Make yourself scarce instead of perceiving other's as scarce

ceebee08 · 2020-07-23T09:13:41+00:00

I think there’s a deeper sentiment that is being missed here. I disagree with the idea of playing games, it’s not healthy for either party but one should try to avoid building a person up in your head too much. Make sure you’re treating the person who you’re interested in as a human being - that means understanding that they are flawed, have emotions, and have their own life. If someone doesn’t message you for two hours or for two days, maybe they’re busy? But also stick to your own boundaries and move on if you think that someone is a lost cause. Don’t put yourself down in order to build someone else up.

Edit: typo

r_m_castro · 2020-07-23T09:33:05+00:00

I began reading and thought you were going to tell us to become scarce in the sense that we improve ourselves so much that we become the better candidates out there. This would be solid advice.

But then you come with "don't give her attention" stuff.

If she's not interested, she won't be more interested if you ignore her. You'll just be less annoying because you won't bother her.

There will be still a bunch of males from whom she can choose freely and one or two guys she is really interested.

Ignoring someone to make the person needy would only work if the person is already into you.

hustlahiep · 2020-07-23T07:02:36+00:00

Guys this is so sad, stop with the games. People are either interested or they’re not. This is not tug of war. If you start off a relationship with all these rules and strategies then you will be left confused and disappointed. Sometimes people will vibe with you and sometimes they won’t, that’s just life.

Smurv26 · 2020-07-23T09:25:51+00:00

This is definitely not true. What a girl is looking for in a guy are certain things that have been the same for centuries. Does he do sports? —-> Healthy || How do others treat him, does he earn respect? —-> security || Is he successful in what he is doing? Or is he lazy? —-> Provider || Is he mentally stable or always reactive and crying like a little bitch? —-> emotional support for the girl

And if you really can provide everything the girl needs you will/ will not have: 1. to make you scarce, since you’re busy enough with working out, working and working on yourself 2. to chase a girl since girls are an extra product of any successful man 3. to play this stupid game because as @hustlahiep already mentioned, you will get lost in strategies, tactics and different ways of acting or simply playing roles. Is that what you want? Or do you want an authentic relationship, where you can focus on yourself and most importantly be yourself and your girl will love you more from day to day for just being who you are?

RobotGrapes · 2020-07-23T05:05:01+00:00

This. Whenever I talk to a girl I constantly have to reel myself back in with a "Jesus dude, you make yourself way too accessible" and then I hop right for the phone when she responds an hour or two later. No point in overriding your life to talk/hangout with someone nor expect someone to do the same thing for you unless you're already committed to one another

Ace_f_Hz · 2020-07-23T10:26:06+00:00

I can wholeheartedly confirm that this technique backfires FML

GeekyRN · 2020-07-23T10:13:47+00:00

What the hell is this? How does this have anything to do with r/seduction? Soft incel vibes

Hot-Construction-811 · 2020-07-23T09:10:15+00:00

This is what I do with my gf. I ask and she is busy then go let her be and go do my stuff or hang around her friends instead. Then I will come to her when she is good or im good.

Myz1988 · 2020-07-23T09:06:35+00:00

If making yourself scarce is a deliberate dating strategy you're setting yourself up for failure. Just live your life.

STD_Tyler · 2020-07-23T05:47:18+00:00

Depends on who you are dealing with. If you are dating a girl less attractive than you, and you play this hard to get I am too busy game, it will backfire. If she is more attractive than you, then yeah this may work...

Millenial_ardvark · 2020-07-23T13:10:09+00:00

I think it’s better to rephrase it as- don’t get too attached to someone you’re trying to pursue and it’s outcome, learn to stay grounded rather than desperate, and do things in moderation. The “too cool to talk” thing is kinda whack imo and doesn’t really work- girls don’t give less attention just because you’re trying to pursue them more it means that they might not actually be interested, and I know what I’m saying bc I’m a girl lol. And I think this goes both ways for girls and guys.

fullmetalrichard · 2020-07-23T08:43:40+00:00

I disagree with this. But OP's got 69 votes so I'll settle for a Nice

Kkykkx · 2020-07-23T12:53:14+00:00

OMG! STOP ✋ with the fucking mind games. Be yourself with a love interest or be miserable if you become a couple and you’re doomed to keep playing games. Jesus! Dumb advice.

shidurbaba · 2020-07-23T13:11:47+00:00

Yeah, but you also need to keep yourself visible as a hot commodity rather than cutting yourself off from the game by texting her less often, etc. What I mean, be active in social media doing interesting stuff and gaining followers and tagging her in your posts. As the old cliche goes: out of sight out of mind. You do not want to become invisible brah!

Smboos · 2020-07-23T13:25:47+00:00

I see that many disagree with OP but I'm going to share one with story with you all.

I started dating a girl when I was busy hosting an old friend from abroad and showing him around. the girl I was dating, who asked to be my gf used to ask me every day to spend the night with her I used to go to her few days a week and for the rest of the time I politely tell her that I need to spend sometime with my friend.

When my friend left, the foolish me thought because she was always asking me to come over; she wants me to be with her all the time. So I did, every day and it didn't take her long to change her mind and give me the lets be friend speech. She went from chasing me because I was busy to dumping be because I was available. If only I knew better, I might be living my dream life right now.

I wish the world is perfect in a way that we don't need to play games but it is really a game. We are programmed to underestimate what we have and want what we don't have.

TheGreatConst · 2020-07-23T13:26:48+00:00

I wanted to upvote you until I noticed that you are still coming from the scarcity mindset. You don't need to try and make her "notice that you are oh so cool and different" by being scarce. Just perceive yourself as scarce, as you said in the post's title. There are many girls and the only one you. You don't need anything to "work", it is she who loses you if it "didn't work", not the other way around. It is she who should think about how to make you more interested and impressed with her. Your time is limited and the number of girls isn't.. unless you are in a really small town, then you should move on or start to search for LTR instead of many lays, then even in a small town you'll never be scarce. Because there is only one girl who can become your LTR and thousands of girls even in a very small city. There are no rules to follow to get a girl, don't try to manipulate or impress girls. Learn how to be in touch with yourself, with your desires and natural charisma which everyone has when they completely let go of their ego's desire to impress everyone with how cool they are.

2020-07-23T17:47:13+00:00

Sometimes I notice neediness in myself. A few days ago I got an idea to repeat mantras to myself often, every time I see women I find attractive, from who I want something from.

My mantra against neediness:

I don't need her. She can't make me happy. Only I can make myself happy.

Sometimes I set a women on a pedestal, have the feeling that she is out of my league. So I will repeat this mantra to myself when I see a women, to see myself as a man of value:

I am worthy of her. I am the prize she wants to win.

Marcozy14 · 2020-07-23T21:06:13+00:00

Scarcity mindset is very important. Don't listen to these fools. In a world where every guy texts back immediately, responds to every message, and jumps at every opportunity to hang out, be the one dude who has a life and cant respond immediately, sometimes does not respond, and sometimes cannot hang out.

Now of course it would be better if you actually were busy, not just playing games. I would recommend actually working on yourself and having hobbies, other social circles, etc. BUT if you don't, then work on that and in the meantime, practice scarcity.

aeritheon · 2020-07-23T09:19:03+00:00

I did to this cute girl while on a trip in the Saharan dessert, she was asking for water the whole time.

I make it scarce and It works, she's so thirsty bro.

njugiste · 2020-07-23T09:47:08+00:00

But that doesn't happen to the best of us.

Dudatta · 2020-07-23T10:55:07+00:00

The last sentence is especially important

PapaGoosae · 2020-07-23T15:55:44+00:00

True 🤷🏼‍♂️

PlatinumSavage1 · 2020-07-23T16:36:54+00:00

This. This right here is why Millennials and Gen Z people have it all wrong with dating, and this is coming from a fellow Gen Z person. Yes, if you do come off too strong at the very beginning to the girl, then she'll be uncomfortable, ain't denying that. But where OP has it wildly wrong is where he says to make yourself scarce, which is essentially another way of playing hard to get. Relationships based on either person feeling they have to work hard to chase the other person and catch their affection have a tendency to not work out. Attraction needs to be visible from both sides, and making yourself scarce ain't gonna do shit for the relationship.

ColdCock420 · 2020-07-23T19:02:35+00:00

Don’t pretend to be scarce, actually BE scarce because you are doing other stuff, going out with other girls etc.

appleORorange · 2020-07-23T21:38:24+00:00

I make sure i never show interest.... been single all my life, seems to be working out as you expected for me.... !!!

Mango_Destructor · 2020-07-23T23:59:57+00:00

Yea, someone acted like this towards me, being unavailable, not initiating most days, giving the vibe that i was not that high on his priorities. I was hooked at first, and was happy he was giving me some time in what he said was his busy life. But then after a bit, I stopped trying to get his attention, since it just seemed he wasn't interested. Oh well.

I don't initiate anymore, so it becomes apparent real quick when the other party isn't that into you.

I hope i get the hang of this dating thing eventually.

drevenx13 · 2020-07-24T01:06:49+00:00

Bro I’m a marketing expert, I study millions of people’s behavior online and trust me these numbers ARE accurate.

charu_ism · 2020-07-24T11:49:03+00:00

I hate these games but this is about making the girl think about you in first place for initiation of some thought, on longer term you should give up on those games and if the girl still plays them, you leave her!

logitech757 · 2020-07-24T14:53:15+00:00

iT WORKS I am a witness. But this is not a good way to get laid a lot. I made women come to me. The key is to REALLY not care about women and that was my mind set for 40 years. When you are the only good looking guy in the factory or office who does not give a single shit about her, then you become the only man she wants----

springyslinkies · 2020-07-24T15:56:05+00:00

I don’t know, man. Low-effort, aloof men are a dime a dozen on the dating scene. Women who like and are secure in themselves don’t find it attractive to be treated like an afterthought.

Vinegar_Vixen · 2020-07-23T16:16:07+00:00

I really needed this advice right now.

Title	Make yourself scarce instead of perceiving other's as scarce
Author	bayfarm
Upvotes	448
Comments	90
Date	July 23, 2020 4:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hw95rp/make_yourself_scarce_instead_of_perceiving_others/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/make-yourself-scarce-instead-of-perceiving-others.1499177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1499177

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