First Steps

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2023-02-07T16:01:06+00:00

Your attorney should give you guidance there, but I always suggest to me that they start thing about self-preservation. I can't speak to your specific situation, but many of us experienced issues such as false claims of DV, bogus TPOs and things of the like. Keep your conversations with the ex professional. If she starts to get angry or violent, leave. Remember, even if she starts it, most cops and courts assume you are the aggressor. Don't agree to anything without consulting your attorney. Assume all of your conversations are being recorded. Stay away from other women. If you have kids, fight for them.

Good luck.

vector5633 · 2023-02-07T20:56:51+00:00

Research TRO and how easy it is to have one put on you from your STBXW. Be ready to be accused of Domestic Violence and how much of a terrible human being you are. You're a monster, physical, verbal, and mental abuser.

Keep your conversations with your new enemy to the very minimum and record EVERYTHING! That may be the only thing that will keep you out of jail based on false allegations.

She is now your enemy and you must act accordingly. Be smart, silent, diligent, prepared and strategic. DO NOT engage in ANY arguments with her. Simply walk away and make sure it's recorded.

Do not make any big purchases anymore until your divorce is final! If you have kids, fight for them, but be ready for them to be turned against you. Parental Alienation is really fucked up for the kids and Alienated parent.

Lastly, the woman you married is NOT the same one you divorce. Be ready for anything! Expect the worse, but aim for your success!

Life does indeed get better after you throw the garbage out! Focus on yourself, mental health, physical health. Hit the gym and work on yourself!

Good luck brother! Divorce is a bitch, but you will get passed it to a better life.

One more thing.... DON'T EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!!!!

BosPatriot71 · 2023-02-07T17:47:29+00:00

Might as well start gathering all your info for financial disclosures now. Major pain in the ass.

CaliDude75 · 2023-02-07T19:23:59+00:00

Yes. Consult with your attorney. Also, will it be a surprise to your spouse, or not? If you’re on relatively amicable terms, I would suggest talking through a tentative settlement proposal that you’d both be OK with.

Obviously, anything formalized or binding would need to go through your attorneys and/or judge, but the more you can discuss outside of court or an attorney’s office, the more money you’ll save. I was able to avoid discovery by offering a relatively generous settlement offer, which my ex accepted. If you can avoid discovery, I would try to. It is a major PITA. I didn’t do it, but I saw the disclosure forms, and it’s quite intrusive/exhaustive.

If your relationship and communication are highly contentious, then this approach may not work.

anotheraccount741 · 2023-02-07T17:55:54+00:00

Once you complete step 1 and actually retain a lawyer they should have a packet of information for all the crap you have to gather.

captainchippsixx · 2023-02-07T20:25:47+00:00

Listen to lawyer and ask questions that are curricula to $1000 issues.

Take your phone out ahead of time and record if you feel a situation worth is arising with stbex.

I would take some cash and keep it on me for a bit. $500. Put alerts on the accounts for withdrawals or large payments.

I would move anything treasured out of the. House secretly if you can to storage or family. If you have a collection of something, hobby stuff. Don’t do it all at once. Take the spare key for your car and keep it somewhere else where she cannot take it.

Give nothing for free in mediation.

If you have any hard evidence of addictions, mental health, criminal. Get copies, take pics, Scripts she is taking, etc. be prepared.

Always be prepared for worst cases. These are a just examples. Did she drain an account? Document it. Call lawyer. Did she lock you out and change locks? Your house, Call police and lawyer and family. Did she toss your stuff outside? Document, pics, video, if damaged call police. It’s always good to file a police report for Erratic behaviors. Especially if she under the influence. I’m sure guys here have more than I do on this.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-02-07T23:07:34+00:00

https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=15642

Read this list about 3 times and determine how many of these items you need to complete.

Title	First Steps
Author	gabbygourmet
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	February 7, 2023 3:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10w59ku/first_steps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-steps.1151607 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151607

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