When not getting a response, is it ever more beneficial to say you expect reciprocation and are pulling back before doing so, depending on perhaps the type of girl or how much you overpursued?

Basquests · 2022-10-30T12:03:04+00:00

It's quite sad that this amongst several other behaviours seems to be normalized [the not being responsive] - I'm glad you're using it as a test case and being as introspective and mature as you are, as multiple very intimate dates / a good connection is hard to find.

People check their phones several times a day!

Dating seems to be a minefield of reaffirming your self-improvement and baggage-handling, as many people end things without due consideration of the counter-party.

In the end, the key is to keep trying by not settling for anything less than what you deserve.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-10-30T11:15:22+00:00

Wait and see if she comes back. If she does then proceed from there, if not you'll know she's gone.

Shadowfury957 · 2022-10-30T12:18:30+00:00

You are making a sacrifice, losing some energy (some would say small/negligible but depending on you and the context it could be major) whenever you reach out to someone. (Whether it's a cold approach in public, sending the first message online, or restarting a conversation)

You are hoping by reaching out, for them to reach back out (at least to respond but even better to respond with interest) giving you the energy back, or more energy (can think of this energy as a limited supply of self esteem)

In my experience, a lot of the time it's not even worth sending that message something like "I'm pulling back because I've noticed you pulled back, but you're welcome to reach out when you're free if you'd like" ... They've already communicated their disinterest by not responding. No upside to keep reinvesting, don't get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy

However, if you feel like you owe it to them because you have built a strong report or they did you some favor, then that's when I'll send that message

MayhemReignsTV · 2022-10-30T15:13:20+00:00

Nope. Just become Casper The Friendly Ghost without a single sign at all for awhile. You don’t get her off balance by telegraphing your every move…sheesh

_do_not_read_this_ · 2022-10-30T16:23:28+00:00

>wall of text title

>wall of text post

>wall of text relationship

>do I just acknowledge to her that I think I've done too much, and that it's her turn now ... My idea with this is that it makes it clearer what my intent is from now on and that I'm not just going to keep overbearing her,

Back off, man. And scolding her for not replying sure isn't going to help.

This one is done, learn and move on.

sojournly · 2022-10-30T14:12:40+00:00

I'm a girl who is also very slow with replying and texting. It sounds that yes, it might drift apart, she's still thinking about it. There probably aren't very strong feelings at this moment, but it doesn't yet mean they won't develop with time. Situation unsure. Doesn't she offer rescheduling when an excuse come up? I imagine best case scenario could be if the guy doesnt text for a while, like 2-4 weeks (makes sense if both have busy schedules, also gives time to think it over). Then invite her out again after that time. If she has an excuse, idk, maybe invite her again after another period of time and then if she again has an excuse, ask her when she would like to meet and if she is not interested in rescheduling, then probably the interest is drifting away, yes. Voice messages and emotional confrontational messages would definitely scare me away at this point. Be direct with invitation instead :-)

sinhaanip · 2022-10-30T12:59:32+00:00

Hmm… don’t write for 7-10 days. Let it cool off. Then send her a message like ‘ I think I’m kinda forgetting how pretty you looked.’ Or something on those lines.

This generally gets a response, but then you have to escalate gradually and build tension.

g3wb3r · 2022-10-30T18:35:22+00:00

Have you had sex with her?

ZottZett · 2022-10-30T20:16:04+00:00

do I just acknowledge to her that I think I've done too much, and that it's her turn now - if she wants it, she can come get it? My idea with this is that it makes it clearer what my intent is from now on and that I'm not just going to keep overbearing her, which she might have come to fear.

Doing this will convey even more overbearing, and overthought, to her. It shows how much energy and worry you're giving to trying to control how the relationship plays out. I can't imagine a situation where this would increase your chances, can you? If a girl said something like this to you it would lay bare how desperate she is for your attention, which paradoxically is not attractive.

As hard as it is you help your chances much more by being nonchalant.

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