly?
I moved on after she flaked on the date with some shitty excuse. I'm trying to argue with you, like i'm supposed to give them the approval they want.
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[–]road_2_pulled_pork [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
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