You CAN'T just "be more confident"

This is part of a longer post I wrote for someone else's site this week.

The part that I think applies to the guys on this forum is copy and pasted below.

Here's the gist of it - you can't just BE confident. Especially for the guys on here with real confidence issues, you can't just pretend to be confident.

People will see through it.

That's why so many guys can say all the right words and still get blown out immediately or within the first two minutes.

But what you CAN do is focus on your courage. In other words, focus on pushing your comfort zone.

This isn't just "release the outcome". That misses the point. Yes, focus on improving yourself and not on any particular interaction, but more than that, focus on doing what scares you

If in any social setting, you are constantly doing whatever makes your heart race, as long as it is moral and it doesn't put you in physical harm's way, THAT is how you get real confidence and THAT is what ultimately determines your success in life, with women and beyond.

tl;dr If you do what makes your heart beat quicken, you will see your confidence go through the roof, you'll learn from the situations you are constantly putting yourself into, and your life with elevate insanely.

Here's the part of the article for those interested:

You CAN’T just “be more confident.”

“Just be more confident” is one of the most common and most useless throw-away pieces of advice in the world. It’s everywhere, and it’s totally in-actionable.

Instead, focus on your courage. Confidence is a feeling that comes from learning the skills of self-assurance. It comes with time. Courage is a choice. It’s a decision. You can begin to learn the skills of confidence by having the courage to push past your discomfort.

See someone attractive on the street? Go talk to them. Say “hi.” Say anything at all.

Your significant other asking you if they can go to Vegas with every single ex they’ve had in their entire life? Let them go.

Not because I’m promising it will go well. For all I know it will blow up in your face. But because it’s the first step. You find the edge of your comfort zone and you live there, you push it, you do it anyway. Confidence allows you to trust, and it allows you to let go when trust is broken.

In finding the edge of your comfort zone over and over again, I guarantee you will eventually take your confidence through the stratosphere.

The rest of the post is here for those interested