Why is "validating" someone considered "bad"?

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-05-29T16:28:17+00:00

Don’t over compliment and don’t kiss her ass. Be nice but not fake nice and make her work a little for your attention. You’ll thank me later

willgo-waggins · 2022-05-29T15:55:41+00:00

You were appearing to talk about a first date.

The danger here is that validation is all she is really seeking and that she would receive this without physical interaction if you check in once again.

As I said in the other thread. If you have already completed your online/text interaction and have a date set with a plan/place/time, there is I need for any further text communication other than cancelling or change of plans. Otherwise you simply open the door to her having her need for validation fulfilled through that interaction and verification and lose your opportunity for solid in person time to cement things.

froze_gold · 2022-05-29T16:26:49+00:00

It's not great when you're giving more than you receive. For example, you give a girl consistent validation hoping she'll like you - but she never comes around and strings you along.

I think it's fine to hand out compliments once in a while, even without reciprocation. It all depends on how you react to the lack thereof and the possible rejection. Make your moves with outcome independence.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-05-29T17:24:20+00:00

Because women love a challenge, not someone who is easy.

Let me put you an example:

Imagine you are playing a football game with your dad, but you realise your dad is just letting you win, no matter what he will let you score, wouldn’t that be boring and unchallenging?

That’s how girls feel when you validate them and act too interested when she has done no effort to earn your interest.

If no matter what the girl does or how little effort she puts to get you to like her, and she feels like she can easily win you over because you are letting her then she gets bored and loses interest because you are not a challenge for her.

The best way to win over a girl is to make sure she has to win you over first, and for that to happen she has to feel like it was hard to get you, not easy.

You want the girl jumping through hoops, and trying to impress you, and investing when time in you, and putting serious effort to get you to choose her, rather than some other girl.

If you are easy not only does she get bored with you, but she also feels like she can’t trust you, because good things in life don’t come easy.

Valuable things take effort, and if she doesn’t have to put any significant effort to get you, she feels like you must not be that valuable… In other words, she feels like you are a fraud, and are not as worthy as it seems.

She needs to feel like every time you give her validation, it’s because she did something to earn it, you need to let her know how she did earned it.

That process in seduction is called a qualification. Which is the process in which you test the girl so she has to impress you if she wants you to choose her, and not any other girl who is just as hot as her.

nevertextgoodnight · 2022-05-29T16:08:05+00:00

That's not even validating. The premise is wrong

That is acting like a woman. You may say "well I'd like it if a girl texted me that" Yeah, exactly. Because it's a feminine thing to do.

Why are you checking in on strangers? If it's a first date you don't even know this girl. Is not the fact you agreed to a date and you're going to be there at a certain time enough? It's covert needy bullshit, you want her to reassure you everything's ok. Here's your binky, it'll be ok. Mama's here

You think you're being considerate or something. You know what she thinks? Code red: he's a stalker

Your time is your validation. The effort you put forth is your validation. How you value yourself is your validation to others.

If you want to give her a compliment you do it in person. Honestly why do you have so much free time to be sending little texts like that anyway?

It's great you're trying to learn. But you're just looking at the tip of the iceberg. Keep going on dates because that is the only way to get proper data points regarding intersex dynamics

Own-Masterpiece5102 · 2022-05-30T06:01:57+00:00

I don't think your message is overly validating and its okay, but there might be better ways of saying it. I'd say something like: "Looking forward to our date later today <flirty emoji here>", then follow it up with a comment about something she said previously.

Validating is when you give a woman a disproportionate amount of attention, praise, or approval seeking when you don't even know her very well yet.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-05-29T16:42:38+00:00

It's just too much investment before the first date. You don't want to seem overly eager or more invested than she is. I recommend just texting "hey, we still on for tonight?".

The only time you should write something more lovey-dovey is if she's already being that way with you, in which case match her energy.

Title	Why is "validating" someone considered "bad"?
Author	EthicalSeduction
Upvotes	14
Comments	16
Date	May 29, 2022 2:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/v0c7fk/why_is_validating_someone_considered_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-validating-someone-considered-bad.1258393 https://theredarchive.com/post/1258393

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