Why is it so hard to be yourself when talking to women? Guys usually try to portray some sort of look that isn't real with who they truly are.

throwawaygang21 · 2020-07-16T22:41:33+00:00

Maybe we think being ourselves isn't good enough.

You just answered your own question lol

ejay1250 · 2020-07-17T00:29:32+00:00

I'm a fuckin weeb dude. You think imma get laid wearing ahegao tshirts and a demon slayer robe on???(even though I want to) Hell nah lmao. I'm open about it when asked about my hobbies but I'm not forthright about it

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-07-17T01:25:37+00:00

You have to level up and make yourself into the type of guy where being yourself is good enough. Only then can you "just be yourself" and it's real.

manonpoint_com · 2020-07-17T01:38:39+00:00

There's a difference between being yourself and being your best self. If you aren't going to be your best self, someone else will, and he will get the girl, not you. You can still be you, but be the best you, not the lazy ass you that wants to play video games at home in your underwear.

bakedmacaronislut · 2020-07-17T08:45:36+00:00

As a woman, I think it can be very attractive when you turn the things you’re not very confident about into a funny joke. Humor is sexy! The best example I could think of is Lewis Capaldi. Looks-wise he is definitely not my type but his is one of the funniest and goofiest people. Take your quirks and work with them. And loosen up (don’t take it so seriously). Guaranteed, there is a girl that would go crazy over you because of your quirks.

freethemans · 2020-07-17T04:59:39+00:00

we do it all the time. Being "real" is nothing more than a figment of your imagination. Literally every study done on social psychology related to the self has uncovered the fact that human beings are social chameleons. Let me ask you, do you act the same way around your boss as you do around your boys? Or your clients at your job? Chances are probably not. You probably act more professionally to clean up your act.

macroxela · 2020-07-17T09:38:06+00:00

Why? From what I and other friends have experienced, we weren't really comfortable with ourselves. When I first started, I had no problem being myself around friends & family or some random stranger but when I approached or talked to a woman I was interested in, all of a sudden I couldn't anymore. I had to pretend to be someone otherwise I felt bad. After much research, reflection, and talking it out I realized it was due to insecurities I had. We don't want to be judged but whenever we approach someone romantically we set up ourselves to be judged. It places us in a vulnerable position that we don't like. Once you become comfortable with yourself and your emotions then you won't have problems being yourself around women. Doesn't mean you should have a don't care attitude either. At least not completely. Something that changed my perspective is realizing how few men are actually themselves when around women. Most of them play games, overtly flirt, or behave awkwardly around them (in an unappealing way). Women find it refreshing when a guy approaches them without pretending to be someone else (unless it is part of a game/joke both agreed on).

-Magic-M · 2020-07-17T11:52:38+00:00

i want to make a good first impression. i hate that sentence so much because why are people trying to impress someone. ofcourse you need to look good have some cool clothing style and be clean but don’t try to make a good first impression. it doesn’t only give a picture of your personality that isn’t you and you are making it so hard on yourself that you say nothing wrong. say what comes up in your mind and if it’s bad so be it that’s true confidence.

MakeSail · 2020-07-18T21:28:16+00:00

A recurring theme for both men and women in dating, well in life in general, is being emotionally immature.

For example; Self-Confidence.

Recognition of self comprises; Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation and Motivation.

Self-Confidence is part of being Self-Aware, which is rooted in our Self-Image.

Next you should have Recognition of others mainly; Empathy and Social Skills.

With the above prerequisites in place you are now ready to talk to women for dating.

So given the background above let's discuss your question.

Disclaimer, I am not a psychologist, use the following at your own risk.

The reason you cannot be yourself, is because you lack Recognition of self, or as many use as a shorthand description, you are not self-aware. You are emotionally immature. Don't feel discouraged though, everybody must choose to take the path of self discovery. Some people do this at a young age, others never attain it. You must understand yourself before you can understand others.

People that are self-aware can just be themselves in social discourse. You are not trying to do anything other than being yourself. It is easy. This is where natural confidence comes from. Natural confidence is sincere in verbal, nonverbal, and movement (gestures) which are all in sync and project who you are. You are attractive to women because you are authentic, and at peace with yourself. Many women are not, and crave natural confidence because they seek emotional safety.

appleORorange · 2020-07-17T01:32:56+00:00

Maybe we think being ourselves isn't good enough.

This is way more true than you think, 70% of guys arnt good enough, if they were, they wouldnt be siungle would they !!! This is NOT rocket science people, if being yourself got you dates, you could just be yourself for 1-4 years and get dates.. clearly it doesnt work so you need to be someone else.

This is THE reason i dont talk with women, they have made it VERY [VERY] clear, they have no interest in me as i am now, in looks, actions and thought process, so all that advice about "change how you act towards them", well here you are... you end up with this thread, THATS WHY, i want to be ME, if ME is not good enough for women, well there loss, i spend my time on things that benefit me directly instead of "playing" some hope game thats detrimental to my brain and self image.

Title	Why is it so hard to be yourself when talking to women? Guys usually try to portray some sort of look that isn't real with who they truly are.
Author	bayfarm
Upvotes	4
Comments	11
Date	July 16, 2020 10:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hsjxhd/why_is_it_so_hard_to_be_yourself_when_talking_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-it-so-hard-to-be-yourself-when-talking-to.1300196 https://theredarchive.com/post/1300196

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